Peace of Mind

Monday March 21st

The beautiful relaxed feeling from yesterday wore off pretty quickly at work.  One of my closest workmates wasn’t chatting with me. It did not bode well for the rest of my day.  Mondays are really busy days and today was no exception. Between trying to get my own casework done, worrying about my friends not speaking to me and figuring out what to do with the stuff that I found in my manager’s in tray. To top it all off, I was worried about the conversation I’d had Friday afternoon with S, the manager that I was reporting to.

He had sent me an email inviting us to an ‘Ideas’ Meeting this coming Thursday. He’d given me the task of booking the meeting room and organizing morning tea. I’d never been responsible for either of those tasks before. I went to the former receptionist on our floor and, thankfully she helped me out. Those were the easy tasks.

The task that was causing me the most stress was the thought of having to go through our team stats to figure out how to build a case to get us more resources. I knew where to find the stats, but I wasn’t 100% sure how to interpret them. I felt like acquiring a new staff member depended solely on my ability to get this right.

I knew I could do the day to day things-the operational things that our manager normally took care of, but these extra responsibilities were really stretching me. It felt so horrible to not be able to talk to my close friends at work. Not only was I not able to share this information due to my position, but the people I felt closest to, weren’t speaking with me.

I mumbled a group good-bye at 4pm and felt the tears welling up in my eyes as I pushed open the bathroom door.  I sat there briefly and wiped my tears. There was nothing I could do to change things so I’d better suck it up and get on with it.

I drove across the Harbour Bridge with the air-conditioning on and the stereo turned up loud. Music always lifts my spirits. It also helped to know that I would be able to talk things over with V.

V helped me to take a look at what’s really important to me. She asked if I felt that I was cut out for this role as Acting T/L.  We weighed the options for sticking with it and for giving it up.  I knew it was only for a 2 wk period. Even if my manager eventually leaves his role, there is a process that the company would follow to replace him. I wouldn’t simply be appointed. I felt much better. Discussing things logically and rationally makes the situation so much clearer.

We chatted about my ‘vagueness’ after my morning circuit training with J. V had an interesting take on things. I’m going to need to process what she’s told me. I’m sure it’s going to bring up some interesting things for me over the coming week.

I left feeling much better! Off now for a 1 hour massage and a chiropractic adjustment. I’ve decided to treat myself to a 1 hour massage before each monthly chiro appointment. It makes the adjustment easier. Plus, it feels amazing on my muscles. They deserve a treat for working so hard each week!

Home for eggs on gluten free toast. I know I can eat ‘normal’ bread, but I just feel a bit better eating the gluten free stuff.  No meditation tonight. Just an episode of House followed by Brothers & Sisters. Then bed.