Day 19

Sunday March 6^th  Day 19

Now, I’ve been over-weight for most of my life, but until I started this detox diet, I don’t think I’ve ever dreamed of food quite like I did last night! I was eating Frosted Flakes by the handful straight from the box. Then, I was holding a blueberry muffin in my hand and when I went to bring it to my mouth, it crumbled like saw dust—but I still ATE it! Or, shall I say, I tried to.

I even woke up feeling guilty- how much sense does that make? Surely gluten in my dream isn’t ‘cheating’ on the diet, is it? Sigh…I know there is  no gluten until Wednesday. The fact that I’m dreaming about it tells me that these 3 wks have definitely had an impact.

I can’t seem to shake this weird feeling. I’m so over these restrictions. I’m moody; I’m hard to live with. Nothing seems fun anymore. It’s like the colour has drained out of my ‘flat screen TV of life’. I just want to eat normal food.

We’re supposed to go out shopping today for my birthday present. S isn’t interested in shopping. She’s only interested in doing things that she likes. Next thing I know, we’ve swapped roles. She’s the little adult and I’m the 5yr old who can’t get my way. It made for a really lousy day together. Even in my rational moments when I knew I should just pull myself out of this funk, I couldn’t. 

With only 3 hours to go in our day together, I managed to get it sorted. I made a snack for S and the 3 of us curled up in the lounge room to watch The Legend of the Guardians. At least we ended the day on a high note. Then I dropped her off at C’s workplace and headed home to go for a run on the treadmill.

The new running pants that I bought last week are fantastic! The slippery material totally eliminates the chaffing. They’re a bit hot though! So I’m glad I devised a way to set up the fan to cool me while I’m running.

Broke down after my run. I just want to feel better. Did a bit of binge eating. Devoured a whole packet of plain rice crackers! Man-the crunch sounded so satisfying in my head. I should feel bad but, to be honest, it feels so good. As far as binge –eating goes, a packet of rice crackers is certainly not the worst thing I could have gone for!

 I think I can now cope with the next 2 days. Bed.