A Tap on the Shoulder...

Wednesday March 16^th

Still so tired. I’m running on empty –just want this week to be over. Tempted to call in sick, but I resist.  Coffee at our usual place and then it’s off to work for both of us.

At 9am when we hadn’t heard from our manager, I decided to go into the Executive Manager’s office to ask if he had heard anything. He told me that our manager would be off on sick leave for the next 2 weeks. He then mentioned something about annual leave and could I check the roster to see if it had been scheduled.

I walked back to my desk and clicked on the roster folder. Sure enough, our manager had scheduled his leave. The exec manager came over to my desk, checked out the dates and told me he would come and speak to the team once he had a plan sorted out.

I sent the team an email just advising that our manager would be away until April 4^th. The first 2 weeks as sick leave and the last as annual leave. I mentioned that our exec manager would fill us in more later.

The next thing I knew, there was a light tap on my shoulder and our exec manager was standing behind me. He asked if he could speak to me for a minute. I followed him into his office; we were joined by 2 other managers.

What happened next was very unexpected. The exec manager asked if I would be willing to step up and fill in for my manager. As he was speaking, my thoughts flicked back to last night as we were lying in bed reading our horoscope. The astrologer predicted that a promotion was coming my way.  Unbelievable! I accepted the extra responsibility- pleased that they had thought of me.

Our section had recently been restructured and now our team reported to the same manager that had originally designed our program.  In some ways, this was comforting for me – at least I had an idea of how he operated and what might be expected of me. The 2 managers filled the team in on the situation and advised them that they would be utilizing me as an escalation point until our manager returned from leave.

There was definitely some uneasiness in the team- not so much because of my new role, but because they were concerned about what might happen whilst our manager was away. The re-structure was still a little unclear and so much change at one time made people antsy.

The afternoon was very different. I started to feel very alone. The team was quiet- alone with their own thoughts. I could feel a bit of pressure in my chest. The next 2 &1/2 weeks loomed large. Like an old friend, the desire to eat lodged in the pit of my stomach.

How was I going to survive the next 2 weeks as an acting team leader? How was going to keep on top of my diet- especially with J on holidays next week?

At least I had college tonight to keep my mind off things. I offered my friend a lift and the 2 of us headed out to brave the traffic. I dropped her off without incident and managed to find a park right outside the college. I thought it might be a good idea to check out the meditation cds in the college bookstore. I was in the middle of listening to a song excerpt when I felt another tap on my shoulder. I turned and burst into a huge grin! It was my good friend from college! She’d left at the end of last year to pursue yoga instead of counseling.

I gave her a huge hug and we spent a quick 5 minutes catching each other up on the events of our lives over the past 3 months! She couldn’t stay long, but we promised to catch up again soon. I settled on Moments of Stillness and headed out to the café to catch a quick bite before college.

The mini spinach and ricotta pastry rolls were calling my name the minute I stepped out of the bookshop. With great difficulty, I settled on ricotta stuffed potato skins and a gluten-free rice paper wrap. Still no gluten until the weekend.  Of course, I washed it all down with a soy dandy latte.

Tonight’s role-play was challenging for me to watch. It felt like the student  counselor missed a few golden opportunities, but that’s easy to say from the safety of an observer stand point. We incorporated a new aspect tonight. Our lecturer is doing her masters in Education and she asked us we were would be open to participating in a study of ‘embodied learning’. It meant that we would pause before, during and after the role play to gauge how we were feeling in the moment.

After class, I spent some time chatting to my classmates about the events at work today. They were very supportive. It felt good to talk to someone about how I was feeling. Then, it was home to meditate and catch up on some much needed zzzz’s. 

Foiled on the Bridge or shall I say 'soiled'!

Tuesday March 15^th

It’s time to get up. Back to the daily grind.  Looks like Nature has given me a reason for my horrible mood on Sunday. Sigh…that’s all I need. I’m tired enough as it is without that to assist me. Oh well. Work out bag in hand, I follow G out to the car.

Nothing too dramatic happened at work today. We survived the usual phone calls and dramas. I offered my friend a lift because she lives not to far from Sacred Centre. Normally, she accepts, today she left a little earlier to make it to the post office.

35 minutes later, I was tempted to send her a text message congratulating her on her excellent decision. The drive to Sacred Centre from my work takes about 15-20 minutes. Tonight, I’d been sitting in traffic for 30 and I’d only managed to get about 7 blocks from the office. Traffic was at a standstill. Horns honked all around me. Cars were stuck in intersections. Apparently a protester dumped a load of soil & gravel on the Harbour Bridge that affected 2 out of 4 north bound lanes. If I thought it would have made any difference, I would have burst into tears out of sheer frustration. I sent J a text message telling her of my predicament. I couldn’t turn around and go home even if I wanted to.

I ended up arriving 45 minutes late. J was so lovely and understanding.  She took my measurements and then we tried to get through as much of the aerobic running portion of the warm up as we could. 80% of the Centre was filled with folding chairs for the function that started at 6.30pm. We moved into the small white work out room and kept going.

J gave me the option of shoulder presses standing up or chest presses on the bench press. It was a no-brainer. I’d been eyeing off the bench press since we first started training together! Talk about excited! It was fun and it was tougher than it looked! I could really feel the muscles in my arms and chest. So, so cool!

Another awesome workout with J! I thanked her sincerely for waiting for me. She was feeling a little under the weather too, I know there were other things she could be doing. I gave her a lift part of the way home and headed off across the Bridge –hoping for a better run than I’d had on my way over. Just my luck! A multi-vehicle accident had slowed down traffic on the lanes heading south. Fortunately, it was no where near as bad as this afternoon.

I walked in the door to the smell of an amazing chicken stir-fry! Perhaps my luck was changing!! Time for the season finale of Packed to the Rafters. Awesome! I squeezed in a few minutes of Parenthood, then headed off to the bed room to fit in my meditation.

The cat followed me in. It was a bit chilly on the floor where I was laying. I could feel a breeze coming from somewhere that made it a bit harder to relax. It did help a little to have the cat curled up in the crook of my arm.

Teeth brushing and then bed.

Assignments

Monday March 14^th 

Up at the crack of dawn for another group PT work out with J and the boys. These 5.20am starts on my days off are killing me. Good thing I was able to sleep in on Friday or I might have had to give this one a miss. The past few weeks have been so hectic and busy, I’m ready for a day of complete relaxation. But, today isn’t that day! I sling my workout bag over my shoulder and head out into the early morning darkness.

J put us through our paces today. It’s exactly what I need. As much as I struggle with some of the exercises –especially the push-ups, there is something extremely satisfying about getting through the session. I like the feeling of accomplishment and the 3 minutes of bliss when it’s over!

Home for a shower and a protein power shake.  Thought briefly of hopping on the treadmill –but I need to remain focused for today’s activity. Perhaps I’ll brave it once I’m finished my homework. After breakfast, it’s time to get comfortable in the study and get to work on the self-reflection assignment that is due to be handed in on Wednesday. 13 questions. 1500 words. I forced myself to keep at it until I’d finished most of it. Procrastination is my middle name, after all.  Once I was satisfied with how much I’d written, I figured I’d let myself off the hook for a bit of retail therapy.

Back to Big W. It’s been months since I’ve shopped there, yet this will be my 3^rd visit in the past 2 weeks! Craziness! Today I’m on a mission- new head phones that hook around my ear so that when I’m running on the treadmill, they don’t jiggle out of my ears. I might even splurge and buy a new workout shirt and possibly some work out socks.

Headphones- check. New workout shirt-check.  Even picked up a couple of movies.  There used to be a time when I wouldn’t walk out of a shop like this without popping a chocolate bar or some lollies in the basket.  Who would have thought that I would ever change this much?

I couldn’t get straight back into my assignment, so instead, I watched the 2^nd part of a doco that I’d recorded last year called ‘Making Australia Happy’.  It was really interesting to watch. And, it was kind of like doing homework because it was all about Positive Psychology.

Finally, I couldn’t put it off any longer and so I headed back into the study to finish my assignment.  DONE! Printed. Even stapled my cover sheet to the finished product. Now all I have to worry about are my assessments for the 2^nd part of my “Relationship Issues’ intensive this weekend.

G isn’t home yet and I’m wondering how she’s doing.  Eventually, I get the call, and I head out to pick her up from the station. We spent a bit of time talking and then I had to head into the bedroom to meditate. At the moment, I’m using a progressive relaxation CD. I think I’m going to need to build up to ‘straight’ meditation!

Feeling calm and sleepy, it’s time to hit the hay

Quote of the Day

Sunday March 13^th

A bit of a sleep in today as college doesn’t start until 10am. The news is full of the disaster in Japan. It’s hard to even fathom the devastation. My heart goes out to all of those affected.

I left a bit later than I should have. Free parking on Sundays mean the parking spaces go like hotcakes! I circled twice and finally lucked out with a spot by my normal Wednesday night classroom. Still feeling full from breakfast, I headed straight up the stairs and by-passed the Café.

By morning tea, I had figured out what I would do for our assessment. We were instructed to give up something that we were attached or addicted to. When I first heard it mentioned, I was filled with dread! I’m only 2 days away from re-introducing gluten and dairy to my diet. How on earth am I going to give up something for another 4 weeks!! Food is my addiction, after all. Even contemplating another restriction felt like a punishment.

G jokingly suggested that I give up sleep! I don’t think she’s too keen for me to continue with the detox diet either. Her quip did give me an idea though. What about meditation? I can think of 1000 reasons not to meditate! I’m almost convinced that starting meditation will be up there with resisting junk food.

Happy with my selection, I started up the stairs with my soy dandy latte. I nearly burst with pride when the student behind me said: “Hey are you wearing someone else’s pants? Those one’s are so baggy on you!”

That is totally the best ‘quote of the day’!

Home to exercise. I thought I’d try a new program on the treadmill just to spice things up a bit! It contains speeds of 6, 8, and 12kms/hr. To date, I’ve only managed to run for 2 mins at 10kms/hr in my normal interval program. Dunno how I planned to handle 12kms/hr, but thought it was time to give it a try!

Holy Cow! That is fast! In the end, I managed to run at 12kms/hr for 1 minute twice during the program. To me, that is an achievement! I know that I’m capable of it and with practice, I’ll be able to manage all three 2 minute intervals at 12kms/hr! Something to strive for!

Time for a shower and then a good relax on the lounge. 

Another Weekend at College

Saturday March 12^th

Up at 7 for a shower, breakfast and off to college. G offered to drive me so that I wouldn’t have to worry about catching the train and getting there on time with all of the scheduled track work on the train lines. It did mean that I arrived 1.5hrs early. I figured I could bring my laptop and catch up on my blogging –which is exactly what I did.

It should be an interesting weekend. We’re studying ‘Addictions, Attachment and Change’.  I imagine the subject matter will bring up a lot of stuff for us. It’s pretty intense.

I’m feeling much more comfortable in our group though. If it brings up stuff for me, I know I’ll be ok. Fortunately, it didn’t. I thoroughly enjoyed today- except when we started discussing our assessments for the course.

We have to chose one thing to give up over the next four weeks AND we have to write a journal entry about our experiences and the process daily. I was gutted! I’ve only just finished the detox diet and I am eagerly awaiting the day when I can re-introduce dairy and gluten. I’m hanging for a pizza!

So I write about the dread that I’m feeling when we’re asked to reflect on how we feel about the assessment. It feels like a punishment. How am I gong to get through another 4 weeks of giving something up. Not a pleasant prospect.

Home for dinner. Too tired to exercise today.

Day off & Tsunami

Friday March 11^th

Thank goodness I set my alarm for 9.50am or I don’t think I would have woken up before noon! What a Glorious sleep in!! My first in several weeks and man, it’s so nice to wake up and not feel exhausted! I gave the cat a cuddle and then rolled out of bed.

First things first. Kettle on. Take down the shower curtains and gather up the bath mats to put in the washing machine. Then, attempt #4 to try to prise apart the bottom bit of the blender- to no avail! Weigh and measure the ingredients for my shake. Get out the silver milkshake cup from the freezer. Blend and pour. Grab my college stuff off the kitchen table. Set up the DVD player and kick back on the lounge to watch the recording of last week’s role play.

It wasn’t as difficult as I thought it was going to be to watch it. I offered up a silent prayer of gratitude for the skills I learned during my Platforms & Presentation Skills Intensive course through the Christopher Howard Training Companies. I shudder to think what mannerisms would have shone through without it! I didn’t fidget (that’s a miracle in itself!), but I did feel as though I was leaning a bit too far forward in my attempt to be attentive! I also felt that I spoke quietly and sometimes too quickly. On one occasion, I had to rewind the DVD and play it again to catch what I’d said.

Other than those few minor things, I think I did a pretty fabulous job!! It’s funny-when I was actually doing the role play, it didn’t seem too challenging, but watching the DVD, I had a much different perspective. My ‘client’ did a fantastic job of remaining in character all the way through and I think that I handled it in the DVD much better than I would have if I had been with that same client today!

Once through was enough for me. I filled up a water bottle and decided to duck out for a bit of retail therapy. BigW is the closest thing to Wal-Mart in Australia and I was hoping to find another workout bra. Luck was with me! I picked up a couple of Disney movies as well. I couldn’t pass up the 2 for 1 special! So, Pinocchio and The Princess & the Frog have now officially been added to our Disney collection.

Then, it was time to head back home for the 2^nd viewing! As I was watching it, I downloaded a few updates for my Mac notebook and the latest operating system update for my iPhone. Sigh. That was my first mistake! The update didn’t go smoothly and I spent a great deal of time restoring my iPhone and then re-organising all of my applications! Extremely frustrating! So much so, that I figured it was time to get rid of some the of pent up energy and hit the treadmill!

Hung the laundry on the line. Donned my workout gear, strapped on my iPod armband, set up the fan, did a couple of stretches and jumped on! 32 minutes: Program 8 Level 7. Hot and sweaty, but a satisfyingly 3.5 kms later, I switched off the treadmill and started my warm down stretches. Just in time too, cuz G walked in as I finished my last stretch. I ran a bath and left her to do her own run.

Chicken and veggies for dinner. Then we watched a couple of TV programs that we had recorded earlier in the week. I jumped online to fill out my food diary and noticed a Tsunami warning on the Google home page. We flicked over to the news, only to discover the massive earthquake in Japan.  My heart goes out to all affected.

Gluttony Day

Thursday March 10th   Gluttony Day- breaking free

Up at the crack of dawn to head over to Sacred Centre for Group PT. Just 2 of us today- me & A. Both of us managed to make it through the first circuit in 15 minutes. I was doing the triceps side. The usual 1 minute break and then it’s time to swap sides. We only have 12 minutes on this side. I think with the extra 3 minutes, I could have made it through twice. Instead, I had 2 exercises to get through: the ice-skater & the steps with weights. All in all, a pretty good effort!

Stretches. Warm down. And then, 3 minutes of bliss. Roll up the mat and it’s time to dash off to work to have a shower and eat breakfast.

As I was packing my lunch this morning, I opened the pack of gluten free wraps, thinking I could have one of those with ham and salad. A tiny piece broke off the edge. I popped it into my mouth. Hideous!! I through the wrap in the bin and decided that I would treat myself to Thai for lunch today for the 1^st time in four months.

One of the teams on my floor always has ‘Thai Thursdays’ so I waited for my friend A to arrive at work and then placed my order straight away! She told me they were picking it up at 12pm sharp and asked would that be too early for me to eat my lunch? The running joke at work is that I’m often in the kitchen eating my lunch around 3pm! I told her I was so excited about Thai for lunch I’d eat it WHENEVER! She just laughed.

When she stopped by my desk with the takeaway, she handed me my plastic container of Pad Se Ew with beef, a packet of chopsticks and a plastic fork – just in case I couldn’t eat fast enough with the chopsticks!! LOL She cracks me up!

It tasted beautiful! Conscious that I hadn’t had beef in 3 weeks, I ate very slowly and chewed my food very well. It took me 90mins to finish my lunch! It was soooo worth it!

G & I have a meeting this afternoon up at Wynyard. I dropped my bags off at the car and set up the ‘Runkeeper’ app on my iPhone. Headphones in, music pumping, I set off up George street to meet G outside the Apple store. 2.5 kms and 12 minutes later I was there! We strolled the rest of the way to Hunter street. Meeting was a great success. Then, we had to high-tail it back to Campbell St to get the car out of the lot before 6.30pm.  Thank goodness it’s mostly down hill on the way back! I was hard-pressed to keep up to G who was really motoring! But, we made it! 3kms in 18mins!! That’s impressive when you think of all of the pedestrian traffic in the city! We were ducking and weaving through the crowds. Amazing!

Finally, we’re off to Burwood for the steak dinner I’ve been fantasising about for the past 3 weeks – pretty much from the moment I started the Detox diet. I’ve had this Birthday meal planned since then: 300g rib eye steak, mashed potatoes, pepper sauce, grilled veggies and 3 prawns. Heaven.

It seemed to take G ages to decide. Every moment she delayed was a moment longer that I had to wait to taste that steak. It was agonizing! At last, we placed our order.  I admit, I was a bit envious about her milkshake but I know I need to ease into the dairy. And a milkshake on top of my already amazing meal would make me feel awful. I stuck to water and my decaf soy latte.

After much discussion, we decided to share a piece of lemon meringue pie. Unfortunately, it looked much better than it tasted. I ate about a ¼ of it and then put my fork down. Even G didn’t finish it off.

By the time we got home, I decided a digestive enzyme would assist with the very, very full feeling in my tummy. G was in the same situation. Both of us ended up sitting up for a bit to wait for the feeling to pass.

Bed.

Day NONE! It's Over!

Wednesday March 9^th  It’s OVER!

I woke up feeling relieved!! It’s OVER!! The detox is done….well mostly. I still have to wait until early next week to introduce gluten and dairy.  But, the other restrictions have been LIFTED!!  Woo hoo!

I was excited to pack my lunch today! First thing in my bag was my Jalna vanilla flavoured yogurt for breakfast; a salad with tomatoes & cucumber, Brazil nuts, 3 slices of ham to go with my salad, some sunflower seeds, and the mandatory carrot.

Had coffee by myself this morning. Got to work a bit early and then we all trudged up to the Wesley Centre to watch our Managing Director’s ‘Roadshow’. The company always provides breakfast at these functions. I helped myself to a bacon & egg roll. It was a bit tricky to eat without eating the bun, but I managed!

Back at the office, I opened up my Jalna yogurt, measured out my Carman’s muesli and scooped the yogurt into my bowl. When I licked off the spoon, all I could taste was bitter disappointment. The yogurt that I had been coveting for the past 3 weeks suddenly tasted very sweet and had a weird after-tasted. I was gutted. I sent a msg to J. Of course, true to form, she found a positive in my sad tale.

Lunch was not disappointing. Then, off to college! I arrived a bit early so decided to grab something to eat. I’m desperate for a filo pastry. A spinach & ricotta roll. A curry pie. Ratatouille. But all of them either have gluten, dairy or BOTH! I finally settled on a warm veggie and tofu salad which was surprisingly tasty.

Tonight we’re discussing how we’re going to handle our second role play. Should we keep the same pairs and treat it like a second session? Or should we be ourselves? Or should we mix things up a bit? We went with the last option! I can’t wait! I’m thoroughly enjoying these role plays! I’m learning so much.

Rushed home to prepare for Fringe…but the season is over. Not happy Jan. Oh well.  Some TV and then bed.

Happy Birthday, Goal deadline & Day 21 of Detox

Tuesday March 8th  Happy Birthday, Goal deadline & Day 21 of Detox

Well, it’s my birthday! I woke up today…and lo and behold, even though I didn’t reach my goal, the world is still turning! And better yet, Facebook is full of wonderful birthday wishes from friends and family both here in Australia and back in Canada.  I love that about Facebook. Instant communication that’s easy to access! I also hate that about Facebook, but today it’s working in my favour! And, better yet, at midnight tonight, the DETOX is officially OVER!! It’s not a moment too soon.

We went for coffee in the city as usual. Then off to face the workday. My friends and colleagues wished me a Happy Birthday and we settled in to our normal routine.

People probably think this is strange, but I’m still going for my personal training session with J tonight. Yes it my birthday –and, I’m determined to see this thing through. I want to be slender and healthy. I want to be able to shop at ‘regular’ stores. I want to be able to run around and play with S. To do those things, I have to keep on top of the exercise and manage my diet. So, quality time with J it is.

For the first few minutes, we talked about the foods that I would be re-introducing to my diet. Back in: red meat, fruit, mushrooms, sauces, etc. Things that need to wait a little longer- the big 2. J suggested that I wait until Monday to add gluten or dairy to give my body time to adjust to the other foods again. Plus, I need to stagger their introduction. I’ve been craving cheese for ages now, so I’ve decided that dairy comes first!

Then it’s time to break into a sweat! And, sweat I did! This new circuit has more cardio components than the others. I only made it twice through. And I’m exhausted at the end of it! J comments that she’s never seen me drink so much water during a workout.

20 squats

20 push ups

20 hamstring curls

10 zig zag runs thru the pylons with 5 x star jumps (jumping jacks) at each end

20 triceps dips

10 x box & shuffle

G has a bath waiting for me at home- complete with bath salts to soothe my aching muscles. It’s a lovely birthday surprise. Then, it’s “Packed to the Rafters”,  dinner and bed. 

Day 20

Monday March 7^th  Day 20

From the moment I wake up, to the second before I drop off to sleep, the countdown ticks over slowly in my head. Thank GOD I only have to get through one more day of detox after today. I am craving carbs fiercely. I think longingly of fresh white bread, crunchy on the outside, soft in the middle. And cheese-glorious cheese! I’m even missing the lite ricotta that I used to eat on my pizzas. My resolve is not what it used to be. If this detox went for much longer, I think I would simply give up.

Tonight in my session with V, we spent a lot of time discussing what worked really well from the detox and didn’t. We made a list of the things I would keep:

1.    dandelion tea-no point in going back on coffee if I’ve already survived the caffeine withdrawal.

2.    Protein shake- as much as I protested this addition, it is a nice easy way to make sure I’m getting enough protein in my diet.

3.    Rice pasta- it tastes very similar to wheat pasta and it’s lighter on my stomach

4.    Soy milk- as much as I like dairy, I quite like the soy milk in my dandelion tea. The nutty flavour makes it easy to resist sugar in my decaf soy lattes.

Then we spent some time discussing how I was feeling about not meeting the goal that I’d set. I’ve only lost 13kgs out of the 25kgs that I was aiming for. V assured me that I was doing well. She pointed out that I was attempting to make a long term, permanent change to my life style – and not just attempting quick weight loss. I understood where she was coming from. I just don’t like falling short of the mark.

She asked me if I’d done my best. I thought about it for a few minutes. Yes, I said. I have definitely given it my best shot. And, I’m still doing it. I haven’t given up-even when things got tough.

I converted the weight-loss from kg to lbs. 13kgs works out to 29.5 pounds. I liked the sound of that!! It’s definitely something to be proud of.

J had suggested that I give yoga a try, so tonight after my session with V, I changed into some appropriate yoga gear and waited for 6.30 to arrive.  The yoga instructor S, asked me to fill out a form-since it was my first session. Then she gave me a quick run down on what to expect. It sounded ok. So I sat back and relaxed while she set up the Centre. Yoga mats, candles, soft music- it all seemed very inviting.

OMG! The Downward Dog pose nearly killed me! My arms were shaking; muscles that had remained silent through all of J’s training sessions were protesting loudly. This couldn’t be good! I hesitate to think of how I would have survived this session if I hadn’t been doing all of that core muscle work with J. As it was, I was sweating like a farm animal! All of the other participants- including J who was there with me for moral support- made it look effortless.  Unbelievable!

By the time we got to the ‘5 minutes of Bliss’ part at the end of the session I was exhausted! It took me back to my very first group pt session with J. I thought I was dying that day. But, the nice thing about Yoga is that once you finish the poses and stop stretching, your muscles stop protesting. Unlike exercise with the instant aches and pains that linger on for days!

I must admit- it certainly improved the blood flow to my brain. I felt alert and aware.  I could definitely see why my friend from college would want to have this feeling every morning. Unfortunately, my schedule is such that I can’t quite fit yoga in at this point, but I will certainly try it again down the track.

Home to dinner and to spend some quality time with G. 

Day 19

Sunday March 6^th  Day 19

Now, I’ve been over-weight for most of my life, but until I started this detox diet, I don’t think I’ve ever dreamed of food quite like I did last night! I was eating Frosted Flakes by the handful straight from the box. Then, I was holding a blueberry muffin in my hand and when I went to bring it to my mouth, it crumbled like saw dust—but I still ATE it! Or, shall I say, I tried to.

I even woke up feeling guilty- how much sense does that make? Surely gluten in my dream isn’t ‘cheating’ on the diet, is it? Sigh…I know there is  no gluten until Wednesday. The fact that I’m dreaming about it tells me that these 3 wks have definitely had an impact.

I can’t seem to shake this weird feeling. I’m so over these restrictions. I’m moody; I’m hard to live with. Nothing seems fun anymore. It’s like the colour has drained out of my ‘flat screen TV of life’. I just want to eat normal food.

We’re supposed to go out shopping today for my birthday present. S isn’t interested in shopping. She’s only interested in doing things that she likes. Next thing I know, we’ve swapped roles. She’s the little adult and I’m the 5yr old who can’t get my way. It made for a really lousy day together. Even in my rational moments when I knew I should just pull myself out of this funk, I couldn’t. 

With only 3 hours to go in our day together, I managed to get it sorted. I made a snack for S and the 3 of us curled up in the lounge room to watch The Legend of the Guardians. At least we ended the day on a high note. Then I dropped her off at C’s workplace and headed home to go for a run on the treadmill.

The new running pants that I bought last week are fantastic! The slippery material totally eliminates the chaffing. They’re a bit hot though! So I’m glad I devised a way to set up the fan to cool me while I’m running.

Broke down after my run. I just want to feel better. Did a bit of binge eating. Devoured a whole packet of plain rice crackers! Man-the crunch sounded so satisfying in my head. I should feel bad but, to be honest, it feels so good. As far as binge –eating goes, a packet of rice crackers is certainly not the worst thing I could have gone for!

 I think I can now cope with the next 2 days. Bed.

Day 17 & 18

Saturday March 5th  Day 18

Up and off without a hitch! We’re even a few minutes early. S jumps in and gives it her all for the next hour. I love watching her. It looks like she’s having such a good time. I can’t get over how fit all of the kids are. Amazing!

Then, it’s home for a bit of a relax before we head out to Newtown for my birthday Yum cha lunch. At the last minute, we decided to invite our friend K. She had a clear spot on her schedule so she popped down to join us. I thoroughly enjoyed eating yum cha. I’d already cleared it with J. She simply suggested that I steer clear of the bbq buns and other items that might contain gluten or wheat.

4 doors down is a lovely gelato shop. I was totally tempted to eat a waffle or a pancake deluxe dessert, but I behaved myself and stuck to fruit sorbet.  The only downer to the day, was the parking ticket waiting for us on the windshield. 20mins passed the expiry of our ticket…and we get done. So not fair.

Home to relax and watch Barbie in A Fashion Fairytale.

All of us are exhausted.  We put S to bed and about an hour later, I followed.  Best to be well-rested for the tomorrow’s activities.

Friday March 4th Day 17

Alarm-off. Reached for the thermometer. J asked me to take my temp first thing the morning to see if we could rule out thyroid involvement. Unfortunately, the digital thermometer that I have turns itself off after recording my temp. We need one that can measure my basal metabolic temp over a period of 10mins. Sigh…oh well.  I’ll have to flick J a text to let her know.

Dressed. Showered and off to the city for another decaf soy latte with G. The only good thing about today is it’s my day off the phones at work. In theory, this is supposed to help me catch up on stuff. Theory and reality are 2 very different things!

Been thinking. Still not over the kilo that I’ve gained this week. Maybe it’s those crazy protein shakes that are making the difference. I sent J a msg to that effect--telling her that I’m still so stressed that my birthday and weight loss deadline is looming so close and I seem to be going backwards no matter how hard I try.

J was really sweet and really supportive. She re-iterated that protein builds lean muscle and lean muscle is necessary for weight loss. I could get it from other foods in my diet, but I needed to be sure that I ate protein with every meal. She also suggested that I cut down on some of my carbs-maybe have a carb-free meal at least once a day. Then she told me to chin up and think less about my original goal and more about giving myself credit for how far I’ve gotten and how well I’ve done at getting healthy. And then, she finished with, ‘I’m proud of you’.

J’s the best! I’m so thankful to have her on my ‘team’.

Off to Silverwater road to rendez-vous with C & S. I’m looking forward to seeing her tonight. Friday nights are now a special occasion instead of the norm. We won’t have much time together cuz we’ll have to get up early to make it to gymnastics. But, I still get to tuck her in and read her a story! That is fantastic and precious.

She wasn’t too chatty in the car tonight. Much more interested in playing games on my iPhone whilst I make my way through peak hour traffic. Baked beans for S and eggs for me. Then teeth-brushing, story time and good-night cuddles.

Early to bed for me and G. 6 am comes way too soon these days.

Day 14, 15 & 16

Thursday March 3^rd  Day 16

Guess what? It’s Thursday again. That means another early mark to make it to group PT on time. I can’t wait to eat something other than a banana on my way to the Centre. Not long to go now. In 6 days, I’ll be able to eat a peach or a nectarine. Divine.

Just me & A today.  Still can’t quite make it through both circuits. Maybe I’ll have more endurance on my normal diet. I’ll have to compare how I feel next week when I’ve had 1 day of normal food.

It was a very long day at work. I still find it so hard to concentrate and focus after these Thursday morning workouts. I thought exercise is suppose to give me clarity and energy. I must not be doing it right if I’m ending up with fuzziness and fatigue.

G and I have a meeting near Wynyard this afternoon between 5-6pm. She has my travel pass, so catching a bus is out of the question. I’ve got to make my way there on foot! I left my workout bag at my desk, plugged in my earphones and headed out the door. Might try that new iPhone app RunKeeper to log my progress. It’s really neat. I can play tunes and every now and then, a voice over comes on and tells me how far I’ve travelled and what my average pace is.

We decided to meet in front of the Apple Store and walk the rest of the way together. I don’t understand why G isn’t tempted to go in and browse all of the new technology whilst she’s waiting for me to make my way up from Campbell St. But, for whatever reason, she isn’t and I spot her waiting by the bus shelter.

Our meeting went very well. We needed to make it back to get the car out of parking lot before 6.30pm to avoid paying more than the early bird rate. I, in my infinite wisdom, thought it might be faster to catch a cab. I was wrong! Traffic at this end of the CBD is a nightmare during peak hour.  Still, we managed to make it – even though it cost us almost $20 – which is $10 more than we would have paid for getting the car out after 6.30. Sigh…

Home for dinner and a relax in front of the TV.

Wednesday March 2^nd   Day 15

Well, this is it. My night has finally arrived. I’m feeling a bit nervous as I walk into the College Café. Before I can even turn to order a soy dandy latte, one of my classmates spots me. It’s her night too. Both of us are scheduled to be the ‘counsellors’ in tonight’s role-plays. She is much more nervous than I am, so, after ordering my drink, we settle in at one of the tables to talk.

She tells me she’d like me to go first. This actually suits me just fine. I’d rather get it over and done with so I can relax and enjoy the rest of the evening. I know that my nerves are more about anticipation than fear.

Our lecturer popped out of the faculty lounge and handed us the video camera and tripod. Time to make our way down to the classroom to get it all set up. Chairs organised. Disc formatted. Tripod up.

Lights. Camera. Action.

As soon as the camera was ‘rolling’, I found myself in ‘the zone’. My forearms rested comfortably on my thighs. I was leaning slightly forward- attentive and engaged. I touched my finger tips together in a loose triangle shape to keep myself from fidgeting.

Before I knew it, 30 mins was up and the rest of the group was clapping. Both of us sighed and relaxed into more normal positions. Time for feedback – the ‘Breakfast of Champions’.

Totally amazing experience! Now I’m definitely looking forward to our next role-play sessions. I just have to watch my dvd and critique myself on my counselling. That experience will certainly be both confronting and challenging. Lots of learning and growth this term!

Home to relax and watch the Fringe.

Tuesday March 1^st  7 days to my Birthday and my deadline

Today is ‘Legal Day 1’ the most talked about day at work for the past 3 yrs. Most of us anticipated a broadcast of some sort. But, it was a huge let down. Nothing new.  No announcement. In fact, there was not much of anything.  To top it all off, I’m feeling really down. I don’t want to continue with this detox diet. I’m not feeling energised, healthier or thinner. Perhaps it would be easier to stick with it if I was getting some positive paybacks. Instead, the kilo that I put on Sunday hasn’t gone anywhere. It’s so frustrating! Especially since I’ve been on the treadmill ALL weekend and even after yesterday’s group PT session.

I’m frustrated, disheartened and totally unmotivated. I’m going to have to talk to J about it tonight. I so don’t see any point in continuing this.

When I arrived at the Centre, I took a seat beside J at reception. She asked me how I was going and my eyes welled up with tears. I told her that I just didn’t think I could do it anymore.  I wasn’t getting any results. I’m feeling miserable. I’m hard to live with. And I’m gaining weight.

J was wonderful. We sat and talked for 30mins. She got out my charts and showed me how much progress I’d made since I embarked on the journey. We talked about me feeling awful because of all of the toxins and wastes that my body was now able to process without having to contend with all of the additional junk that I used to consume. We talked about how many years I had spent eating poorly and accumulating a build up of yuck in my body.

I thought back to the days when I was studying Naturopathy. A rule of thumb when helping someone with a chronic condition was one month to heal for every year that they’d had the illness or condition. So for me- that would mean 28 months to clear my body and restore it to peak health. And, where was I on my journey? Oh, yeah. That’s right. Just heading into my 4^th month!

I definitely felt better after talking with J. So, after taking my measurements and recording them on my chart, it was time to break into a sweat.

J has designed a new circuit for me. This one has more of an aerobic focus. She feels that I am getting enough of a focus on various large muscle groups during the group sessions on Thursdays and every 2^nd Monday.

New workout:

20 free standing squats - no ball

20 push ups on the floor from my knees

20 Hamstring curls

Running zig zag through pylons and then doing 5 star jumps at each end (10 x)

20 Triceps dips

Box & shuffle x 10. Basically, we face each other & J holds her hands up like she’s about to give me a double high 5 and I lightly ‘punch’ her opposite hand and alternate 10 times. Then we both shuffle 5 giant steps across the floor and when we stop, I start the boxing again. We do this 10 times.

I only made it through twice. And believe me, twice was enough! I was almost longing for the old ‘squat & hold’ circuit, and we all know how much I dreaded that one!!

Then, we stood around and chatted for a while. J showed me her blog – which looked fantastic!! It inspired me to change mine around (which you may have noticed).

Home for ‘Packed to the Rafters’

Not long to go...

Monday February 28th  Day 13

It’s my day off. What am I doing up at 5.20am? Oh yeah, that’s right. I want to lose weight and get fit.  That inevitably means early morning quality time J and the boys.  Workout gear-check. Banana-check. Monavie and L-Carnitine –check. Guess that means I’m ready.

These morning workouts on this detox diet are killing me! I just don’t have the same endurance that I had before. Still, I sweat it out as best I can, grateful that I don’t have to go to work when I’m finished.

Home. Thought about relaxing on the lounge with a protein shake, but I feel energised. So, I hopped on the treadmill for another workout. Made it through another 32 minutes. NOW I’m tired. Bone tired. Exhausted, actually. Not too tired to fore go stepping on the scales. If I could take that back I would. Still 1kg heavier than yesterday. How did this happen? I’m working so hard. Damn this is disheartening. All this hard work and no pay off.

Disgruntled, I put on some laundry and started to make my shake. Soy milk, pea protein powder, 100g yogurt and a frozen banana that I’ve saved especially for this occasion. The only thing I hadn’t thought about was how tricky it is to peel a frozen banana!! The peel breaks off in small chunks. My fingers are numb from trying to hang on to a very cold, unyielding piece of frozen fruit. The only thing that seemed to work was ‘shaving’ off the peel with a paring knife.

Into the blender. Press the button. Grab the silver stainless steel milkshake cup from the freezer and PRESTO. Instant breakfast! And, a yummy one at that! It is actually quite filling.

I try to relax, but it feels a bit weird to be home without S on a Monday. Perhaps some retail therapy will do the trick. It didn’t. I wondered around the shopping centre aimlessly. I couldn’t focus. I could hardly function. I am so tired. Drained.

I want to go home and sleep. Not sure it will make me feel any better. Just sitting here on the lounge will be enough- at least I hope so. Definitely early to bed tonight.

Sunday Feb 27 Day 12

College again for day 2 of 3. The past couple of weeks have definitely been busy. I could sure do with a sleep in. I drove myself to St Leonards; it’s free parking on Sundays.

I’m still really enjoying this course. He is taking us through some really interesting techniques. Not so sure about the assessments though. I’ll need to spend some time going over them.

Home to exercise. This time, I changed the program and made it through without holding on. Totally awesome! I can actually run for 2mins at a speed of 10km/hr. Never thought it was possible. Very impressed with myself.

Saturday Feb 26  Day 11

Up early. No rest for the weary. I have a weekend intensive course today at the college. It’s only 2 hr parking on Saturdays and so G offered to drive me to save me having to run outside to feed the parking meter.

Our course is about relationship issues and relationship counselling. It should be interesting. The lecturer is male which I’m also looking forward to since all of our lecturers have been female so far. I wonder what kind of view he’ll have on relationships?

He seems nice enough. The prospect of ‘holding the space’ for 2 people simultaneously is rather daunting. Sometimes, holding it for one is tricky enough. I’m looking forward to finding out what skills he’s going to share with us.

The break for lunch is much needed. Taunted by the spinach and ricotta rolls, the vegetable pies- even the spelt pizza with avocado (which I’m not overly keen on) I finally settled on the vegetable lentil curry- without rice. It looked yummy.

Sigh…looks can be deceiving. It had a very strong vinegar taste that I found hard to get past. In the end, I couldn’t’. So, I threw out what was left and made myself a protein shake with water. That didn’t go down so well on top of the vinegar lentils. Good thing I could chase them both with a soy dandy.

In the afternoon, we did a role play that was pivotal for me. I played one of the characters. It was amazing to watch how I responded and reacted to the various counselling techniques put forth by each counsellor in the ‘fish bowl’. I was particularly struck by the use of ‘immediacy’. Whenever they used that technique, it nudged my character to face ‘his’ emotions. Very powerful.

Then, G picked me up and took me home. The Best surprise was waiting for me there. G had spent the day cleaning and the house sparkled!! Totally wonderful thing to come home to!

I changed into my workout gear and hopped on the treadmill, hoping to repeat last night’s experience. It was not to be. I ran the whole time, but unlike last night, I had to hang on to the rails to get through it. My knees are sore. My left ankle is sore.

Time for a quick shower, some dinner, a little TV and then definitely bed.

The Detox Continues...

Friday Feb 25  Detox Day 10

Ahhh…that extra 40 mins of sleep and the chiro adjustment has made all the difference! I almost feel ‘normal’. If only I could sleep for another 2 hrs! Sigh… We decided to drive into work today. G is working back and I thought it might be nice to drive home instead of catching the train.

For the first day in ages, everyone who was supposed to be in the office- was in! It made the day so much more manageable! I didn’t get as much work done as I had planned on, because I just can’t seem to focus like I used to.  I’m hoping that will change by next week.

I brought some pea protein powder and a shaker to work. I didn’t have time to make a proper lunch and I wanted to be sure I had enough protein for my mid-day meal. I added 200mls of soy milk and gave it a good shake! Man, does it ever thicken up!! With just a little apprehension, I popped the lid and took a sip.

Wow—very pleasantly surprised!! It was almost as thick as a McDonald’s thick shake and it tasted quite nice!! I think I could actually drink this stuff!  Too groovy!

I sent a msg to J to let her know that I had picked up the supplements we talked about. I mentioned that I was feeling scattered and struggling a bit with craving for steak and cheese. She suggested it might just be that there are some toxins cruising around in my body. Nothing that exercise and sweating ‘em out couldn’t fix!

I laughed and told her that I intended to give the toxins a run for their money on the treadmill tonight.  I wasn’t kidding! I increased the length of the workout from 32 mins to 40 mins and I promised myself that I would run each 8km/hr interval!

Unbelievable! I ended up running for 17.5minutes out of 40!! I have never run that long before in my life! And before tonight, I would not have believed it was even possible! Now I just need to get in to the groove and keep at it. Pretty soon I’ll be able to do intervals between 8kms/hrs & 10kms/hr!! Even my feet were burning by the end of it! Proof that I pushed myself tonight. I’m very impressed with myself.

It’s a very cool way to end Day 10 of the Detox!

Thursday Feb 24 Detox Day 9

Last night was crazy.  After the Fringe, we had to deal with a Huntsman (spider) in the backroom. They’re harmless –mostly, but still unnerving to see –especially for me. Daddy Longlegs back in Canada are about as spidery as I’m used to! Didn’t know until I moved to Australia, that Daddy Longlegs have a deadly venom, but fortunately for humans, they don’t have fangs that can penetrate our skin. 

By the time we sorted out the spider, it was 11.15pm. Then I had to go hunting for the cat who had escaped when I opened our front door. It was past 11.30 when I finally turned out the light.

The alarm went off at 5.21am. I so did not want to get out of bed. Sleep is a rare commodity these days and I’d give anything to roll over and sleep until I woke up of my own accord. Alas, today is not a day for sleeping. I crept out of bed and into the bathroom to get changed into my workout gear.  Bags packed, lunch organized, banana and sunflower seeds at the ready, I slung what I could over my shoulder and made my way to the car.

2 new people joined us for group today! I struggled this morning. I’m not sure if it’s lack of sleep, the detox diet or what, but I don’t seem to have the strength or endurance that I had 2 weeks ago! And, the temptation to simply sit down and cry half way through the squat jumps was almost over-whelming. But, I held myself together.

Craving cheese and steak today. Last week seemed pretty straightforward. I was all prepared for it to be hard and awful and I was pleasantly surprised.  But, it’s obviously catching up with me this week.  Even my skin seems worse this week. Must be the release of all those toxins. Sigh… oh well. I’m sure it will be worth it in the end.

The past 2 Thursdays have been particularly trying at work. I can’t seem to focus and I’m easily distracted. Bet a coffee would sort me out! These ‘soy dandies’ (dandelion and chicory root coffee replacement ‘tea’ with soy milk) just do not have the same pick-me-up effect!!

After work, it’s back to Crows Nest to see the Chiropractor. I have some time to kill before my appointment, so I sauntered into the local health food shop. J & I have been talking about adding supplements to my diet. L-Carnitine is an amino acid that helps with weight loss. Essential Fatty Acids (in the form of fish oils) are great for heaps of things including weight loss. And, both J & V have suggested that I increase my protein intake- as protein helps to build lean muscle mass. Lean muscle burns fat.  So, I walked out of the shop with all 3 items! My body might be healthier, but my bank account sure isn’t!!

Snap, crackle, pop! And it’s time to head back across the bridge towards home.

Figured I would give the pea protein powder a try. Added 25 g (which is actually quite a bit) to my yogurt. It thickened it to almost a malt consistency. It didn’t taste too bad, actually.  Sure was filling though.

I stayed up long enough to watch the first 10mins of Desperate Housewives, and then I headed for bed. I can always watch the rest tomorrow!

Wednesday Feb 23  Detox Day 8

Woke up feeling marginally better than I did yesterday. My hip is still giving me grief, so I rang to book in for an adjustment tomorrow.  Better to be safe than sorry. I want to be able to make the most of the next 2 weeks! My birthday goal deadline is coming up fast and I want to lose as much as I can! If I can make it an even 17kgs, I’ll be thrilled!! I will still fall 8kgs short of my original goal, but it will be way better than I could have imagined!

Work wasn’t too bad today. I ended up getting stuck on a phone call and finished 20mins past the end of my normal shift. Fortunately, I’ve got college tonight so I wasn’t late for any after work appointments! By the time I found a park, I still had 30 mins before class started.

I decided to head into the Nature Care Café for a slice of sprouted rye bread with tahini and honey and a dandelion tea with soy milk.  I placed my order and was delighted when the barista called out my order : small soy dandy. That’s going to be my nickname for my daily beverage from here on in! It sure beats calling it a dandelion & chicory root coffee replacement tea with soy milk!! 

Half way through my sprouted rye bread, I discovered a date! Oh well, surely 1 or 2 dates can’t impact my detox diet too much! I like the sprouted rye bread. It’s sort of like eating a giant bran muffin! It’s really dense and very filling! However, it doesn’t appear to feel the same about me! My guts were feeling full and uncomfortable so I left a couple of bits on the plate and hoped that it wouldn’t cause me too much discomfort during class.

Class was brilliant! The role plays were fantastic! I learned heaps from watching my classmates handle ‘tricky’ clients! Experiential learning is vastly different to learning from a book. I’m thoroughly enjoying this term so far!

After a quick stop at Franklins to restock our dwindling supply of bananas, it was home for supper and an episode of the Fringe. As much as I wanted to stay up and watch the second episode, I wisely decided to head to bed. However, sleep was not forthcoming! Instead, we had to wrestle with a Huntsman spider! Sigh…

Tuesday Feb 22 Detox Day 7  Week One COMPLETE!

Oh wow! How sore am I feeling today!!! My buttocks, back and shoulders feel almost bruised. I know this will settle in a couple of days, but man, is it ever sore today. I did sleep better after my chiro adjustment. My hip seems a little better.

I emailed V & J to see what we could do about tonight’s PT session. I didn’t want to back out, so I asked if there were exercises I should avoid altogether or do differently to make sure that I didn’t aggravate my hip and lower back.

When I rocked up to the Centre, it was full of people! J and I settled in behind the desk and went through my diet journal and my experience of the detox diet. I told her that it wasn’t as difficult as I thought it would be – once I got over the caffeine withdrawals! I miss having fruit with my yogurt in the mornings, and lunches are more complicated. I can’t just throw something together at the last minute. 

J gave me some tips on how to make lunches easier. We discussed other sources of protein (I’m really missing red meat- not that I eat it often, but I think now that I’m restricted, I want it out of spite!). J suggested that I add some eggs and more lentils and veggies to my diet.  In addition, she also thought it might be a good idea to try a pea protein powder. It’s gluten free, for one thing. And it’s in a form that is readily absorbed by the body.  I think she sold me on it when she reminded me that protein builds lean muscle, and lean muscle is a very effective fat burning machine.

J even showed me groovy app for my iPhone called gomeals! It has a large database of foods and their compositions. So, I can select a food, and it already has the carbs, proteins, etc  listed so that I can keep track of what I’m eating! Too cool!

By the time we finished talking, our hour was almost up! So, J took my measurements. Still losing centimetres! Hooray!! Progress! Since we hadn’t done any exercise, I agreed to hop on the treadmill when I got home.

I was still dressed in my workout gear when we got home, so hopping on the treadmill was easy. I’m loving the new interval program that I found! It’s brilliant.  Despite my lower back, I decided I’d give jogging a try! So, each time the speed jumped up to 8kms/hr, I stepped up my pace! And, most of the time, I was able to jog for the full 2 min interval! I was pretty darn impressed with myself!!

Then it was salmon for dinner and time to watch Packed to the Rafters!

Monday Feb 21 Detox Day 6

Hmmmm it’s Monday. The start of another 5 day work week and counseling. Normally I look forward to counseling, but I’m feeling a little apprehensive today. I haven’t been able to shake our last session. Should be interesting.

I’m impressed with myself for sticking to the detox on a weekend where we had S staying with us! For the past few months, it’s been hard enough to stick to my normal diet when she’s around, let alone one that’s much more restrictive! Only one more day and I’ll have survived my first whole WEEK!! Now that’s discipline!!

I don’t know why I worry about counseling. I should know by now that regardless of what happens, we’ll always be able to sort things out.  We started out a little rocky, but V is very patient and persistent. It didn’t take long for the air to be cleared and for us to get back on track.

As tough as this counseling gig is, I am so grateful that I have V to help me sort through my stuff.  I can’t imagine trying to do it on my own.

My hip and lower back are really giving me grief. I’m pleased that I thought ahead and booked a massage to fill in the time between counseling and my chiropractic appointment.

R is a great massage therapist! His table was so comfortable that I almost fell asleep whilst he was massaging my legs. That changed quick-smart as soon as he progressed to my gluts and my lower back. Then I was WIDE awake…and griping the edges of the table! Things did not improve when he made his way up to my neck and shoulders. I knew I was going to be sore the next day, but I was hoping that it would make my chiro adjustment easier.

My chiro was a little unimpressed that it had been almost 3 months since my last visit, but he was quick to do what he could for me. My right hip didn’t click quite as much as we had hoped, so he told me to wait until Wednesday, and if the pain was still present, to book in for an appointment on Thursday.

Between the adjustment and the residual effects from the massage, it was a bit of an uncomfortable drive home.