Free to Relax

Sunday April 10^th

Up at 7.20am to shower and get ready for college. I’ve packed a suit jacket and a tie for our presentation, a newspaper, some glossy magazines and my laptop. I even downloaded the video to go along with the song that we’re using. I’m nervous. I know I can pull off the ‘acting’ bit, but I remain unconvinced about the rest of the presentation.

It’s free parking on Sundays so I can drive myself to college. The bridge is closed until lunchtime due to an athletic event that was happening in the city. It just meant that I would need to take the Gladesville bridge instead.

D gave us an hour and a half to work on our presentations. We worked through lunch so it was good that I had a soy dandy latte and a piece of chocolate pecan tart for morning tea. We ran through the presentation a few times, organised our handouts and stapled them together. Our group was picked to perform 2^nd.

I thoroughly enjoyed today’s role plays- ours and everyone else’s! Everyone had put a lot of thought and effort into their presentations. I’m pleased that it went well. It really came together in the end.

We had an early mark. Tonight my plan is to just relax- no blogging, no journaling, no researching, just me and G hanging out together on the lounge. I can’t wait!

Docu-drama

Saturday April 9^th

Up at 7.20am. Need to shower and have breakfast before heading off to college. G is going to drive me again so that I don’t have to worry about parking on a Saturday. Having to feed the meters every 3 hrs is very inconvenient!

It’s a lovely day. Almost seems a pity to be inside pouring over books when we could be outside enjoying the sunshine! But, we’ve all made college a priority, so here we are.

We broke into groups of 2 to chat about how the past four weeks have been. Most of my classmates gave up something- like chocolate or wine, but I added meditation. Or, perhaps you could say that I ‘gave up my resistance’ to meditation. It was interesting to share my experiences with another person and to hear how things had been for them too.

There was a lot of class discussion. We went through the rest of our handout and notes. D had video that she wanted us to watch. The quality wasn’t fantastic- it really was a video and not a DVD, but it sure had an impact. It was a docu-drama about alcoholism. The information surprised some of the class. We weren’t aware that brain damage occurs before liver damage. The mood after the video was a little bit sombre.

The day had gotten away from us and by the time the video was over, it was almost 4pm. We hadn’t even had any time to work together as a group. My group hung back and went through the things we needed to bring for our presentation tomorrow.

G was waiting for me outside in the car. We headed off to Woolworths to pick up some groceries. Gabe whipped up a chicken stirfry and I sat down at the coffee table to work on my Addictions Journal. It took me ages to finish it, but it felt good when I finally put down my pen.

I spent a bit of time doing some quick research online for my presentation –just to get things straight in my mind. It didn’t feel like our presentation was coming together very well and I wanted to be sure that I could answer questions if the class had any for us.

Then, it was time for bed.

Journalling

Friday April 8^th

Today is my last day before I have a week off! I want to be able to get stuck into my work, but something keeps popping up that requires my attention. I wish I wasn’t so far behind in my own workload! I generally like to tidy things up before I go on leave, but it just wasn’t possible today.

The girls were ordering from Big Bite again, so I put in an order for a roast beef sandwich. It just means that I’ll have a much smaller meal for dinner tonight.

This weekend is our final 2 days of the Addictions, Attachments & Change course. I have my journal to catch up on and my class presentation to organise. I know I should be fitting in a meditation tonight, but I’m so far behind in my journal that I cannot spare 30 minutes to relax.

As much as I’m enjoying college, I’m so looking forward to finishing the weekend courses. It’s tough to work full time and then spend the whole weekend at college. I need a bit of ‘down’ time- especially with all of the extra things that I’m doing at work these days.

Sigh…Not long to go. After this weekend, our intensives will be over for this term. 

Praise & Push Ups

Thursday April 7^th

5.20am- must be time for me to get up for my normal Thursday morning pt session at the Centre. I wonder who will be there today? Grapes and Brazil nuts make an interesting flavour combination but it will give me enough energy to last until after the workout. It’s cold and dark outside. I don’t think I’ll need to turn the aircon on this morning.

Turns out it’s just me and A today. We’re back to the original circuits and for some reason, they seem so much faster than the others that we’ve been doing lately. I ROCKED it! Made it two & a half times through each circuit! I even managed 60 push ups!! WICKED!

I admit-I don’t always like the diet and nutrition side of things, but there is definitely something rewarding about pushing myself physically. I never thought I’d feel this way, but I’m really starting to enjoy exercising. Even on the days that I’m feeling sore and achy, it’s a satisfying feeling.

No time to ponder. After our 3 minutes of bliss, I roll up my yoga mat, pop it on the shelf, say good-bye to J and then it’s off to the car to for the peak hour drive to the office. Showered and seated at my desk by 8.15am. Good thing too, because about 10 minutes later J walked in. Although I’ve spoken to him on the phone, it’s been about 4 yrs since we’ve seen each other in person. He is filling in for S while he is away on leave. I’m really lucky that I have had the opportunity to work with both S & J in the past, or I would be feeling very out of my depth at the moment.

I introduced J to the members of the team that hadn’t met him before. Then, it was work as usual.

My plan for tonight is to watch last night’s role play and get a head start on my assignment. Having Little Miss next week will make working on it difficult. G got changed and hopped on the treadmill. I made a pot of dandelion tea, settled myself on the lounge with the cat, and pressed play.

Instead of watching the role play, I fast forwarded to the end of the disc to the part where they were giving me feedback on my session. It was just as challenging to hear it again tonight as it was last night. My plan was to see if I could ‘see’ and feel what they witnessed when I watched the session for myself.

My client was such a challenging client. I watched myself closely, trying to pick up what my classmates had picked up. But, to me, it just felt like I was being myself. I hadn’t done anything spectacular or said anything profound. Try as I might, I couldn’t find anything out of the ordinary. Their praise seemed unjustified.

The more I thought about it, the worse I felt.

I sat down in front of my laptop and got stuck into the self-reflection assignment. I would just have to deal with my feelings about this later.  About half way through, I knew it was time to save the document and head for bed. I was exhausted.

Feedback

Wednesday April 6^th

Ok- 60 push ups yesterday and I’m still feeling it this morning. It’s a nice feeling though. I can see definition in my arms and I really like it. Plus, I don’t need them for walking and sitting- unlike my quad muscles.

Now that my leave and my replacement for next week have been sorted, it was just a typical day at work. Good thing, too. I’ve got a lot on my mind. Tonight is my second role play for the term and after last week’s ‘faux’ vomiting client, I’m anxious about what awaits me.

I rushed to college after work. I wanted to be sure that I got a parking spot and still had time for a quick bite to eat before heading down to the classroom. So far so good. Thought it might be a good idea to read up on the handouts that we were given last week. 5.25pm. Have to head down to the classroom to go over our presentation that’s due this weekend. It’s stressful to have 2 things on the go tonight.

We went over a few things, talked about the handouts that we were preparing for our classmates and then at 5.45pm I dashed out of the classroom and back up to the main building. I knocked on the door of the faculty lounge. J was expecting me and handed me the video camera and the tri-pod. I thanked her and made my way back to the classroom to get everything set up.

Half-way through the session, I was wishing that my client had done something as easy as fake vomiting. At least I was semi-prepared for that! Instead, I found myself trying to manage a very challenging situation whilst still trying to maintain a state of complete ‘unconditional positive regard’.

Those 40 minutes seemed to go on for ages. Finally, we got the signal that we were nearing the end of our time together. I wrapped things up as best I could and then filled out my ‘mindfulness’ sheet. Now all that remains is to steel myself for the feedback.

I was so not prepared for the feedback that I received. Everyone was so positive. The more they said wonderful things about our session, the harder it was for me to sit there and listen. I’m relieved that the tape lasts for 60 minutes and that most of this feedback will be recorded. Right now, it’s so difficult to absorb and take on board.