Finally Caught UP!

Thursday March 31st

The room is dark except for the light coming from the alarm on my iPhone. I reach over to turn it off. Why does 5.21am have to come so early?  I had packed my lunch, organized my workout bag and laid out my clothes to make things easier this morning. I rolled out of bed and into the bathroom. I generally put my phone in ‘airplane’ mode at night. Firstly, it saves my battery. Secondly, it prevents emails and messages from waking me up at night. As I looked at the dark circles under my eyes, I would have given anything to crawl back into bed. I had no idea how I was going to make it through this morning’s work out.

Just then, my iPhone beeped. I looked down and a msg from J appeared on my screen. She wasn’t well and wouldn’t be able to come to group pt. I was sorry to hear that was unwell, but I was sure relieved that I could slip back under the covers for another 25 minutes. No work out this morning means I’ll have to do a circuit at home this weekend to make up for it.

On my schedule at work today was hosting my first team brief. About 9.30 I started collating all of the information that I would need to hand out or go through with the team. All in all, the whole thing went very well. It’s another thing to add to my list of accomplishments this year.

The girls tried to tempt me with Subway and Oporto’s, but I stayed strong and stuck to my tuna salad sandwich on whole wheat bread and my navel orange.  I’m pleased that I did. It means that I can have a meal out with G this weekend!

Home to catch up on my blog and as I type this sentence, I’m now completely UP TO DATE! It feels amazing! Good night everyone! I’m off to meditate!

Food for Thought

Wednesday March 30^th

G and I were up late chatting last night- it must have been close to midnight when we finally turned off the light.  It felt like my head had only just hit the pillow when the alarm went off at 5.46am. I’d give anything for a real coffee.  There’s nothing like a warm hit of caffeine to scare the brain fuzzies away.  Times like this test my resolve and today I stuck to my guns.  I returned to the table with a decaf soy latte for me and a small cappuccino for G.

I had a meeting scheduled for this morning with my new manager.  He nicked named it a ‘Fireside chat’. I wasn’t sure what to expect. We spoke about the stats and info that I would need to look at to see if getting more resources for the team was justified.  We cleared up a few other issues and then it was time to talk about me.

S asked me how I was enjoying my current role. He wanted to know if I was interested in pursuing a team leader role permanently. I’m really going to need to think hard about this. I feel a little over-whelmed at the moment, but that was because I had been thrown in the deep end.  He advised me that if I was interested and committed, he would take me under his wing and do what needed to be done to insure I was given opportunities to further my career.  I came away from that meeting with lots to think about.

Off to college for another round of role plays. My intention was to hang out in the café and catch up on my blog. I completely forgot that I was meeting my group members from the Addictions intensive weekend to organise our project.  M called me on my mobile to remind me and I packed up my stuff and hurried off to the classroom to join them.  It’s starting to come together nicely.

Tonight’s role play was really personally challenging for me – and I was just an observer. It hi-lited an area that I really need to work on and sort through. I know I’ll take what happened tonight to my next session with V.

Too tired to meditate. 

Push up power!

Tuesday March 29^th

And so begins another work week. It’s raining cats and dogs, which makes driving to work a bit stressful, but it’s definitely more comfortable than catching the train and getting drenched on our stroll through the park.  I’m looking forward to catching up with J tonight. My diet hasn’t been terrific since she’s been away. There have been a number of contributing factors- stress at work being one of them. And I’m interested in hearing her take on things.

Work was pretty full on – it has been for the past few weeks. I’m relieved when 4.30pm rolls around and I can log off.  I went to get changed only to realise that I’d left my ¾ pants at home and had packed shorts instead. It meant I had to pull my work pants on over top of them; I’m still not comfortable walking through my office building wearing workout gear!

J and I chatted for about 15 minutes. I tried to tell her everything that had been happening for me. She suggested that I write a list of all of the foods that I was craving and then, on a selected day, I could choose to eat an item from the list.  The girls at work often have Thai for lunch and a plan like this would enable me to participate. I liked the sound of it.

J also suggested that it’s possible that I was bored with what I’d been eating and maybe it was time to shake things up a bit. She started to tell me about a new 30 day diet book that she was reading. I jokingly interrupted by telling her I wasn’t up for another 3-4 week intensive eating plan! She laughed and told me it was more like a recipe and meal planner book. She offered to email me a few new things to try out.

With a few new tools in my tool bag, it was time to get sweating. Today’s goal was to get through the circuits 2.5 times. To date, I’d only ever gotten through it twice.  When J gave me the option of push ups or hamstring curls for round 3, I chose the push ups! I couldn’t believe it! And, I made J swear she wouldn’t tell the boys! All of us whinge about push ups in our morning sessions. I didn’t want it to get out that I was choosing them voluntarily!

By the end of tonight’s training session, I was well and truly rooted.  My quads were aching and I wasn’t sure if I would make it down the stairs in one piece! Somehow, I did it!  I could hardly bear the thought of wandering through the grocery store, but I knew it was necessary.

Groceries, dinner, TV- Winners & Losers episode 2. And then bed.

Reading, Relaxing & Raddox

Monday March 28^th

The cat took it upon himself to be my alarm this morning. So much for a lovely relaxing sleep in.  8.30 isn’t the new 10am, let me assure you! But I suppose it’s still better than 6am!

It was wonderful to sit at the kitchen table with my soy dandy and my book and eat a leisurely breakfast. I dream of mornings like this. Around 11, I headed out to Burwood shopping centre for a browse and a haircut. It’s nice to be able to see again!

Home for lunch and another couple of chapters in my book. Then time to catch up on my Blog. It’s gotten so out of hand over the past few weeks. My goal is to catch it up to date, and then stay on top of things!

I still needed to fit in another circuit training session before catching up with J tomorrow. I jumped into my workout gear and hopped on the treadmill for a 32 minute run. By the end of that, I was definitely warmed up! I set out the stations for my circuit training and got started!

To keep things as authentic as possible, I set the timer on my iPhone to insure that I completed 2 rounds of each circuit in the 15 mins that J usually allocates. I’d forgotten how taxing this set of circuits could be! No wonder I was sore for the first 2 months of exercising! My arms were killing me! I hope J doesn’t work me too hard tomorrow!

It felt glorious to sink into a steamy hot bath. I added some Raddox to see if that would help my aching muscles. And then, I stayed put until I finished my book. Time for dinner, TV and a meditation before bed.

Yum cha & the Park

Saturday March 26^th

Another early morning start. Shower. Breakfast. Into the car to make our fortnightly trek to Castle Hill to watch S practice gymnastics.  C tells me that S has been practicing her cartwheels every day after school. It’s obviously paying off! S can do a cartwheel in both directions! I never mastered the art of cartwheels as a kid and I’m really proud that she has.

Even though it’s an early start, I really enjoy watching her. I’m amazed at how easy she makes things look. I try translating her moves to my body and I come up short every time. Will there ever be day that I’ll be able to hang from a bar with my knees tucked against my chest? Sigh…

Home to watch a couple of episodes of Mister Maker. Then, judging by the rumbling in our tummies, it was definitely time for another round of vegetarian yum cha. We all love it! And the best part is the food comes straight out. In my opinion, it was perfect. All of my favourite dishes came out one after the other –almost like I’d planned it. Gotta love it when that happens!

While G went off to vote in the NSW state election, S and I made play doh cupcakes with the set she got for her birthday. I’m a resident but not a citizen, so I am unable to vote. This time around, I was kinda glad. I have no idea who I would have voted for.

About 4pm, S decided she’d had enough of hanging out in the house and suggested that we go to the park.  Instead of walking, we figured it might be more fun to take her scooter.  It was! For the first time ever, she rode it all the way there! We had a blast at the park. I love playing with her. And I was secretly thrilled when she wanted to race me to the swings and it was easy. Normally, my knees start to hurt and I give up after about 10 steps. After running on the treadmill for the past few weeks, I actually felt like I could have kept going!

Bath time seemed like a good idea to wash off the adventures in the great outdoors.  We had our first bath bomb. S was totally enthralled! I think she would have had 3 more baths in a row, just to use up the other 3 bombs!

I popped the Backyardigans into the DVD player and we watched an episode while we ate dinner. Eventually, I’d like to be able to use the kitchen table for more than just storage! I tucked Little Miss into bed.

Then, it was back to the lounge to watch Alien 3 and catch up on my Blog.  I managed to fit in a 30min meditation before hopping into bed to get some much needed sleep. 

The End of Another Week

Friday March 25^th

Tired. Oh so tired.  5 days in a row of ‘being in charge’. After surviving yesterday’s meeting, I’m feeling much more relaxed. We’re not picking S up tonight, so we’re trying to get ready in time to catch the train. That means leaving earlier than normal to get a park at the train station. I’m keen to avoid paying for parking in the city. Luck is on our side and we managed to get one of the last parking spots.

S was already looking into the team’s wish list. He sent me an email confirming that we had approval for second monitors! For me, it was symbolic of the fact that he was serious about making things better for us if he could. The team was very excited!

I celebrated with Thai for lunch. I know I have to stop having it so often. It’s not great for me. I think it’s the pressure at work that is making me give in so easily. What happened to the resolve that I had in February and early March on the Detox diet? Surely, I can find a way to draw on that again. On a positive note, I managed to turn a deaf ear to the siren serenade of the soda cans in the fridge and say no to a Cadbury Crunchie Easter egg.

G picked me up after work and we walked through the park together on our way to catch the train. The plan tonight: circuit training, dinner, TV and catching up on my blog. I have the skeleton outline finished, but I really need to get written and posted!

We crawled into bed around 11pm. There was a party going on across the street and the music sounded like it was coming from my speakers. Even if we had wanted to be in bed early, it would have been impossible to sleep.  Meditation fell by the wayside too. It’s not as easy as I thought to find 30mins each day to meditate.  

The Proof is in the Pants

Thursday March 24^th

The day of the meeting has arrived! I slip into a navy pin-stripe suit. Might as well look the part even if I feel out of my depth. I placed the order for the morning tea yesterday before I left work. Hopefully it’s ready to go in time for our meeting.

S appeared at my desk 5 minutes before the meeting was due to start. We sorted out petty cash to pay for the morning tea. He went into another quick meeting and I ducked downstairs to pay for our nibblies and check on the order. The coffees were almost ready to go. I handed over the cash and went back upstairs to enlist some help in carrying up the trays. 

When C set the platter of muffins, Florentines, brownines, petit chocolates and key lime pie on the table, S raised his eyebrow and asked me if I was sure we had enough food.  I was positive we did! Turns out I was right! We had left-overs, even though I over-indulged. I consumed ½  Florentine, ½ a key lime tart, and ¼ of a brownie. Divine!!

The meeting went very well. It took us a while to let down our guard and loosen up, but once we did, we came up with a list of great ideas! S was very open to our suggestions and that did wonders for the morale in the room. S asked me to type up the minutes from the meeting and email them so that he could take a closer look at things.

An hour later, it was time to eat a ‘farewell’ lunch with one of the teams on our floor. They were allocated to a completely different section when the re-structure happened and now they were moving to a different floor in the building. It had taken us a while to blend our 3 teams together, but after 4 years of working with them, we’d be sorry to see them go.

They ordered Portuguese chicken, wedges, French fries, coleslaw, fresh bread rolls, fruit salad, cans of soft drink and boxes of mini-Magnums (chocolate covered vanilla ice cream).  Oh wow! I limited myself to 3 pieces of chicken and some fruit salad. The bread rolls looked tempting, but I figured I’d already consumed enough gluten at this morning’s meeting. The soda cans called to me from the fridge. I opened the door. The middle shelf was lined with black cans of Pepsi Max and Schwepps Lemonade. I looked at the calories on both labels. Then I thought about how I would feel if I drank one. That made the decision so much easier. The mini-Magnum won hands down.

Needless to say, I didn’t accomplish much at work today. It was more of an eating frenzy!  G and I planned to go to Burwood Westfield shopping centre. Even though I gorged myself today, most of my pants were too loose on me and I was keen to buy some that fit better.

Much to my surprise, I managed to fit into size 18 pants,  size 18 shirts and size 16 board shorts!! OMG!  I couldn’t help myself! I did a funky dance in the change room!! This is WICKED!! It’s almost winter, but I bought the board shorts out of spite! I was so ecstatic that I could fit into them, I wasn’t leaving the shop without them in the bag!

As we were paying, G noticed some boxes piled on the shelf behind the counter. Boots. Boots that are made to fit calves like mine! I had purchased some light tan pants and the sales girl suggested that I pick up some light brown shoes. It never occurred to me that my favourite store now sold footwear! I tried on a pair of tan boots and they fit perfectly! I felt like I’d won the lottery! What an amazing shopping experience!

G really wanted to work out tonight, so we left the shop. I think I was on Cloud 9! New boots, new outfits and size 16 board shorts. This is only a taste of what’s to come. G got ready to go for a run, so I got ready to meditate. I plugged in my salt rock lamp and a beautiful, soft orange glow illuminated the room. The cat curled up in the crook of my arm. The next 30 minutes passed peacefully.

To compensate for the indulgences of today, I made my self a protein power shake, watched a bit of TV and headed for bed. I was convinced that today would be a tough day. I had no idea that it would end on such a high note. Finally, I’m starting to reap the rewards of all of my hard work. 

One More Sleep

Wednesday March 23th

It’s mid-term break, which means no college this week. I’m relieved.  It’s nice not to have to rush off to St Leonards and after the stress of the past few weeks, it couldn’t have come at a better time.

Today was definitely a better day at work. The ice finally broke and the truth about what was upsetting my friend came out. Turns out it wasn’t about me at all.  Funny how I jump to that conclusion almost out of habit. I need to spend some time sorting through my old though patterns.

I didn’t exercise last night, so I was determined to get a circuit in tonight! I promised J that I would fit in 3 circuits while she was away and continue to run on the treadmill.  I’m determined to have a good report card to show her next Tuesday.

I have all the equipment that I need to do the ‘original’ circuit at home in my lounge room: bar bells, dumb bells, aerobic step, gym ball and a yoga mat. I set my iPhone up to time each circuit. I needed to treat this like a group pt session. I did 40 curl ups, 2 x plank (holding for 30 secs each) and a few other core muscle exercises to warm up. Then, I hit the timer and started in on the biceps circuit. Even without J present, I stuck to the push ups from my knees. Nearly did me in, but I did it! Finished both circuits before the 15 minute timer went off.

Then, meditation. I must have fallen asleep. Talk about relaxed. When I woke up, I was already 4 minutes into the second track on the meditation CD. That will make for an interesting journal entry!

I’m tired, but tomorrow’s meeting is weighing heavy on my mind. I want to get to bed early, but it’s after 11 before my head hits the pillow. 

Tuesday without a workout

Tuesday March 22nd

Things are still ugly at work today.  I’m choosing to think it’s ‘not all about me’. I know this job is stressful and dealing with this stuff day in and day out can make anyone angry. Add the sale of the retail side of the business, the new re-structure and the fact that our manager is off and, presto – it’s a volatile situation in the making!

Although I miss chatting with my friends, I am getting an amazing amount of work done. J is overseas so I don’t have my normal workout tonight. Instead, I stayed back until 6pm to finish up a few loose ends. G would be late getting home tonight anyways. I didn’t see any point in rushing.

The dirty dishes on the counter demanded my attention when I walked into the kitchen. I set up my iPhone- might as well sing whilst washing- and rolled up my sleeves. Singing and dancing on the spot made the chores pass surprisingly quickly.

I watched a bit of TV and waited for the phone to ring. Style is my middle name –not, so I slipped into some tracky dacks (sweat pants) and a comfy T-shirt to jump in the car and head down to the station to pick G up.

Neither one of us were overly hungry so we made a cuppa tea and settled in to watch Channel 7’s new series premiere Winners & Losers. It’s by the same team who developed my other favourite show Packed to the Rafters so I’m hoping it will be good!

It was pretty good! Definitely good enough to watch next week!

Meditation. Then bed.

Peace of Mind

Monday March 21st

The beautiful relaxed feeling from yesterday wore off pretty quickly at work.  One of my closest workmates wasn’t chatting with me. It did not bode well for the rest of my day.  Mondays are really busy days and today was no exception. Between trying to get my own casework done, worrying about my friends not speaking to me and figuring out what to do with the stuff that I found in my manager’s in tray. To top it all off, I was worried about the conversation I’d had Friday afternoon with S, the manager that I was reporting to.

He had sent me an email inviting us to an ‘Ideas’ Meeting this coming Thursday. He’d given me the task of booking the meeting room and organizing morning tea. I’d never been responsible for either of those tasks before. I went to the former receptionist on our floor and, thankfully she helped me out. Those were the easy tasks.

The task that was causing me the most stress was the thought of having to go through our team stats to figure out how to build a case to get us more resources. I knew where to find the stats, but I wasn’t 100% sure how to interpret them. I felt like acquiring a new staff member depended solely on my ability to get this right.

I knew I could do the day to day things-the operational things that our manager normally took care of, but these extra responsibilities were really stretching me. It felt so horrible to not be able to talk to my close friends at work. Not only was I not able to share this information due to my position, but the people I felt closest to, weren’t speaking with me.

I mumbled a group good-bye at 4pm and felt the tears welling up in my eyes as I pushed open the bathroom door.  I sat there briefly and wiped my tears. There was nothing I could do to change things so I’d better suck it up and get on with it.

I drove across the Harbour Bridge with the air-conditioning on and the stereo turned up loud. Music always lifts my spirits. It also helped to know that I would be able to talk things over with V.

V helped me to take a look at what’s really important to me. She asked if I felt that I was cut out for this role as Acting T/L.  We weighed the options for sticking with it and for giving it up.  I knew it was only for a 2 wk period. Even if my manager eventually leaves his role, there is a process that the company would follow to replace him. I wouldn’t simply be appointed. I felt much better. Discussing things logically and rationally makes the situation so much clearer.

We chatted about my ‘vagueness’ after my morning circuit training with J. V had an interesting take on things. I’m going to need to process what she’s told me. I’m sure it’s going to bring up some interesting things for me over the coming week.

I left feeling much better! Off now for a 1 hour massage and a chiropractic adjustment. I’ve decided to treat myself to a 1 hour massage before each monthly chiro appointment. It makes the adjustment easier. Plus, it feels amazing on my muscles. They deserve a treat for working so hard each week!

Home for eggs on gluten free toast. I know I can eat ‘normal’ bread, but I just feel a bit better eating the gluten free stuff.  No meditation tonight. Just an episode of House followed by Brothers & Sisters. Then bed.

Sunday Quality Time

Sunday March 20^th

Sigh…there is nothing quite like sleeping until I wake up naturally. No alarm. No annoying cat. Just my eyelids opening of their own accord. BLISS. I reach over to grab my iPhone to check the time: 10:43am. WOW! That’s like 2 weeknights of normal sleep ALL in one hit!

I wandered out to the lounge to find G watching TV with the volume turned low so it wouldn’t disturb me. The cat was curled up in my normal spot on the lounge. It was a perfect Sunday morning in the making.

We already had plans to spend the day together doing relaxing things. G headed into the bathroom for a shower and I watched an episode of My Kitchen Rules. Then I turn my turn in the bathroom. Freshly showered and well rested, I hopped into my clothes. G turned off the lights, said good bye to the cat and then we were off. Destination: Glebe for breakfast.

Both of us decided on the big breakfast: poached eggs, whole wheat toast (even though I clearly asked for white!), 1 sausage, 1 hash brown, 1 tbsp of baked beans, a slice of fried tomato and a few sautéed mushrooms. I topped it off with a mug of decaf soy latte. In retrospect, it was good that the breakfast wasn’t the size that I was expecting. Any more than what was on my plate and I would not have been feeling too flash.

We strolled leisurely back to the shopping centre just in time to buy a medium popcorn and 2 bottles of water, followed by a quick pit stop and then up the stairs to our designated theatre. My friend at work had given us 4 free tickets to the movies and today seemed like the perfect day to use 2 of them to watch The Adjustment Bureau. It was a wonderful way to spend the day together. Both of us enjoyed the movie but most of all we enjoyed each other’s company.

I knew what was waiting for me at home- the treadmill. I changed into my running gear and got started. I even discovered a new song that was perfect to run to at a speed of 8kms/hr, Brian McFadden’s new one : I Like You Just the Way You Are (Drunk at the Bar). The lyrics are a bit interesting…but the beat is perfect!

After the run, I got my meditation pillow ready and positioned myself on the floor. I called for the cat and he came and curled up in the crook of my arm. 30 mins later I was definitely relaxed.

I considered what I’d eaten for breakfast and the popcorn at the movies and thought it might be best to have a protein power shake for dinner. Then we settled in to watch a recorded episode of the Good Wife.

I filled out my meditation journal and then headed for bed. I’ve got a full week ahead of me. 

Mini Spinach & Ricotta Rolls

Saturday March 19^th

I’m so glad G was able to drive me this morning! The weather is lousy and there’s track work on the north line. It’s likely I would have been delayed or possibly even late for college. As it is, I got there with about 13 minutes to spare. Some of my other classmates weren’t so lucky.  It was close to 10am by the time the last stragglers made it in.

We did a bit of review on the readings and then we got into groups and talked about our first assignment. It was mostly a research project. We needed to put together a resource list of ‘Relationship’ counseling agencies in our area that we could refer our clients to if needed. Then we had to ring an agency that we’d researched to see what it would be like to be a client ringing up for the first time.

On our first break, I headed to the café with only one thought in my mind: it’s the weekend and I can have my first gluten pastry. I already had my pastry in mind- not just one, but 2 spinach and ricotta mini-rolls. DIVINE!! The first one went down like a dream. The second one was fine for the first few bites…and then I started to feel very full. I shrugged and popped the rest of the roll in my mouth. I knew I’d pay for it, but it tasted so heavenly.

By the time I made it back to class, my stomach was feeling particularly heavy and bloated. I figured it would pass by lunch time.

No such luck. I was hungry, but I didn’t feel like eating. I couldn’t face the thought of a salad and the other items that did interest me, were made with gluten. Based on how I was feeling, gluten would be a bad idea. I finally settled on some yogurt with granola (muesli for those of you in Oz). It took me AGES to eat it.

½ of the class watched a video while the other ½ did their role play assessments. Then we swapped. The assessments were a very interesting learning opportunity and all of us were pleased with the outcome. Then, it was quiz time.

I’d have to say, this test was the hardest one we’d had to take so far! It was multiple choice, but for some of the questions, it was more like ‘multiple guess’! I was very pleased that I’d spent so much time doing the readings on Thursday night. If I had left it to cram at lunch time, I would have been in trouble –especially since our group had to watch the video whilst eating lunch.

It felt good to be finished the course and even better to know that my life was back on a normal keel. I couldn’t believe that I had survived the past 5 weeks of detox, college and assignments! Tonight, I could watch TV with a clear conscious and go to bed knowing that I had no reason to be up early! Life’s Good!

G picked me up and we stopped off at the grocery store to pick up a few items for dinner: steak, potatoes and corn. I couldn’t wait!

My stomach was still a little unhappy with me, but I popped a digestive enzyme and set out to enjoy my steak dinner anyways!

Ahhhh. So nice to be relaxing. 

Sleep Deprived

Friday March 18^th

At last! The weekend has arrived! I just need to get through today.  With no after work activities planned, we decided to catch the train into the city.  We relaxed for 30 mins in our usual café before we went off in separate directions to face our work days.

We’re short-staffed today. Only half of the team is in. It makes for a very long, stressful day. I can’t help but feel that I’m slightly alienated now that I’m an acting team leader. It feels like they aren’t talking to me the same way that they were before I took on this role.

I try to chalk up my uneasiness to lack of sleep, college stress and the craziness of the past few weeks. Hopefully the world will look different once this course finishes on Saturday and I have some time to relax and hang out with G.

As much as I’d like to kick back in front of the TV tonight, I force myself to walk into the study and get started on my assignments. G is super-sweet and supportive. She makes us dinner and then let’s me get back to my studies. It’s just past midnight by the time I print off my assignments and turn off the computer.

I’m physically and mentally exhausted, but sleep does not come easily. My mind is racing and I’m tempted to get up and read a few pages of a novel. My eyes protest and so I lay there, trying to fall asleep.

Caffeine is still a 'no-go' zone...-

Thursday March 17th:

Up early for another ‘crack of dawn’ morning group PT session with J and the guys. Don’t know what it is about these Thursday morning workouts, but they are definitely the worst when it comes to being emotional! I always seem to feel like crying part of the way through.

I’d spoken to J on Tuesday about how vague, disconnected and unfocused I feel after the Thursday and Monday morning workout sessions. She couldn’t think of what it might be off the top of her head, and said she’d send an email to V to see if she could come up with something. 

I emailed V to give her a detailed a description of what I was feeling. I suggested coffee as a possible ‘cure’, citing examples of studies that showed how coffee increased secretaries ability to focus and typing speed. I can’t continue to feel this vacant after exercising or I’ll never catch up on my workload.

V sent me a very brief email back telling me to steer clear of coffee and that she would get back to me with more information. Sigh. So much for that idea. I bet coffee would really have an impact for me now after being off it for over a month.

Instead, I turned to Thai food to kick start my energy levels and help me cope with the stress of the past couple of days. Man, did it ever taste divine! I could so get used to this again. And, therein lies the rub. I need to find something that will help me cope with stress that doesn’t impact on my health or on all the hard work that I’m doing to get fit.

I’m SO exhausted and still have so much to get through. I haven’t started on the assignments that are due for this weekend’s college course. I know I should start writing one tonight, but after spending 2.5hrs reading through the handouts and the articles that the lecturer assigned, I just don’t have the energy or the inclination.

Instead, I ate dinner, did my meditation, and hit the hay at 9.30. 

A Tap on the Shoulder...

Wednesday March 16^th

Still so tired. I’m running on empty –just want this week to be over. Tempted to call in sick, but I resist.  Coffee at our usual place and then it’s off to work for both of us.

At 9am when we hadn’t heard from our manager, I decided to go into the Executive Manager’s office to ask if he had heard anything. He told me that our manager would be off on sick leave for the next 2 weeks. He then mentioned something about annual leave and could I check the roster to see if it had been scheduled.

I walked back to my desk and clicked on the roster folder. Sure enough, our manager had scheduled his leave. The exec manager came over to my desk, checked out the dates and told me he would come and speak to the team once he had a plan sorted out.

I sent the team an email just advising that our manager would be away until April 4^th. The first 2 weeks as sick leave and the last as annual leave. I mentioned that our exec manager would fill us in more later.

The next thing I knew, there was a light tap on my shoulder and our exec manager was standing behind me. He asked if he could speak to me for a minute. I followed him into his office; we were joined by 2 other managers.

What happened next was very unexpected. The exec manager asked if I would be willing to step up and fill in for my manager. As he was speaking, my thoughts flicked back to last night as we were lying in bed reading our horoscope. The astrologer predicted that a promotion was coming my way.  Unbelievable! I accepted the extra responsibility- pleased that they had thought of me.

Our section had recently been restructured and now our team reported to the same manager that had originally designed our program.  In some ways, this was comforting for me – at least I had an idea of how he operated and what might be expected of me. The 2 managers filled the team in on the situation and advised them that they would be utilizing me as an escalation point until our manager returned from leave.

There was definitely some uneasiness in the team- not so much because of my new role, but because they were concerned about what might happen whilst our manager was away. The re-structure was still a little unclear and so much change at one time made people antsy.

The afternoon was very different. I started to feel very alone. The team was quiet- alone with their own thoughts. I could feel a bit of pressure in my chest. The next 2 &1/2 weeks loomed large. Like an old friend, the desire to eat lodged in the pit of my stomach.

How was I going to survive the next 2 weeks as an acting team leader? How was going to keep on top of my diet- especially with J on holidays next week?

At least I had college tonight to keep my mind off things. I offered my friend a lift and the 2 of us headed out to brave the traffic. I dropped her off without incident and managed to find a park right outside the college. I thought it might be a good idea to check out the meditation cds in the college bookstore. I was in the middle of listening to a song excerpt when I felt another tap on my shoulder. I turned and burst into a huge grin! It was my good friend from college! She’d left at the end of last year to pursue yoga instead of counseling.

I gave her a huge hug and we spent a quick 5 minutes catching each other up on the events of our lives over the past 3 months! She couldn’t stay long, but we promised to catch up again soon. I settled on Moments of Stillness and headed out to the café to catch a quick bite before college.

The mini spinach and ricotta pastry rolls were calling my name the minute I stepped out of the bookshop. With great difficulty, I settled on ricotta stuffed potato skins and a gluten-free rice paper wrap. Still no gluten until the weekend.  Of course, I washed it all down with a soy dandy latte.

Tonight’s role-play was challenging for me to watch. It felt like the student  counselor missed a few golden opportunities, but that’s easy to say from the safety of an observer stand point. We incorporated a new aspect tonight. Our lecturer is doing her masters in Education and she asked us we were would be open to participating in a study of ‘embodied learning’. It meant that we would pause before, during and after the role play to gauge how we were feeling in the moment.

After class, I spent some time chatting to my classmates about the events at work today. They were very supportive. It felt good to talk to someone about how I was feeling. Then, it was home to meditate and catch up on some much needed zzzz’s.