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Wednesday April 6^th

Ok- 60 push ups yesterday and I’m still feeling it this morning. It’s a nice feeling though. I can see definition in my arms and I really like it. Plus, I don’t need them for walking and sitting- unlike my quad muscles.

Now that my leave and my replacement for next week have been sorted, it was just a typical day at work. Good thing, too. I’ve got a lot on my mind. Tonight is my second role play for the term and after last week’s ‘faux’ vomiting client, I’m anxious about what awaits me.

I rushed to college after work. I wanted to be sure that I got a parking spot and still had time for a quick bite to eat before heading down to the classroom. So far so good. Thought it might be a good idea to read up on the handouts that we were given last week. 5.25pm. Have to head down to the classroom to go over our presentation that’s due this weekend. It’s stressful to have 2 things on the go tonight.

We went over a few things, talked about the handouts that we were preparing for our classmates and then at 5.45pm I dashed out of the classroom and back up to the main building. I knocked on the door of the faculty lounge. J was expecting me and handed me the video camera and the tri-pod. I thanked her and made my way back to the classroom to get everything set up.

Half-way through the session, I was wishing that my client had done something as easy as fake vomiting. At least I was semi-prepared for that! Instead, I found myself trying to manage a very challenging situation whilst still trying to maintain a state of complete ‘unconditional positive regard’.

Those 40 minutes seemed to go on for ages. Finally, we got the signal that we were nearing the end of our time together. I wrapped things up as best I could and then filled out my ‘mindfulness’ sheet. Now all that remains is to steel myself for the feedback.

I was so not prepared for the feedback that I received. Everyone was so positive. The more they said wonderful things about our session, the harder it was for me to sit there and listen. I’m relieved that the tape lasts for 60 minutes and that most of this feedback will be recorded. Right now, it’s so difficult to absorb and take on board.

Temptation Table

Tuesday April 5^th

Well, it’s official. K isn’t going to be coming back to work any time soon. The latest word is early May. Currently, I’m asking myself, can I make it through another week? How on earth am I going to make it through another 4!? Sigh…oh well- I gotta give it a go, right?

I spoke to a few members of the team this morning to see if any of them would be willing to fill in for me next week. It took a little bit of convincing, but my week off is covered! Woo hoo!

Now I just have to make it through training tonight with J.  The new Tuesday routine has more aerobic components than our usual workouts. There’s one bit where I have to run zigzag through some orange pylons and then do 5 jumping jacks /star jumps at each end. I have to do this 10 times. It doesn’t seem to matter how early or late I eat lunch, I tend to feel a bit nauseous about ½ way through. So, J takes pity on me and at one end, she has me do bicep curls with the barbell. At first, this seems like an awesome idea- anything that isn’t jumping is much better for my stomach. Then it hits me, I have 3 sets of 20 push ups to do in this circuit! My arms may very well fall off!

Another group comes into the Centre to set up for their evening function, so J suggests we do all of the running components now, and then move into the white room for the rest of the session.  By the time I finish the 40 triceps dips, the chest press and 60 push ups, I’m convinced that I’ll never be able to lift my arms above my head again.

We walked out of the white room and along the back wall of the Centre was a table decked out with 3 different types of cheeses, a giant bowl of chocolate and a huge plate of chocolate chip cookies. Now that’s just not cool!

Time Off With a Twist

Monday April 4^th

I fell asleep last night with the horrible thought that even though I’d booked my leave for next week, K had left before it had been officially approved! Now, S was on leave as of Friday. So in effect, I’m acting for K, and now I need to approach J who is acting for S. There are so many people acting in roles at work, it’s more like a drama class than a work place! I hold on to the slim hope that K will return to work today.

But, that was not to be. Fortunately, I know J well enough to send him a panicked email. I was totally relieved when he rang to tell me that my leave was approved. The kicker came when he suggested that I would need to find a team member to step in for me while I was away next week.  Not as easy as it sounds.

I put out some feelers and waited…

By 4pm, it was time to shut down and dash off to the Centre for my session with V. I had lots to talk about tonight. First on my list? Last week’s role play at college. I figured counselling would be a pretty safe career choice, but finding out first hand that I could still come face to face with my personal phobia, had shaken me a little. Well, a lot.

It was good to talk to V about it. She offered some interesting insights. If I can get past the resistance that I have to getting more in touch with my intuition and my other senses, I can access information that can help my future clients. It’s fascinating to me that when she puts across how it will assist other people, I’m interested. Yet, when it’s just for my benefit, I hesitate. 

Hibernation Day

Sunday April 3rd


Today I do not feel like relating to the outside world at all. No desire to go out and about. I just want to relax, catch up on the Biggest Loser episodes that we've been taping. Not long to go. Only 2 more to watch.


Indulged this morning...made some French Toast with my Helga's brown bread and even added some maple flavoured syrup. Divine!! Aside from measuring out the maple syrup it felt like a treat.


By 4pm, I could procrastinate no longer. Time to exercise. I started off by running for 32 minutes on the treadmill. I figured I'd be good and warmed up after that! Then it was straight into the circuit. I set the timer on my iPhone- 15 minutes to get thru the triceps circuit twice and 15 minutes to get thru the biceps circuit twice. Another 30 minutes to get through!


I was exhausted at the end of that! So, might as well meditate, right? Perfect way to relax and cool down. Then dinner, some TV and definitely bed. Sleep is so under-rated!

Normal Size 18

Saturday April 2nd

Ahhh the luxury of sleeping in. I have been sooo looking forward to this weekend. We have nothing booked and nothing planned. It seems like forever since I've had a weekend like this. If we didn't have a vocal cat, I'm sure I could have easily slept past 10am. We do, however, have a cat and he obviously didn't know our intentions. Then again, maybe he did and he just didn't want to partake.

So, it's 9am and I can no longer ignore the meowing of the cat. I head into the bathroom and hop into the shower. Might as well get ready for the day. While G has her shower, I make my self a pot of dandy tea and some eggs and toast for breakfast. I've decided to live on the edge and use Helga's bread instead of the gluten-free bread I've been eating lately. My giant sandwich on Friday didn't seem to do me too much harm.

Then, we set off to Birkenhead Point- a local DFO (direct factory outlet). G is in need of some more work shirts and I'm keen to get some tan flat shoes to wear with my new tan pants. I have cool high-heeled boots, but I'm not convinced yet that I'll be able to wear them for a full day at work. I figure having a pair of flats for back up is a good idea. We looked at a couple of shoe stores. G bought a pair of boots and I found a pair of shoes that might be suitable.

Next it was time for work shirts. As G was wandering around checking things out, I thought I might try on a size 18 jacket just for laughs. I was astounded when, not only did it fit, but I could actually DO UP the button! Unbelievable!! That piqued my interest. Maybe it would be worthwhile to try on a pair of size 18 pants to get an idea of just how far I've come and how far I still need to go. 

I followed G into the change room with my 1 pair of size 18 pants. I didn't really hold out any hope that I would be able to get them up my thighs. I waited for G to try on all of her shirts. Then, the moment of truth had arrived. I slipped off my shoes, took off my pants and stuck one foot into the taupe trousers. I was able to pull both legs up without any drama. I thought I might have to suck in my gut to get an idea of what it might look like if I could do up the zipper....but I didn't even need to do that! The button and the zipper did up. I could even sit in them!! 

They didn't look too flattering. Not something I could wear to work just yet, but I didn't care! They FIT!! A normal size 18!! Proof that I'm still doing the right things. There wasn't much space in that fitting room, but I did a 'touch down' dance anyways! A normal 18! Won't be long now until I'll be able to shop in a regular store. Watch out world!!

Home to relax and catch up on the Australia's Biggest Loser episodes that we've been recording but haven't had the time to watch.  I'm ready to be inspired!

Big Bite

 Friday April 1st


Happy April Fools Day!!


We caught the train into work and had coffee in our usual cafe.


I didn't have any meetings booked for today at work-which was a relief. My phone rang as soon as I sat down at my desk- I hadn't even logged into my systems yet. It was S. He had another project for me to organise. I figured my stress-free day was too good to last. 


I gathered as much information as I could and then I sent an email to our telecommunications guy. Hopefully he would be able to provide the data that S was looking for. 


We were down 3 people today. Surprisingly enough the phones weren't too busy. I'd packed a lunch today and would have been happy enough to eat it, if M hadn't come down with a menu from a sandwich shop called Big Bite. She convinced me that they were the best sandwiches that she'd ever eaten! I checked with my other friend A, who confirmed that she'd had a sandwich from there and it was yummy.


So, I folded under the pressure. I love roast beef and I would choose it over tuna ANY DAY! Add thick white Viennese bread and it was no contest. M placed the order and then headed up around 12pm to pick up our sandwiches. 


It's called Big Bite for a reason! At first I wasn't sure why A & K were opting to share one, but when it was too big to fit on my plate, I figured it out. It looked amazing!! Lettuce, seeded mustard, grilled capsicum, tomatoes, sprouts. There were 2 things that put me off a little: the home-made mayonnaise and the oil that was drizzled over the meat. It has been a while since I've eaten mayonnaise and I wasn't sure how it would sit with my stomach. I knew the oil would definitely wreck havoc.


The first half went down nice and easy. It was divine. By the time I started in on the second half, I wasn't sure if I could finish it all. I finally had to take a napkin and wipe off the mayo, but I managed to get it all down. I knew I wouldn't be eating much for dinner tonight!!


I was still full when I arrived home after work. Too full to exercise. I didn't want to, but I put off exercising tonight. I know I've got the rest of the weekend to fit in a circuit-and I know I need to. Missing out on the Thursday session with J and the boys was not a free ticket to loaf around. 


It was wonderful to spend a relaxing night with G. I spent some time catching up on my 'meditation journal'. Between my journal and my blog, I've been spending an awful lot of time writing.

Finally Caught UP!

Thursday March 31st

The room is dark except for the light coming from the alarm on my iPhone. I reach over to turn it off. Why does 5.21am have to come so early?  I had packed my lunch, organized my workout bag and laid out my clothes to make things easier this morning. I rolled out of bed and into the bathroom. I generally put my phone in ‘airplane’ mode at night. Firstly, it saves my battery. Secondly, it prevents emails and messages from waking me up at night. As I looked at the dark circles under my eyes, I would have given anything to crawl back into bed. I had no idea how I was going to make it through this morning’s work out.

Just then, my iPhone beeped. I looked down and a msg from J appeared on my screen. She wasn’t well and wouldn’t be able to come to group pt. I was sorry to hear that was unwell, but I was sure relieved that I could slip back under the covers for another 25 minutes. No work out this morning means I’ll have to do a circuit at home this weekend to make up for it.

On my schedule at work today was hosting my first team brief. About 9.30 I started collating all of the information that I would need to hand out or go through with the team. All in all, the whole thing went very well. It’s another thing to add to my list of accomplishments this year.

The girls tried to tempt me with Subway and Oporto’s, but I stayed strong and stuck to my tuna salad sandwich on whole wheat bread and my navel orange.  I’m pleased that I did. It means that I can have a meal out with G this weekend!

Home to catch up on my blog and as I type this sentence, I’m now completely UP TO DATE! It feels amazing! Good night everyone! I’m off to meditate!

Food for Thought

Wednesday March 30^th

G and I were up late chatting last night- it must have been close to midnight when we finally turned off the light.  It felt like my head had only just hit the pillow when the alarm went off at 5.46am. I’d give anything for a real coffee.  There’s nothing like a warm hit of caffeine to scare the brain fuzzies away.  Times like this test my resolve and today I stuck to my guns.  I returned to the table with a decaf soy latte for me and a small cappuccino for G.

I had a meeting scheduled for this morning with my new manager.  He nicked named it a ‘Fireside chat’. I wasn’t sure what to expect. We spoke about the stats and info that I would need to look at to see if getting more resources for the team was justified.  We cleared up a few other issues and then it was time to talk about me.

S asked me how I was enjoying my current role. He wanted to know if I was interested in pursuing a team leader role permanently. I’m really going to need to think hard about this. I feel a little over-whelmed at the moment, but that was because I had been thrown in the deep end.  He advised me that if I was interested and committed, he would take me under his wing and do what needed to be done to insure I was given opportunities to further my career.  I came away from that meeting with lots to think about.

Off to college for another round of role plays. My intention was to hang out in the café and catch up on my blog. I completely forgot that I was meeting my group members from the Addictions intensive weekend to organise our project.  M called me on my mobile to remind me and I packed up my stuff and hurried off to the classroom to join them.  It’s starting to come together nicely.

Tonight’s role play was really personally challenging for me – and I was just an observer. It hi-lited an area that I really need to work on and sort through. I know I’ll take what happened tonight to my next session with V.

Too tired to meditate. 

Push up power!

Tuesday March 29^th

And so begins another work week. It’s raining cats and dogs, which makes driving to work a bit stressful, but it’s definitely more comfortable than catching the train and getting drenched on our stroll through the park.  I’m looking forward to catching up with J tonight. My diet hasn’t been terrific since she’s been away. There have been a number of contributing factors- stress at work being one of them. And I’m interested in hearing her take on things.

Work was pretty full on – it has been for the past few weeks. I’m relieved when 4.30pm rolls around and I can log off.  I went to get changed only to realise that I’d left my ¾ pants at home and had packed shorts instead. It meant I had to pull my work pants on over top of them; I’m still not comfortable walking through my office building wearing workout gear!

J and I chatted for about 15 minutes. I tried to tell her everything that had been happening for me. She suggested that I write a list of all of the foods that I was craving and then, on a selected day, I could choose to eat an item from the list.  The girls at work often have Thai for lunch and a plan like this would enable me to participate. I liked the sound of it.

J also suggested that it’s possible that I was bored with what I’d been eating and maybe it was time to shake things up a bit. She started to tell me about a new 30 day diet book that she was reading. I jokingly interrupted by telling her I wasn’t up for another 3-4 week intensive eating plan! She laughed and told me it was more like a recipe and meal planner book. She offered to email me a few new things to try out.

With a few new tools in my tool bag, it was time to get sweating. Today’s goal was to get through the circuits 2.5 times. To date, I’d only ever gotten through it twice.  When J gave me the option of push ups or hamstring curls for round 3, I chose the push ups! I couldn’t believe it! And, I made J swear she wouldn’t tell the boys! All of us whinge about push ups in our morning sessions. I didn’t want it to get out that I was choosing them voluntarily!

By the end of tonight’s training session, I was well and truly rooted.  My quads were aching and I wasn’t sure if I would make it down the stairs in one piece! Somehow, I did it!  I could hardly bear the thought of wandering through the grocery store, but I knew it was necessary.

Groceries, dinner, TV- Winners & Losers episode 2. And then bed.

Reading, Relaxing & Raddox

Monday March 28^th

The cat took it upon himself to be my alarm this morning. So much for a lovely relaxing sleep in.  8.30 isn’t the new 10am, let me assure you! But I suppose it’s still better than 6am!

It was wonderful to sit at the kitchen table with my soy dandy and my book and eat a leisurely breakfast. I dream of mornings like this. Around 11, I headed out to Burwood shopping centre for a browse and a haircut. It’s nice to be able to see again!

Home for lunch and another couple of chapters in my book. Then time to catch up on my Blog. It’s gotten so out of hand over the past few weeks. My goal is to catch it up to date, and then stay on top of things!

I still needed to fit in another circuit training session before catching up with J tomorrow. I jumped into my workout gear and hopped on the treadmill for a 32 minute run. By the end of that, I was definitely warmed up! I set out the stations for my circuit training and got started!

To keep things as authentic as possible, I set the timer on my iPhone to insure that I completed 2 rounds of each circuit in the 15 mins that J usually allocates. I’d forgotten how taxing this set of circuits could be! No wonder I was sore for the first 2 months of exercising! My arms were killing me! I hope J doesn’t work me too hard tomorrow!

It felt glorious to sink into a steamy hot bath. I added some Raddox to see if that would help my aching muscles. And then, I stayed put until I finished my book. Time for dinner, TV and a meditation before bed.

Yum cha & the Park

Saturday March 26^th

Another early morning start. Shower. Breakfast. Into the car to make our fortnightly trek to Castle Hill to watch S practice gymnastics.  C tells me that S has been practicing her cartwheels every day after school. It’s obviously paying off! S can do a cartwheel in both directions! I never mastered the art of cartwheels as a kid and I’m really proud that she has.

Even though it’s an early start, I really enjoy watching her. I’m amazed at how easy she makes things look. I try translating her moves to my body and I come up short every time. Will there ever be day that I’ll be able to hang from a bar with my knees tucked against my chest? Sigh…

Home to watch a couple of episodes of Mister Maker. Then, judging by the rumbling in our tummies, it was definitely time for another round of vegetarian yum cha. We all love it! And the best part is the food comes straight out. In my opinion, it was perfect. All of my favourite dishes came out one after the other –almost like I’d planned it. Gotta love it when that happens!

While G went off to vote in the NSW state election, S and I made play doh cupcakes with the set she got for her birthday. I’m a resident but not a citizen, so I am unable to vote. This time around, I was kinda glad. I have no idea who I would have voted for.

About 4pm, S decided she’d had enough of hanging out in the house and suggested that we go to the park.  Instead of walking, we figured it might be more fun to take her scooter.  It was! For the first time ever, she rode it all the way there! We had a blast at the park. I love playing with her. And I was secretly thrilled when she wanted to race me to the swings and it was easy. Normally, my knees start to hurt and I give up after about 10 steps. After running on the treadmill for the past few weeks, I actually felt like I could have kept going!

Bath time seemed like a good idea to wash off the adventures in the great outdoors.  We had our first bath bomb. S was totally enthralled! I think she would have had 3 more baths in a row, just to use up the other 3 bombs!

I popped the Backyardigans into the DVD player and we watched an episode while we ate dinner. Eventually, I’d like to be able to use the kitchen table for more than just storage! I tucked Little Miss into bed.

Then, it was back to the lounge to watch Alien 3 and catch up on my Blog.  I managed to fit in a 30min meditation before hopping into bed to get some much needed sleep. 

The End of Another Week

Friday March 25^th

Tired. Oh so tired.  5 days in a row of ‘being in charge’. After surviving yesterday’s meeting, I’m feeling much more relaxed. We’re not picking S up tonight, so we’re trying to get ready in time to catch the train. That means leaving earlier than normal to get a park at the train station. I’m keen to avoid paying for parking in the city. Luck is on our side and we managed to get one of the last parking spots.

S was already looking into the team’s wish list. He sent me an email confirming that we had approval for second monitors! For me, it was symbolic of the fact that he was serious about making things better for us if he could. The team was very excited!

I celebrated with Thai for lunch. I know I have to stop having it so often. It’s not great for me. I think it’s the pressure at work that is making me give in so easily. What happened to the resolve that I had in February and early March on the Detox diet? Surely, I can find a way to draw on that again. On a positive note, I managed to turn a deaf ear to the siren serenade of the soda cans in the fridge and say no to a Cadbury Crunchie Easter egg.

G picked me up after work and we walked through the park together on our way to catch the train. The plan tonight: circuit training, dinner, TV and catching up on my blog. I have the skeleton outline finished, but I really need to get written and posted!

We crawled into bed around 11pm. There was a party going on across the street and the music sounded like it was coming from my speakers. Even if we had wanted to be in bed early, it would have been impossible to sleep.  Meditation fell by the wayside too. It’s not as easy as I thought to find 30mins each day to meditate.  

The Proof is in the Pants

Thursday March 24^th

The day of the meeting has arrived! I slip into a navy pin-stripe suit. Might as well look the part even if I feel out of my depth. I placed the order for the morning tea yesterday before I left work. Hopefully it’s ready to go in time for our meeting.

S appeared at my desk 5 minutes before the meeting was due to start. We sorted out petty cash to pay for the morning tea. He went into another quick meeting and I ducked downstairs to pay for our nibblies and check on the order. The coffees were almost ready to go. I handed over the cash and went back upstairs to enlist some help in carrying up the trays. 

When C set the platter of muffins, Florentines, brownines, petit chocolates and key lime pie on the table, S raised his eyebrow and asked me if I was sure we had enough food.  I was positive we did! Turns out I was right! We had left-overs, even though I over-indulged. I consumed ½  Florentine, ½ a key lime tart, and ¼ of a brownie. Divine!!

The meeting went very well. It took us a while to let down our guard and loosen up, but once we did, we came up with a list of great ideas! S was very open to our suggestions and that did wonders for the morale in the room. S asked me to type up the minutes from the meeting and email them so that he could take a closer look at things.

An hour later, it was time to eat a ‘farewell’ lunch with one of the teams on our floor. They were allocated to a completely different section when the re-structure happened and now they were moving to a different floor in the building. It had taken us a while to blend our 3 teams together, but after 4 years of working with them, we’d be sorry to see them go.

They ordered Portuguese chicken, wedges, French fries, coleslaw, fresh bread rolls, fruit salad, cans of soft drink and boxes of mini-Magnums (chocolate covered vanilla ice cream).  Oh wow! I limited myself to 3 pieces of chicken and some fruit salad. The bread rolls looked tempting, but I figured I’d already consumed enough gluten at this morning’s meeting. The soda cans called to me from the fridge. I opened the door. The middle shelf was lined with black cans of Pepsi Max and Schwepps Lemonade. I looked at the calories on both labels. Then I thought about how I would feel if I drank one. That made the decision so much easier. The mini-Magnum won hands down.

Needless to say, I didn’t accomplish much at work today. It was more of an eating frenzy!  G and I planned to go to Burwood Westfield shopping centre. Even though I gorged myself today, most of my pants were too loose on me and I was keen to buy some that fit better.

Much to my surprise, I managed to fit into size 18 pants,  size 18 shirts and size 16 board shorts!! OMG!  I couldn’t help myself! I did a funky dance in the change room!! This is WICKED!! It’s almost winter, but I bought the board shorts out of spite! I was so ecstatic that I could fit into them, I wasn’t leaving the shop without them in the bag!

As we were paying, G noticed some boxes piled on the shelf behind the counter. Boots. Boots that are made to fit calves like mine! I had purchased some light tan pants and the sales girl suggested that I pick up some light brown shoes. It never occurred to me that my favourite store now sold footwear! I tried on a pair of tan boots and they fit perfectly! I felt like I’d won the lottery! What an amazing shopping experience!

G really wanted to work out tonight, so we left the shop. I think I was on Cloud 9! New boots, new outfits and size 16 board shorts. This is only a taste of what’s to come. G got ready to go for a run, so I got ready to meditate. I plugged in my salt rock lamp and a beautiful, soft orange glow illuminated the room. The cat curled up in the crook of my arm. The next 30 minutes passed peacefully.

To compensate for the indulgences of today, I made my self a protein power shake, watched a bit of TV and headed for bed. I was convinced that today would be a tough day. I had no idea that it would end on such a high note. Finally, I’m starting to reap the rewards of all of my hard work. 

One More Sleep

Wednesday March 23th

It’s mid-term break, which means no college this week. I’m relieved.  It’s nice not to have to rush off to St Leonards and after the stress of the past few weeks, it couldn’t have come at a better time.

Today was definitely a better day at work. The ice finally broke and the truth about what was upsetting my friend came out. Turns out it wasn’t about me at all.  Funny how I jump to that conclusion almost out of habit. I need to spend some time sorting through my old though patterns.

I didn’t exercise last night, so I was determined to get a circuit in tonight! I promised J that I would fit in 3 circuits while she was away and continue to run on the treadmill.  I’m determined to have a good report card to show her next Tuesday.

I have all the equipment that I need to do the ‘original’ circuit at home in my lounge room: bar bells, dumb bells, aerobic step, gym ball and a yoga mat. I set my iPhone up to time each circuit. I needed to treat this like a group pt session. I did 40 curl ups, 2 x plank (holding for 30 secs each) and a few other core muscle exercises to warm up. Then, I hit the timer and started in on the biceps circuit. Even without J present, I stuck to the push ups from my knees. Nearly did me in, but I did it! Finished both circuits before the 15 minute timer went off.

Then, meditation. I must have fallen asleep. Talk about relaxed. When I woke up, I was already 4 minutes into the second track on the meditation CD. That will make for an interesting journal entry!

I’m tired, but tomorrow’s meeting is weighing heavy on my mind. I want to get to bed early, but it’s after 11 before my head hits the pillow. 

Tuesday without a workout

Tuesday March 22nd

Things are still ugly at work today.  I’m choosing to think it’s ‘not all about me’. I know this job is stressful and dealing with this stuff day in and day out can make anyone angry. Add the sale of the retail side of the business, the new re-structure and the fact that our manager is off and, presto – it’s a volatile situation in the making!

Although I miss chatting with my friends, I am getting an amazing amount of work done. J is overseas so I don’t have my normal workout tonight. Instead, I stayed back until 6pm to finish up a few loose ends. G would be late getting home tonight anyways. I didn’t see any point in rushing.

The dirty dishes on the counter demanded my attention when I walked into the kitchen. I set up my iPhone- might as well sing whilst washing- and rolled up my sleeves. Singing and dancing on the spot made the chores pass surprisingly quickly.

I watched a bit of TV and waited for the phone to ring. Style is my middle name –not, so I slipped into some tracky dacks (sweat pants) and a comfy T-shirt to jump in the car and head down to the station to pick G up.

Neither one of us were overly hungry so we made a cuppa tea and settled in to watch Channel 7’s new series premiere Winners & Losers. It’s by the same team who developed my other favourite show Packed to the Rafters so I’m hoping it will be good!

It was pretty good! Definitely good enough to watch next week!

Meditation. Then bed.

Peace of Mind

Monday March 21st

The beautiful relaxed feeling from yesterday wore off pretty quickly at work.  One of my closest workmates wasn’t chatting with me. It did not bode well for the rest of my day.  Mondays are really busy days and today was no exception. Between trying to get my own casework done, worrying about my friends not speaking to me and figuring out what to do with the stuff that I found in my manager’s in tray. To top it all off, I was worried about the conversation I’d had Friday afternoon with S, the manager that I was reporting to.

He had sent me an email inviting us to an ‘Ideas’ Meeting this coming Thursday. He’d given me the task of booking the meeting room and organizing morning tea. I’d never been responsible for either of those tasks before. I went to the former receptionist on our floor and, thankfully she helped me out. Those were the easy tasks.

The task that was causing me the most stress was the thought of having to go through our team stats to figure out how to build a case to get us more resources. I knew where to find the stats, but I wasn’t 100% sure how to interpret them. I felt like acquiring a new staff member depended solely on my ability to get this right.

I knew I could do the day to day things-the operational things that our manager normally took care of, but these extra responsibilities were really stretching me. It felt so horrible to not be able to talk to my close friends at work. Not only was I not able to share this information due to my position, but the people I felt closest to, weren’t speaking with me.

I mumbled a group good-bye at 4pm and felt the tears welling up in my eyes as I pushed open the bathroom door.  I sat there briefly and wiped my tears. There was nothing I could do to change things so I’d better suck it up and get on with it.

I drove across the Harbour Bridge with the air-conditioning on and the stereo turned up loud. Music always lifts my spirits. It also helped to know that I would be able to talk things over with V.

V helped me to take a look at what’s really important to me. She asked if I felt that I was cut out for this role as Acting T/L.  We weighed the options for sticking with it and for giving it up.  I knew it was only for a 2 wk period. Even if my manager eventually leaves his role, there is a process that the company would follow to replace him. I wouldn’t simply be appointed. I felt much better. Discussing things logically and rationally makes the situation so much clearer.

We chatted about my ‘vagueness’ after my morning circuit training with J. V had an interesting take on things. I’m going to need to process what she’s told me. I’m sure it’s going to bring up some interesting things for me over the coming week.

I left feeling much better! Off now for a 1 hour massage and a chiropractic adjustment. I’ve decided to treat myself to a 1 hour massage before each monthly chiro appointment. It makes the adjustment easier. Plus, it feels amazing on my muscles. They deserve a treat for working so hard each week!

Home for eggs on gluten free toast. I know I can eat ‘normal’ bread, but I just feel a bit better eating the gluten free stuff.  No meditation tonight. Just an episode of House followed by Brothers & Sisters. Then bed.

Sunday Quality Time

Sunday March 20^th

Sigh…there is nothing quite like sleeping until I wake up naturally. No alarm. No annoying cat. Just my eyelids opening of their own accord. BLISS. I reach over to grab my iPhone to check the time: 10:43am. WOW! That’s like 2 weeknights of normal sleep ALL in one hit!

I wandered out to the lounge to find G watching TV with the volume turned low so it wouldn’t disturb me. The cat was curled up in my normal spot on the lounge. It was a perfect Sunday morning in the making.

We already had plans to spend the day together doing relaxing things. G headed into the bathroom for a shower and I watched an episode of My Kitchen Rules. Then I turn my turn in the bathroom. Freshly showered and well rested, I hopped into my clothes. G turned off the lights, said good bye to the cat and then we were off. Destination: Glebe for breakfast.

Both of us decided on the big breakfast: poached eggs, whole wheat toast (even though I clearly asked for white!), 1 sausage, 1 hash brown, 1 tbsp of baked beans, a slice of fried tomato and a few sautéed mushrooms. I topped it off with a mug of decaf soy latte. In retrospect, it was good that the breakfast wasn’t the size that I was expecting. Any more than what was on my plate and I would not have been feeling too flash.

We strolled leisurely back to the shopping centre just in time to buy a medium popcorn and 2 bottles of water, followed by a quick pit stop and then up the stairs to our designated theatre. My friend at work had given us 4 free tickets to the movies and today seemed like the perfect day to use 2 of them to watch The Adjustment Bureau. It was a wonderful way to spend the day together. Both of us enjoyed the movie but most of all we enjoyed each other’s company.

I knew what was waiting for me at home- the treadmill. I changed into my running gear and got started. I even discovered a new song that was perfect to run to at a speed of 8kms/hr, Brian McFadden’s new one : I Like You Just the Way You Are (Drunk at the Bar). The lyrics are a bit interesting…but the beat is perfect!

After the run, I got my meditation pillow ready and positioned myself on the floor. I called for the cat and he came and curled up in the crook of my arm. 30 mins later I was definitely relaxed.

I considered what I’d eaten for breakfast and the popcorn at the movies and thought it might be best to have a protein power shake for dinner. Then we settled in to watch a recorded episode of the Good Wife.

I filled out my meditation journal and then headed for bed. I’ve got a full week ahead of me. 

Mini Spinach & Ricotta Rolls

Saturday March 19^th

I’m so glad G was able to drive me this morning! The weather is lousy and there’s track work on the north line. It’s likely I would have been delayed or possibly even late for college. As it is, I got there with about 13 minutes to spare. Some of my other classmates weren’t so lucky.  It was close to 10am by the time the last stragglers made it in.

We did a bit of review on the readings and then we got into groups and talked about our first assignment. It was mostly a research project. We needed to put together a resource list of ‘Relationship’ counseling agencies in our area that we could refer our clients to if needed. Then we had to ring an agency that we’d researched to see what it would be like to be a client ringing up for the first time.

On our first break, I headed to the café with only one thought in my mind: it’s the weekend and I can have my first gluten pastry. I already had my pastry in mind- not just one, but 2 spinach and ricotta mini-rolls. DIVINE!! The first one went down like a dream. The second one was fine for the first few bites…and then I started to feel very full. I shrugged and popped the rest of the roll in my mouth. I knew I’d pay for it, but it tasted so heavenly.

By the time I made it back to class, my stomach was feeling particularly heavy and bloated. I figured it would pass by lunch time.

No such luck. I was hungry, but I didn’t feel like eating. I couldn’t face the thought of a salad and the other items that did interest me, were made with gluten. Based on how I was feeling, gluten would be a bad idea. I finally settled on some yogurt with granola (muesli for those of you in Oz). It took me AGES to eat it.

½ of the class watched a video while the other ½ did their role play assessments. Then we swapped. The assessments were a very interesting learning opportunity and all of us were pleased with the outcome. Then, it was quiz time.

I’d have to say, this test was the hardest one we’d had to take so far! It was multiple choice, but for some of the questions, it was more like ‘multiple guess’! I was very pleased that I’d spent so much time doing the readings on Thursday night. If I had left it to cram at lunch time, I would have been in trouble –especially since our group had to watch the video whilst eating lunch.

It felt good to be finished the course and even better to know that my life was back on a normal keel. I couldn’t believe that I had survived the past 5 weeks of detox, college and assignments! Tonight, I could watch TV with a clear conscious and go to bed knowing that I had no reason to be up early! Life’s Good!

G picked me up and we stopped off at the grocery store to pick up a few items for dinner: steak, potatoes and corn. I couldn’t wait!

My stomach was still a little unhappy with me, but I popped a digestive enzyme and set out to enjoy my steak dinner anyways!

Ahhhh. So nice to be relaxing. 

Sleep Deprived

Friday March 18^th

At last! The weekend has arrived! I just need to get through today.  With no after work activities planned, we decided to catch the train into the city.  We relaxed for 30 mins in our usual café before we went off in separate directions to face our work days.

We’re short-staffed today. Only half of the team is in. It makes for a very long, stressful day. I can’t help but feel that I’m slightly alienated now that I’m an acting team leader. It feels like they aren’t talking to me the same way that they were before I took on this role.

I try to chalk up my uneasiness to lack of sleep, college stress and the craziness of the past few weeks. Hopefully the world will look different once this course finishes on Saturday and I have some time to relax and hang out with G.

As much as I’d like to kick back in front of the TV tonight, I force myself to walk into the study and get started on my assignments. G is super-sweet and supportive. She makes us dinner and then let’s me get back to my studies. It’s just past midnight by the time I print off my assignments and turn off the computer.

I’m physically and mentally exhausted, but sleep does not come easily. My mind is racing and I’m tempted to get up and read a few pages of a novel. My eyes protest and so I lay there, trying to fall asleep.

Caffeine is still a 'no-go' zone...-

Thursday March 17th:

Up early for another ‘crack of dawn’ morning group PT session with J and the guys. Don’t know what it is about these Thursday morning workouts, but they are definitely the worst when it comes to being emotional! I always seem to feel like crying part of the way through.

I’d spoken to J on Tuesday about how vague, disconnected and unfocused I feel after the Thursday and Monday morning workout sessions. She couldn’t think of what it might be off the top of her head, and said she’d send an email to V to see if she could come up with something. 

I emailed V to give her a detailed a description of what I was feeling. I suggested coffee as a possible ‘cure’, citing examples of studies that showed how coffee increased secretaries ability to focus and typing speed. I can’t continue to feel this vacant after exercising or I’ll never catch up on my workload.

V sent me a very brief email back telling me to steer clear of coffee and that she would get back to me with more information. Sigh. So much for that idea. I bet coffee would really have an impact for me now after being off it for over a month.

Instead, I turned to Thai food to kick start my energy levels and help me cope with the stress of the past couple of days. Man, did it ever taste divine! I could so get used to this again. And, therein lies the rub. I need to find something that will help me cope with stress that doesn’t impact on my health or on all the hard work that I’m doing to get fit.

I’m SO exhausted and still have so much to get through. I haven’t started on the assignments that are due for this weekend’s college course. I know I should start writing one tonight, but after spending 2.5hrs reading through the handouts and the articles that the lecturer assigned, I just don’t have the energy or the inclination.

Instead, I ate dinner, did my meditation, and hit the hay at 9.30.