Friday Dec 3
About 9.30am, I opened my eyes; the feeling of a dream soft and heavy on my mind. I headed off to the kitchen to make my breakfast. I put a load of laundry on. Then I picked up my laptop and signed into ptEhance to log my food diary. Still, I couldn't shake my dream.
So, I opened another tab, signed into Facebook, and sent my dearest friend whom I'd just dreamt about, an email. The dream was still so clear in my mind that I could see her twinkling eyes and her 'I know you so well' smile. 10 minutes after I sent the email, she appeared on my Facebook chat.
I told her that I'd dreamt of her, and she replied 'so I read'. I smiled. It was so lovely to connect with her. I decided it would be much easier to speak in real time on the phone than to try to chat on Facebook - so I called her. I'm so glad I did.
2 hours flew by. We covered everything from our days together at college, our families, our partners, our kids, books we'd read, and even 'life, the universe and everything'. Sometimes a deep & meaningful conversation is just what the soul needs. And, boy, did mine need it today. Thanks, D.
It was fascinating to get a different perspective of myself by listening to D describe who she thinks I am. Learning about myself through someone else is so powerful. I think of my sessions with V and what it's like to be able to unburden myself of the things I've kept hidden for so long, knowing that I am in a safe place. Amazing. Precious. Actually...words can't describe it.
Connection. I think it's what I seek most in my life, and value most when I find it.
Thursday Dec 2
I didn't sleep in as long today. By 9, I was in the kitchen making breakfast. My goal for today was to relax as much as possible and to pick up some supplies on the grocery front. We were running low on essentials like cottage cheese, tomatoes and Burgen bread. That will never do!
So, around lunch time, I gathered up my environmental bags and made my way to the local shops. I think it's sad that it's so much more expensive to eat healthy whole foods than it is to just eat junk. My heart goes out to those people who just can't afford to buy the good stuff. I feel lucky to be able to fill my trolly with yummy foods that will help me become healthy. If we are what we eat, I don't want to be all that processed stuff again.
After putting the groceries away and making myself a yummy healthy lunch, I curled up on the couch to catch up on the TV shows that I had recorded, but hadn't had the time yet to watch. I settled for the first episode of "Making Australia Happy". It's fascinating to me that here in the West we see 'happiness' as something outside of ourselves, something that needs to searched for or worse, something that we'll find at the mall. There are people in the world that have a fraction of the things that I have- from material possessions to clean drinking water, and yet, they seem to be so much happier. Hmmn...
Then it's off to meet G for an appointment. As the afternoon progresses, I start feeling worse and worse. The whole left side of my head is achy and sore. Not a good sign. So, I convince G to take me back to the Leichhardt medical centre. It's packed. 1.5 hrs later, the doctor confirms my suspicion: ear infection. Sigh, no choice but to take antibiotics.
It's 9.45pm by the time we finally get home. G has had a stressful week at work and needs some time to unwind in front of the TV. Bed by 11pm.
Wednesday Dec 1
I wake up feeling as bad as I had been yesterday. Not ideal. I set my alarm for 7.40am so that I could ring work and speak to someone to let them know that I wasn't coming in today. But, no one answered, so I left a msg on the machine. The next time I opened my eyes it was because the phone was ringing. Someone looking for a donation. I politely declined; I had ready purchased a ticket in the draw a few months earlier. I checked the time on my iPhone- 10.38am. I should probably get up.
As I made my usual breakfast of Jalna yogurt and Carman's Classic Fruit Muesli, I thought of J and smiled. The times on my food diary were going to be all out of whack today. So much for breakfast before 9!
I spent the afternoon relaxing on the lounge and catching up on the laundry. Then, about 4.15pm I headed out to the medical centre in Leichhardt to get checked out and to pick up a Doctor's Certificate for work. Turns out it was just a head cold-much as I'd suspected. No anti-biotics required-which I was relieved about. I'm not really a big one for drugs. He suggested I take tomorrow off work as well to rest up a bit.
G thinks I have my priorities mixed up. Even though I didn't feel well enough to go to work, I couldn't bring myself to miss college. I don't want to fall behind. Plus, we have a group project due soon and I didn't want to let my group members down. I'm so pleased that I went. I love learning!
During the break between classes, I sent J a msg to let her know that I wouldn't be a the group training session tomorrow morning. I feel bad about not going, but I really think that I need to just give my body the rest it needs- at least until I feel better. It is interesting though, to know that I'm not using being unwell as an excuse to give up altogether or to slack off on my eating plan. That makes me feel like I'm making progress. J suggested that I come to the group session Monday. And, instantly, that made me feel better too. I do really want to succeed at this.
By the time I get home and settled into bed, it's 11pm. Another black mark on my list of goals for J. I'm determined this week to get to bed at least twice before 10pm!
Friday, December 3, 2010
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Patience
Tuesday Nov 30
Ugh. So grateful that I don't have to get up and exercise this morning. Still sleeping badly. My gym bag is packed and ready to go for tonight's session with J, and although my head is aching and I can't breathe, I cannot bring myself to cancel.
As the day progresses, I feel worse and worse. The sinus pressure is making it difficult to concentrate and I can't be more than 5 feet from a tissue box. Dunno how I'm going to exercise tonight.
Because I'm feeling so awful, J and I talk about my food journal and the goals that she had given me last week. Overall, my food journal is pretty good. I've added more fruit to my diet and I've been better at sticking to the 4 hour rule. Breakfast is now much closer to 9am instead of 11, but I haven't been very successful about getting to bed before 10pm. Pretty sad considering my target was for 2 nights out of 7!!
J then went through the new exercises that would help to strengthen the weak areas highlighted during the overhead squat assessment. It will be good to have a bit of variety, but I know it will take a few weeks to get really proficient at the new ones!
Part of last week's angst came from wanting things to be different quickly-like yesterday!! This week, I think I need to foster patience for both myself and the process. Let's see how adding patience changes my experience of this journey.
Monday Nov 29
Feeling a little 'under the weather' this morning. Had a very rough sleep last night. Instead of getting up when my alarm goes off at 5.25, I reset the alarm for 5.55am and went back to sleep. I felt that an extra 30 mins of sleep would help me make it through the day.
Found it a bit tricky to concentrate at work. I think I may have picked up a cold from S while she was visiting on the weekend. Plus, I suspected that today's counselling session with V would be challenging. Last week had been such a tough week emotionally and I wasn't looking forward to talking about it.
I don't know why I put myself through the 'anticipation anxiety'--especially after all this time. Yes, V doesn't pull any punches and she always holds me accountable and thank goodness for that! I know that exercise and nutrition are an important part of getting fit and healthy, but to me, without someone to put my emotional 'body' through the paces, I think any success I may have had with diet and exercise would be short-lived. This time, I'm in it for the long-haul. And I am oh so thankful to have such amazing people around me to support me on this journey.
Ugh. So grateful that I don't have to get up and exercise this morning. Still sleeping badly. My gym bag is packed and ready to go for tonight's session with J, and although my head is aching and I can't breathe, I cannot bring myself to cancel.
As the day progresses, I feel worse and worse. The sinus pressure is making it difficult to concentrate and I can't be more than 5 feet from a tissue box. Dunno how I'm going to exercise tonight.
Because I'm feeling so awful, J and I talk about my food journal and the goals that she had given me last week. Overall, my food journal is pretty good. I've added more fruit to my diet and I've been better at sticking to the 4 hour rule. Breakfast is now much closer to 9am instead of 11, but I haven't been very successful about getting to bed before 10pm. Pretty sad considering my target was for 2 nights out of 7!!
J then went through the new exercises that would help to strengthen the weak areas highlighted during the overhead squat assessment. It will be good to have a bit of variety, but I know it will take a few weeks to get really proficient at the new ones!
Part of last week's angst came from wanting things to be different quickly-like yesterday!! This week, I think I need to foster patience for both myself and the process. Let's see how adding patience changes my experience of this journey.
Monday Nov 29
Feeling a little 'under the weather' this morning. Had a very rough sleep last night. Instead of getting up when my alarm goes off at 5.25, I reset the alarm for 5.55am and went back to sleep. I felt that an extra 30 mins of sleep would help me make it through the day.
Found it a bit tricky to concentrate at work. I think I may have picked up a cold from S while she was visiting on the weekend. Plus, I suspected that today's counselling session with V would be challenging. Last week had been such a tough week emotionally and I wasn't looking forward to talking about it.
I don't know why I put myself through the 'anticipation anxiety'--especially after all this time. Yes, V doesn't pull any punches and she always holds me accountable and thank goodness for that! I know that exercise and nutrition are an important part of getting fit and healthy, but to me, without someone to put my emotional 'body' through the paces, I think any success I may have had with diet and exercise would be short-lived. This time, I'm in it for the long-haul. And I am oh so thankful to have such amazing people around me to support me on this journey.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
The weekend
Sunday Nov 28
Bit of a rough night last night. It's like these tears come from a bottomless well. I wish I knew how to stop the flow. S came in at 6.13am. I was so exhausted I handed her my iPhone and she played some dress up games for 30mins before I could finally drag myself out of bed.
We had breakfast and watched a couple of episodes of Mister Maker. Then it was time to get out our own craft box and have a go! A toilet roll spider with pipe cleaner legs and a sponge & popsicle stick ice cream cone later, it was back to watching TV.
It had been a while since S & I had been to the movies. I remembered getting an email about a 3D premiere of MegaMind. I showed S the trailer and we decided that with the dark clouds building up outside the window, a little quality time in the theatre would be just the thing!
We had lunch at the food court first. S wanted vegetarian rice noodles and a spring roll. We shared the noodles and each had a spring roll. I settled for bottled water (which tasted funny after 5 weeks of drinking PiMag water from my groovy home water filter!!) and S had some apple juice. For a treat, we each had a Chuppa Chup in the theatre. I knew I had a workout ahead of me, but it was lovely to spend a few hours in the theatre giggling with S.
After dropping off S, I set up the lounge room and put on my workout gear. I asked G if she was up for some exercise; she declined. 55 minutes later, I collapsed on the floor, tired, hot and in need of a bath. Which, as it turns out, was exactly what the doctor ordered. I filled up the tub, sprinkled a healthy dose of Raddox and grabbed Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows from the bookshelf. 50 mins later, I emerged, relaxed.
Can't believe the weekend is over already.
Saturday Nov 27
Got to bed late...and S woke me up at 6.43am. I sooo don't have the energy or inclination to exercise this morning. I just want to cuddle with her on the lounge and watch ABC2 Kids TV. Nothing like cartoons to set the tone for a Saturday morning! After breakfast, we decide that today would be the perfect day to put up the Christmas tree and decorate the lounge room. To be fair, it's before the 1st of December, but I know that we won't get a chance to see S again until December 11th and I want to have the tree up for more than just a couple of weeks.
Off to Kmart for some Xmas decorations then home to turn the lounge room into a Winter Wonderland! Kids at Christmas are the best things EVER! I even managed to hang candy canes and chocolate Santa's without being tempted. Maybe a couple of licks of S's lime sorbet cone was enough to see me through.
Bit of a rough night last night. It's like these tears come from a bottomless well. I wish I knew how to stop the flow. S came in at 6.13am. I was so exhausted I handed her my iPhone and she played some dress up games for 30mins before I could finally drag myself out of bed.
We had breakfast and watched a couple of episodes of Mister Maker. Then it was time to get out our own craft box and have a go! A toilet roll spider with pipe cleaner legs and a sponge & popsicle stick ice cream cone later, it was back to watching TV.
It had been a while since S & I had been to the movies. I remembered getting an email about a 3D premiere of MegaMind. I showed S the trailer and we decided that with the dark clouds building up outside the window, a little quality time in the theatre would be just the thing!
We had lunch at the food court first. S wanted vegetarian rice noodles and a spring roll. We shared the noodles and each had a spring roll. I settled for bottled water (which tasted funny after 5 weeks of drinking PiMag water from my groovy home water filter!!) and S had some apple juice. For a treat, we each had a Chuppa Chup in the theatre. I knew I had a workout ahead of me, but it was lovely to spend a few hours in the theatre giggling with S.
After dropping off S, I set up the lounge room and put on my workout gear. I asked G if she was up for some exercise; she declined. 55 minutes later, I collapsed on the floor, tired, hot and in need of a bath. Which, as it turns out, was exactly what the doctor ordered. I filled up the tub, sprinkled a healthy dose of Raddox and grabbed Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows from the bookshelf. 50 mins later, I emerged, relaxed.
Can't believe the weekend is over already.
Saturday Nov 27
Got to bed late...and S woke me up at 6.43am. I sooo don't have the energy or inclination to exercise this morning. I just want to cuddle with her on the lounge and watch ABC2 Kids TV. Nothing like cartoons to set the tone for a Saturday morning! After breakfast, we decide that today would be the perfect day to put up the Christmas tree and decorate the lounge room. To be fair, it's before the 1st of December, but I know that we won't get a chance to see S again until December 11th and I want to have the tree up for more than just a couple of weeks.
Off to Kmart for some Xmas decorations then home to turn the lounge room into a Winter Wonderland! Kids at Christmas are the best things EVER! I even managed to hang candy canes and chocolate Santa's without being tempted. Maybe a couple of licks of S's lime sorbet cone was enough to see me through.
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