Quaking Quads

Wednesday Jan 19

Geez...I was convinced that a long soak in the tub would be enough to make this morning bearable! Oh how wrong was I?! As I lay there wishing I could 'beam' myself out of bed and into the shower, I did some calculations: 3 sets of 15 medicine ball 'dead lifts' and 3 sets of 15 sumo squats gives me a grand total of 90 squats!!! No wonder my quads are killing me!

Of course, today is a train day. I hobbled up the stairs at the station, grimacing, but determined not to catch the lift. It wouldn't be so bad if it was just my quads that were hurting. My right knee is extremely sore too. I don't understand. I mean, I figured all the squats that I've been doing over the past few months would be strengthening my knee in some way. Just gotta hang in there, though. I'm sure it's making a difference.

Walking is a bit uncomfortable, but not as much as the process of sitting or standing. Now that is unpleasant!! G was teasing me on the train and telling me that I should have more compassion for her when she can't keep up with me. 

I smiled and jokingly said, 'Hey, if you can't keep up with the fat girl...." and shrugged.

She turned to me and replied, "Hmmm...you've got to stop referring to yourself that way."

I thought for a second and shot back, "Just call me Lactic Acid Girl!!" 

Both of us laughed. I wish I could fly...cuz man, walking is not ideal!!

Work was uneventful. My legs weren't feeling any better by the time I got home, so I decided to give the treadmill a miss. I know that all of me will get a full on workout during tomorrow's group PT session.

Dinner. The first of Oprah's Australian episodes. The new season of Fringe and then it's definitely bed.

Tuesday Jan 18

I woke up feeling very emotional. I'm grateful that we have training scheduled today at work because I'm not sure that I could manage speaking to customers. Our training is about stress management and how to handle, identify and manage stress-specifically in the workplace, but I'm sure many of the skills will be transferrable to our personal lives.

When it came time for lunch, I was nervous and excited. The sandwiches looked divine...but they were all made using *gulp* white bread! One of my favourite things. And, one of the things that mustn't appear in my food diary. Ohhh...what to do!!

They were cut into triangles and after much deliberation, I choose 2 tuna and 2 egg sandwiches. As the first bite touched my tongue, I closed my eyes. 

One of my work friends caught me in the act and quipped, "Don't speak, she's savouring her first white bread in months!!'

Everybody laughed!!

At first, I thoroughly enjoyed the taste. As I ate the 3rd triangle, the thought of finishing the last one became less and less appealing. My stomach was not happy with me. I'm sure it wasn't just the bread. I hadn't had butter in months either.  Add mayo to that equation, and it was no wonder I was feeling a bit queasy.

The fruit platter was spectacular! Yummo. I filled up on kiwi, apple slices and strawberries. Knowing I was only hours away from a training session made it easier to turn down afternoon tea: caramel slice, florentines, pastries, brownies and other delights.

Worried that I would be late for my session with J, I left the training as quickly as I could. Turns out I was only a couple of minutes late. A quick chat about my food diary, my knee and my left ankle and then we were straight into it.

The 'new' warmup: 30 seconds of ski jumps, 8 'laps' of the centre and then 30 seconds of star jumps. I'm puffing and sweaty. Stretches and then onto the core: curls ups on the Swiss ball to target my obliques, rolling on the ball and stretching forward without allowing my back to dip. Then it's game on!

15 medicine ball dead lifts, 15 jacknifes, 15 sumo squats and then running the length of the Centre and back. Repeat 3 times. Short break. 2 sets of 15 leg lifts, 2 sets of cobra stretches. Warm down stretches. And done for the day.

My legs are a bit wobbly on the way down the stairs and I have to hold on to the railing to keep my balance. I reckon I'll be sore tomorrow. Hopefully a bath with Raddox will take the edge off.

Bath. Book. Dinner and bed.

Monday Jan 17

Little Miss woke up early when G went in to give her a kiss good-bye. She climbed into bed with me for a cuddle. I love her so much. She's not one to lay around in bed, so it was up and into the kitchen to get breakfast ready. Fresh fruit and toast for S and my usual yogurt and muesli. 

We played in her room for a bit but she still felt like something was missing. When I asked her what she really wanted to do, she told me she wanted to do some painting. We have the paint; we just didn't have anything to paint. Time to shrug off our PJ's and head out to the shops to see what we could find.

We ended up with some canvasses and, after a quick wander through K-Mart, we picked up a sticker mosaic jewellery box. I wasn't convinced that S would enjoy doing the mosaic. WOW! Was I wrong! From 11.30am until 2.30pm, with only a 15 minute break for lunch, S dedicated herself to applying every last mosaic sticker! It was amazing!! I was so proud of her. It looked fantastic! We didn't have any other distractions: no TV, no music, just her and me and 800+ stickers! 

I love spending time with S. As Kindergarten approaches-it's now only 2 weeks away- I feel an over-whelming bittersweet sadness. I am going to miss our Monday's together. My baby girl is growing up.

I gave her a big hug and told her that I was so happy that she loved spending time with me. In a teasing voice, I told her one day when she was a teenager, she would think that hanging out with me wasn't cool. Much to my surprise, she burst into tears. I hugged her tight and asked her what was wrong.

In a trembling voice, she said, "You hurt my feelings, Mumma Jay."

I cuddled her close, apologised and tried to explain that I hadn't meant to upset her. When she had collected herself, I went to get the laundry out of the dryer. She followed me outside and said, "You have to promise that you will never say something like that to kid who is just about 5. I love you very much."

And it was then that I realised that in her mind, it was inconceivable to even imagine a world or a time where she would not want to spend time with me. That moment was very humbling. At not-quite-5yrs old, she is such a wise soul and she teaches me so much.

I hugged her tight when it came time to say good bye. She grabbed my hand, held it close to her cheek and for a few minutes, refused to let me go. When she finally lifted her head, there was one solitary tear on her face. It breaks my heart each time I drop her off.

Feeling sad, I made my way home, waited until G finished her workout and took my turn on the treadmill. Symbolism. I walk and walk. And, yet, when I look up, I have made no discernible progress.