Gymnastics & Vegetarian Yum Cha

Sunday Feb 13 

Lazy day today. Overcast, cool, and likely to rain. Not ideal weather for outdoor activities. So, S and I do some colouring, make some craft,  and set up the Zhu Zhu pet spiral slide that we picked up yesterday with S's birthday money from Grandpa D. I'm not always the most patient person, and this plastic toy set nearly got the best of me! It doesn't help that once it's set up, S only really wants to play with it for another 10 minutes. Sigh. 

So, we move into the back room to play Barbie online games and Barbie Island Princess. Over lunch, the 3 of us finish watching Fantasia. Then it's back to the computer room for a bit more Barbie until S reminds me that I said she could watch a movie. So, we managed to squeeze in "Barbie in a Mermaid Tale.' 

I'm feeling stressed about the Detox diet. The more I think about having to give up caffeine, gluten and my favourite Jalna yogurts, the more I crave carbs, sugar and comfort food.  I even ate 3 lollies today: 2 toffee chews and 1 Starburst chew. Usually I can manage to control these urges. I think I'm going to have to talk to J about it. 

I feel really bad. I did agree to do the Detox with her, but it just seems to involve so much extra work- like meal preparation. And I can't seem to master that eating 'normally', let alone being super careful to stick to the diet.  Maybe I'm not ready for a detox yet. Part of me thinks that I'd be able to give up caffeine (which I know won't be pleasant) but I'm not convinced about the gluten or the normal dairy. I wonder if I could ease into it? Not go straight into the detox, but give up a few things at a time. I've mostly given up sugar, but on this detox, I wouldn't even be allowed to substitute with Xylitol.  Sigh. I don't know what to do. Well, that's not entirely true- I know what I want to do, but I don't know how to break it to J. 

Instead, I snuggle S in closer to me as we watch the movie. That's the best bit about watching movies with her -holding her close and just having her with me. I don't even mind watching the same movies over and over. 

Before I know it, the day is over and it's time to pack up and head off to meet C. S has a big week ahead of her. School, swimming lessons on Monday and of course, gymnastics on Saturday. I want to make sure we meet C at a reasonable time so S can get a good night's sleep. 

Today, as I gave her a hug & kiss good-bye she said, "I'm not going to cry today, Mumma Jay''. 

I rumpled her hair, smiled at her and said, "Good girl! Cuz you know you're going to see me again really soon, right?'

She nodded. "Yes! I love you!' 

I stood and waved as they drove out of the parking lot. No guarantee that I wasn't going to cry. Aside from a few tears, I was ok. She is growing up so fast and I am so proud of her. 

Saturday Feb 12  Vegetarian Yum Cha 

Up at the crack of dawn, just like a work day. The poor cat doesn't know what hit him! He raises his head, squints a blue eye open just a crack and gives me a funny look as if to say 'but it's Saturday', before lowering his head back down onto his paw. I hop into the shower. G goes to the kitchen to turn the kettle on. We're ready to go by 7.10am. Off to watch S do gymnastics! 

GPS gets us to our location without too much drama and we're even 10 minutes early! It's a huge complex with a pool at one end, the gymnastics gym in the middle and a fitness gym with all the usual equipment at the other end. There are people everywhere! Welcome to Saturday morning sport, I think to myself! S & C arrive about 5mins past 8. S runs up and leaps into my arms! I swing her around and relish the tight grip she has on me. I've missed her just as much as she's missed me. Her group is lining up on the mats, so she pulls off her shoes and runs to join them. 

I can't believe how fit these kids are! 12 yr old boys with abs like Brad Pitt! Amazing!! C jokingly tells us she'll be enrolling S's baby brother in gymnastics as soon as he's old enough so that he can have a physique like them! I laughed and joked back, telling her it's just so she doesn't have to spend her Saturdays on the cricket pitch!


It was wonderful to watch S with her group. I couldn't believe some of the things she is capable of doing. She could hang from the lower parallel bar and draw her knees to her chest and just dangle there until her instructor told her she could drop. I want core muscles like that!! And she climbed the rope like a little monkey!! Amazing! I'm so proud of her.


Then it was off to The Green Gourmet in Newtown for vegetarian yum cha. Talk about yum! It's probably more carbs than I should be eating, but it tastes so good! It was a lovely treat for the three of us. S loves it too.


We stopped by Broadway Shopping Centre on our way home. Grandpa D sent S some money for her birthday and since her birthday is so close to Christmas, we thought it would be nice for her to choose what she really wanted. She was in her ELEMENT! It took her awhile, but she finally settled on 3 items. 


Then it was home to relax. S was pretty tuckered out after her first full week of school and an hour of gymnastics! We played with her new 'Barbie Glitterizer'. Then, we watched a movie, ate some dinner, gave her a quick bath and tucked her into bed. G and I weren't too far behind! I knew S would be up early tomorrow.

Friday Feb 11 

Tuckered out. I can't seem to get enough sleep these days. It doesn't matter when I go to bed, I'm exhausted when I wake up. We decide to catch the train today. Normally, we'd take the car so I could race off after work to meet C to pick up Sophia. We decided that it would be a better idea this weekend to let her sleep at C's tonight. It's the end of her first full week at 'Kindergarten'. By the time I make it to Castle Hill through the traffic, it will be at least 6.30 pm. Then it's another 40 minutes to an hour to get to our place. Even with a quick catch up and dinner, it will be 8.30 at least by the time we tuck her into bed. 

If we didn't have to worry about getting up the next morning, that would be fine. S has enrolled in gymnastics on a Saturday morning and her class starts at 8am. That would mean getting up at 6am and leaving by 7am to get her there on time. I think it would be asking too much of my little girl to do all of that racing around.  So, I decided to forfeit Friday night, so that she could be well-rested. 

It's my day off the phones and I'm working hard to get through as many of my cases as I can. 

Thursday Feb 10 

Tired this morning. Even though I only have 1 class on a Wednesday night now, by the time I got petrol, groceries and made my way home, it was 9.30pm -just in time for Fringe. I needed to wind down, so by the time my head hit the pillow and I fell asleep, it was probably close to 11pm. Not ideal when one has to crawl out of bed at 5.20am the next morning. But, crawl I did. 

Due to a vehical breakdown blocking one of the lanes of the CityWestLink in the Lillyfield area, I'm about 5mins late for training. Not happy. I jogged up the stairs (knowing that I probably missed the actual 'warm up'). Sure enough, both guys were sitting on gym balls stretching their neck extensors. I took my spot in the middle and joined in. 

I can keep pace with A, but B runs circles around both of us!! Sometimes I find that inspiring -something to strive for. Other times, I find it demoralising. Today it was both in equal measure! But I managed to get through the triceps circuit twice (bar the chest presses) in 15 mins. Pretty cool! And the biceps circuit I was short getting through it twice by 10 hamstring curls. Not too shabby! 

I didn't think it was possible, but these circuits are finally becoming manageable. I know not to get too complacent though because J is already talking about mixing things up again! 3 minutes of Bliss. Roll up the yoga mat and it's time to dash off to work to have my shower and get ready to face the workday. 

G is donating blood tonight so my intention is to get through as much of my work as possible in the extra hour that I'll have in the afternoon waiting for her to be finished. My day went mostly to plan- aside from hearing back from HR about my application for the Emerging Leadership course. Sigh. I didn't get in. And, surprisingly, I was quite bitter about it- even disappointed. Although I hadn't been overly desperate to get in, the fact that I was knocked back upset me. I guess I still perceive it as a rejection, no matter how logically I can view the situation. 

I'm desperate to eat comfort food today- maybe the 'rejection' is contributing. I mentioned it to 2 of my friends at work. One told me that I should order what I want-without the noodles. I laughed at her and told her that what I wanted was a 'noodle' dish and it would be pointless without the noodles. My other friend didn't say much, but later when I met her in the lunch room around 3.30 to eat my 'healthy' lunch, she told me that her section had ordered Thai (just like they always do on a Thursday) but she completely avoided asking me! Normally, she'll ask, knowing that I'll say no. Today she didn't, knowing that I would have said 'yes'. Now, THAT is the mark of a good friend! 

I dropped G off at home, stopped by Office Works to pick up some school supplies and Franklins to pick up potting soil for a cutting of a plant that I brought home from work today. G helps me pot the plant in a clay pot that we have around the side of the unit and then it's time for salmon. Yum! The Good Wife & Desperate Housewives (well part of it, cuz I know I need to get some sleep). Great end to the day. 


Wednesday Feb 9  First Night Back at College 

3rd day driving to work in a row! First day of college tonight. I'm excited and not excited at the same time. I know my good friends won't be coming back this year and I'm really going to miss them. I feel a bit sad about that. 

Good thing I got to college early. They changed the building that our class is in. Tonight, it's in the yoga room- where we had our weekend intensive last December. I plunked myself down on the staircase, opened my lunch box, took out my nectarine and my sunflower seeds and dug in. It's tricky to read and eat a nectarine at the same time! 

Wasn't long before one of my classmates appeared. We started chatting about our summers and discussing how many people were likely to be in our class tonight. Our lecturer walked in a few minutes later and answered that question. 5. Wow. Only 5 of us tonight. 

I thought back to our term 2 Tuesday evening class. We only had 5 people then too, and I loved it! And we had the same lecturer tonight as we did back then. Should be good! 

Straight in no kisses, as my friend Dom would say! We were given 2 pieces of homework tonight that are due in next week! And, the dreaded video camera made it's debut! We will each have 2 sessions that are recorded and then we will have to critique ourselves on how well we thought we did. WOW! Should make for a very interesting TERM!! 

Petrol, groceries, Fringe, dinner and then bed. 

Tuesday Feb 8  Workout 


Another good night's sleep without the fan on. My legs are a little sore from last night's exertions on the treadmill. Should be an interesting training session this arvo. It's time to take new photos and measurements today.  J shows me some new stretches and some new exercises to strengthen my knees. Then it's on to the normal circuit. 


Working out with J is now an experience that I look forward to -especially since I don't seem to have the same motivation at home that I used to have. J pushes me beyond what I think I can do and as much as I grit my teeth and wish it was over, when it is over, I feel like I've truly achieved something.


Monday Feb 7  

Finally the heat wave has passed! I think it will take more than simply one night to catch up on a week's worth of sleep, but man, did it feel amazing to sleep without the fan last night! 

Today was a typical day at work. Not too much to mention. 

Tough counselling session tonight. Still not too sure how I'm really feeling about it. Prolly take a few more days to process. 

So, to help me get through the funk that I'm in, I decide to give the treadmill a go. Just for fun, I tried the 'personal fan' that comes with it--and believe it or not, when it's not +40 degrees, I can actually feel a breeze! Liking it a lot!  I flipped through the booklet and found a program that suits my fitness level. It starts at 4kms/hr for 2mins, then 6kms for 2 mins, then 8kms for 2mins. Then, it's 4mins at 6kms, 4 mins at 8kms, 4mins at 6kms, 4 mins at 8kms. Then it drops back to 2mins at 6ms, then 2mins at 8km, 2 mins at 6kms, 2 mins at 8kms and finishes at 6kms for 2mins. All up, it's a 32 minute session.  Perfect for me because I still have to push myself and I don't have to keep reducing the speed. 

I'm pleased with my efforts. My knees are a bit sore. I'm hot and sweaty-but that's nothing a quick shower can't fix. And I know I'll be able to sleep now without tonight's session playing over and over in my head.

Our Last Monday, 12 yrs in Oz and the Heatwave!

Sunday Feb 6


It's still SO hot! It was 28 degrees at 11pm last night! Our poor fan is just blowing warm air around! So hard to sleep. So tired. It's been over a week since this heatwave set in. However, they are promising a cool change for early afternoon today. Can't wait!

Breakfast and then it's time to head up the coast to visit some friends.

The traffic isn't too bad on a Sunday! The temperature gauge in the car says it 33 degrees. I'm so hanging out for the cool change; it simply can't come soon enough! We're set to have a BBQ outside, but none of us are keen to leave the air-conditioned lounge room. About 12.45, the rain starts. Still not the blessed 'Southerly'.


Then it comes bucketing down!! At last!! And the wind sprung up out of nowhere, bringing with it the Southerly all of us had been longing for!! Relief!

We had a wonderful visit with our friends. And it was so lovely to get out of Sydney for the day.

I decided that I would relax my eating a bit for today. So, I ate some water crackers with chive cheese and a few pieces of cabanossi (BBQ nibbly staples!). And, when P came in with a plate full of Kranski sausage and haloumi freshly grilled on the BBQ,  I couldn't resist. It was absolutely beautiful!!

Lunch itself was fairly healthy. I settled for a piece of steak, a small serve of home-made Singapore noodles, 1/2 a piece of corn on the cob (no butter or salt) and garden salad with cherry tomatoes, 'apple cucumbers' (I'd never seen these before! They looked like a miniature white Australian footy and boy were they tasty!!) and green capsicum (no dressing).

About an hour later, we were offered coffee and dessert. I always bring Xylitol with me for occasions just like this! That way, I can sweeten my coffee and not feel guilty! We had brought some soft, chewy cookies- some with mini-M&Ms and some with Snickers pieces. They are beautiful and very reminiscent of the cookies you can buy at Subway. I didn't eat any. However, I could not resist the thin slice of Rocky Road. It was 'melt-in-your-mouth' divine. I savoured it. But, after about 15 minutes, the sugar headache set in. I felt heavy and yucky. Sigh...ripped off.

By the time we got up to leave, all of us were feeling a bit chilly, but none of us were game to say anything after whinging about the heatwave! I was glad to get into the car and out of the wind. Home to a very light dinner, blogging a bit of TV and then, bed, glorious bed!! I'm so looking forward to sleeping tonight!! It's been over a week since I have had a decent night's sleep.


Saturday Feb 5

Too hot to get a decent sleep in. Even staying up late wasn't enough to help me sleep past 8.30am. Breakfast, shower and then it's off to Marrickville Metro to get a haircut. With weather like this, it's tempting to cut it short, but I settle for just a trim of my bangs/fringe.

We spent a bit of time looking for movies at Sanity. I'd read on line that Disney had re-released Fantasia and I knew G was keen to get her hands on a copy. We walked out with more than just Fantasia! I've downloaded a movie app for my iPhone which means we won't ever buy the same movie twice!

Subway for lunch. We shared a foot long Tuna Sub-no sauce, no cheese on brown bread. Yum!! I love Subway- fresh, tasty and as long as I don't make bad choices- guilt-free! We shared a bottle of water. All in all, it was a good outing.

The temperature outside was +45 degrees Celsius!! Not an ideal day to drive a BLACK car!! Everything we touched was smoking hot! Even the poor air-con was struggling. I think everyone in Sydney who doesn't have air-conditioning at home was out either at the shopping centres or the movies! I was grateful to be one of them!

We stopped at Office Works on the way home to pick up some supplies.  College starts back next Wednesday night and I wanted to be ready. I have a huge weakness for stationary. I think it comes third behind food and music.  If I had the budget, I think I'd buy one of almost everything in there. It's heavenly!

Then it was home to change out of our sweaty clothes. I settled down to write some of my blog with a steaming hot cup of 'coffee replacement' (dandelion & chicory root), 30g of sunflower seeds and 15g of sugar-free 70% cocoa chocolate with Acai berries.  The chocolate was surprisingly yummy- for dark chocolate. Mostly I'm a milk-chocolate kinda girl.

G made us some yummy pizzas on our new pizza maker. Except for the processed ham, it's definitely a healthy option. I always feel way better after eating one of our pizzas than I ever did after Dominoes or Pizza Hut.

A few episodes of Dexter and then it was definitely time for bed.

Friday Feb 4

Considering the workout yesterday, I wasn't nearly as sore as I expected to be! My arms must finally be making the adjustment to the new Thursday killer routine. I feel great about that! I know that muscle soreness means I've worked really hard, but to work that hard and not feel sore means progress in no uncertain terms! I can feel it in my core muscles though! Feels like I've done a few sit ups too many! But that is bearable!

Still so hot. I have an interview at work today and I couldn't face going in all hot and sweaty on the train. We elected to drive in.  I spent the first few hrs worrying about the interview. The original meeting invite  was for 2-3pm. Due to all of the changes that had happened in our division and due to illness, the interview was pushed up to 11am.

I don't know how I went. 76 applicants for 25 available positions. Steep odds. If I am successful, I know I'll get a lot out of the personal & professional development side of the program. If I'm not successful, I can chalk the interview up to experience. Interview experience is always a good thing to have under my belt. So, I guess either way, it's a win-win.

The number of calls really picked up in the afternoon. It's a good thing I sorted out my banking just after my interview. We only had 4 out of 8 staff on today. Let me assure you, I was happy to shut my computer down come 4.30pm.

A quiet night at home with G awaits! G'night all!

Thursday Feb 3  'My 12yr Anniversary living in Australia'

Today is the 12yr Anniversary of me arriving on the shores of Australia. 12 yrs ago, I didn't think I'd be here for longer than 4yrs (the duration of my Naturopathy course). Now look at me! I understand what people are saying 97% of the time! I know my way around. I understand that an 'r' in the middle of a word is 'silent'! That's not something I can master without thinking about it first and I'm sure that the 'r' s are the things that give me away as a 'foreigner' the most! Some days, I feel like a stranger in a strange land - stuck between 2 shores. I don't quite fit in here and I no longer fit in back home in Canada.

5.20am. Time for me to roll out of bed and head off to group PT. Sunflower seeds and a small nectarine in the car should be enough to see me through this morning's session. Since eating a 'pre-breakfast', I haven't felt sick after training. That's enough of a convincer for me.

I was the only one who turned up for group today! I lucked out! It's nice to have the boys there to egg me on, but it's equally lovely to have J all to myself! The flip side of being the only one there, is that J can focus all of her attention on me. That meant TWICE through the triceps circuit--completely! All of the reps. Yeah, that's right-a total of 40 triceps dips!! Insane! It did mean that I didn't have enough time to make it through the biceps circuit more than once.

I felt great afterwards. There's something about spending an hour in the gym, working hard at +40 degrees that gives me a huge sense of achievement.

Off to work.

After work, it's time to fill up on supplies-particularly yogurt, fruit and a few new additions. Since talking with Jules on Tuesday about trying a detox diet, I've decided to stock up on a few things. So, 2L of soy milk, dandelion & chicory root 'coffee' replacement (caffeine-free), bananas and some cabbage. I'm a little worried about giving up coffee. Caffeine withdrawal will not be pleasant. Surely it can't be too much worse than giving up sugar. Can it?

Home for fresh broiled salmon, The Good Wife and then bed.

Wednesday Feb 2

Feeling a bit stiff in the legs today, but considering it's been over a week since I've had a true workout session I'm amazed that I'm not feeling it more. Apparently, I have built up some fitness over the past few months. That's certainly not to say that I want to make a habit out of not exercising. I'm keen to make this change.

G has already tested out our new treadmill. I decide even though the temperature is still hovering in the mid 30s I need to get my gear on. I settled on the interval training. It seemed the least scary of them all. Each training session lasts for 32 mins. This program starts out at 6kms/hr, then 8kms/hr, then 10kms/hr. I lasted the 2 mins for each of these. But when it shifted between 6km/hr and 10km/hr for the next 24 minutes I knew I couldn't cope. So, instead I slowed it down to 8. Then finally settled on 7.5km/hr. My intervals went 2mins at 6kms/hr then 2 mins at 7.5kms/hr. This lasted for 24mins.

Without J there to cheer me on, I had to rely heavily on my iPod to see me through. Once I found a song that had the perfect beat for 7.5kms/hr, I kept repeating it. I was sweating like a pig by the time the 32 minutes were up. My legs were sore. But I was elated! I'd done it!! 3.5kms on the treadmill in hot weather! That's awesome!!! As I get fitter, I'm sure I'll be able to increase that second interval. Bring it on!!

Luke-warm shower, dinner, TV and bed!


Tuesday Feb 1

Still reeling a bit from yesterday's emotional farewell. I try to push the thought of it out of my head but I'm not very successful. When J asks me how I am, tears well up instantly. It's so hard for me to even talk about it; it's still so raw. I understand how to turn anger into an energy to exercise, but I find grief and sadness very heavy. I just want to curl up in a ball somewhere and sob my heart out.

But that's not what I'm here to do. I'm here to face up to J and tell her that I haven't done any exercise since last Tuesday's session. I was expecting a flogging 'Biggest Loser' style. But J isn't like that. Instead, I knuckled down and gave it everything I could. I concentrated during the warm up to avoid injuring my calf muscle. And I took the extra laps without a groan or a whimper.

Today is 'B' day:  core muscles and, all up, 90 squats. The first set is always the toughest physically. It's like the muscles need a chance to prepare themselves and warm up. The last set is toughest mentally. Exercise is mental and physical. I think my mental muscles tend to give out first. I need to toughen them up!

At the end, J mentions a detox diet. Now, in my studies as a Naturopath, I've come across a few detox diets. I give J a sceptical look. She tells me that this diet has been developed by an English Doctor with an Indian heritage. Apparently his work is sought after by celebrities. People claim to feel amazing on this diet. It lasts for 3 weeks. J says his clients have had excellent weight-loss results. Only 5 weeks to go until my birthday; I could use some excellent weight loss results!!

J tells me that I'd have to forgo alcohol but knows that I almost never drink! Then she hits me with the big guns. "You'd have to give up caffeine."

Caffeine!?? Aw heck! I only just managed to give up SUGAR!! How am I going to live without caffeine for 3 solid weeks?! I think longingly of that first morning coffee and that hot cuppa tea before bed. This is gonna be ugly. Withdrawal city. Poor G.

J laughs at me and tells me that we can do it together.

I shrug and thing, aww why not!? What have I got to lose aside from some toxins and some kilos!

J tells me she'll bring the book to Thursday's group session so I can have a read of it over the weekend.

Monday Jan 31  'Our Last Monday'

Hmmm how does one spend the last Monday we have together before Kindergarten starts? Well, S woke up when G went in to her room to say good-bye. She crawled into bed with me for our morning snuggle. Then it was time for breakfast: Nutella on toast (and I had my usual muesli, yogurt & fruit).

After my shower, we decided it was Mosaic time!! S received a box 3 with Disney Princess Mosaics for her birthday. She settled for Belle and gave me Cinderella. It wasn't too hot outside yet, so we set up our stuff at the out door table and got started. We chatted a little bit about school and what it was like. I told her how much I loved school as a kid- and even as an adult! She wanted to know if her Uncle T liked school as much as me, and told her that I don't think he did--but even he went back to school as a grown up to become a pilot. She seemed satisfied with that!

About 10.30, the courier arrived with our NEW TREADMILL! Whoo hoo!! Unfortunately, the courier was only prepared to take the treadmill up the drive. It was up to me to shift the 90kg box from the backyard into the lounge room. S offered to help but I assured her that she would be safest making cookies & cakes out of playdoh at the kitchen table. It took a lot of wriggling and manouvering, but I finally got it into the lounge room. Crazy!!

Then I joined S at the kitchen table to assist with the playdoh baking! She received the baking centre for her birthday too. It's really neat! You can squeeze playdoh out so that it looks like icing and there are lots of different molds! Too cool!

About 1pm, we decided it was time to gather our things and head over to  Castle Hill. First stop: Lollipop Playland for some serious sliding, climbing, playing and perhaps even a little lunch! Then, it's straight to swimming to watch S at her lesson! It is so hot today. 38 degrees. Too hot for this Canadian!!

There's a super steep green slide that S is keen to try out. After stowing our shoes and my bag, we climbed up to the slide; S settled herself on my lap and we were off!! OMG! Talk about steep and FAST! S LOVED it!!! Again, Mumma Jay?? I think we managed to go down about 7 times while we were there! Heaps of fun!

S had a vegemite & cheese sandwich and a handful of fries. I settled for ham, cheese, & tomato on 'brown' bread (really, it looked more like white bread with wheat freckles!!). Half a sandwich later, I lost interest. I could have eaten the rest of the fries, but stopped myself after 10. Prolly could have tackled a pre-schooler for a Coke, but I had a cappuccino with xylitol instead. It wasn't the same.

Swimming. It was soo splash-tastic to watch S in the pool! She's like a little mermaid! But, boy was it hot and humid sitting there watching her! I was prolly just as wet as she was!! She did flutter kicking (face in and face out) and even dived to the bottom to collect her goggles.

Dropping her home proved to be a very emotional experience. I hung around whilst S and C went through my iPhone to look at the games that I've downloaded for S. C has agreed to download a few too. I played with S's little sister. As 6pm rolled around, I figured it was time for me to be heading home. S clung to me and refused to let me go. C had to pull her off, and even then, she squirmed and wriggled trying to get free of C's grasp. She was crying; I was crying.

I asked her what was wrong, and she looked up at me and said,"when will I see you again, Mumma Jay?'

I tousled her hair and told her that she would see me in 2 weeks just like always. I gave her another hug and left. It broke my heart. I knew it was going to be hard, but this was so painful. I sat in the car and cried for a bit. Then, backed down the driveway and headed for home.

G had managed to haul the treadmill from the lounge room to the back room and had it completely unpacked by the time I walked in at 6.45. The bedroom was strewn with cardboard and plastic bags. G was dripping with sweat. There's no airflow and it gets so hot in our unit. My first act was to turn on the fan. She took one look at my face and gave me a big hug.  Then we busied ourselves connecting leads and bolting the frame together. It has a longer running track than our old one, a wicked digital display, heaps of programs, speakers and a personal fan!

Dinner, TV and bed. G heads for bed sooner than I do. I intend to stay up until my eyes can't bear to remain open any longer. Otherwise, the events of the day will play over and over in my mind.

Sunday Jan 30

S sleeps in until 7.20am & then climbs into bed for a snuggle. G is exhausted, so we leave her to sleep and head out to make breakfast. All of us were pretty tuckered out after yesterday's festivities, so we mostly took it easy.

S and I played her new Disney Princess computer games, played with her new Strawberry Shortcake cafe set, played with the Playdoh cake & bakery set and watched some TV. It was too hot to go to the park or play outside.

We decided to have a bath before dinner to cool down. Then, it was time to settle in to watch Disney's  Mulan. Unfortunately, S was a little hesitant to continue watching Mulan once she decided to take her father's place in the Emperor's Army. I think she was worried that Mulan would come to harm. On top of that, S was very, very tired.  So, we turned off the movie, brushed her teeth, chose a story and assumed our usual 'story time' position. The fan was still in S's room from the night before, so we turned it on. I kissed her, gave her a big hug, and tried very hard not to think that this was one of our last Sunday night 'tuck ins'.

Birthday Girl, shopping dramas & Australia Day

Saturday Jan 29: The 'Birthday BBQ'

Today is the day we celebrate S's 5th Birthday!!

Up at 7.30am and then it's all hands on Deck! G cut up the mushrooms and the onions and packed as much of our picnic gear as she could last night but there are still things to do. We packed as best we could and then ducked out to get petrol, pick up some bags of ice for the cooler (or Eskie as it's known here in Australia), and the most important item of all: S's Barbie Birthday Cake! Mission accomplished!

K met us at home. Good thing. We needed to utilise her car to transport some items to the park. Sophia's Barbie bicycle and the folding table were monopolising a lot of our trunk space (I don't think I'll ever get used to calling it a 'boot')!! Only one last thing to secure: S's Birthday Tree! Fortunately for us, the park was deserted except for a few fitness fans. For a moment, I felt a slight pang of guilt as I watched one of them finish her run and start in on some curl ups. I haven't exercised since my last session with J on Tuesday. At least the new treadmill arrives on Monday (complete with personal fan, automatic incline and stereo speakers!!) I can't wait! I'm hoping to dive into my exercise regime with renewed vigor and dedication.

Picnic blankets: check. Streamers, balloons and a birthday banner tied to the tree: check. Table set up and laid out with goodies: check. In no time at all we had our special Birthday picnic all organised. My plan today, is to be a strict on my diet. That's not to say that I can splash out and be irresponsible. I know how hard it is to take off the weight, so I don't want to do too much to retard my progress. Before our other guests arrived, I ate 1/4 of a bag of cheese and bacon balls. I'm sure I could have eaten more, but it would have been out of habit and not because I really wanted them.

Our guests arrived around noon and S & L ran off to the play equipment: swings, climbing, sliding, etc. The grown ups started to organise the BBQ. I put out the usual BBQ fare: cabanossi, cheese cubes and Jatz (98% fat-free). I'd guess that I prolly ate 1 stick of cabanossi, 10 Jatz crackers and 10 pieces of cheese, all up. Not too bad.

Lunch was ready in no time: steak, lamp chops, rissoles, sausages, mushrooms and onions on the BBQ. Pasta salad, potato salad and all of the condiments lined the table. That was when the wind decided to part-take. Between managing paper plates and trying to keep things from blowing off the table, actually loading up our plates was a bit tricky!

Then it was time for sliced fruit: strawberries, grapes and rock melon. I think most people were hanging out for the birthday cake. I'm not much of a fan of birthday cake, so it was easy for me to pass that up. I settled for sliced strawberries instead.

L & S decided it was time to take their bikes out for an adventure. Helmets on. And we were off!! There's a nice wide sidewalk that forms a giant square around a portion of the park. It's perfect for young folks learning how to ride. L hopped on his Ben 10 bike and S hopped on her Barbie bike and 2 of us took them around the track. Very impressed with their skills.

Time to pack up the picnic and head home for a few games of Wii Just Dance 2! The competitive mood was palpable!! After heaps of hysterical fun, a few bruised egos and a lot of crazy antics, we decided it might be a good time to settle the kids down with a movie.

By 9.15, our guests were gone, S was tucked into bed and the clean up was underway. After relaxing in front of the TV until 11.30pm it was definitely time for be. I ended up with a decent sunburn on my triceps. Not impressed. I know better than to be out without sun block. Don't know what I was thinking today, but I'm sure paying for the oversight. Prescription: lots of water, lots of aloe vera & covering up if I need to venture out tomorrow!

Friday Jan 28

Hectic day at work today. With so many calls coming in, I'm unable to get much of my own work done. It feels like I'll never catch up. 

I finally hear back from our HR department regarding my Emerging Leader application. I've progressed to the next stage and they've asked me to prepare for an interview on Tuesday! I'm excited and apprehensive.

Late in the day I get a msg from C advising me of a change in plans. S's little brother is unwell and she needs to take him to the doctor. Rather than risk being late meeting me at the usual place, she asks if I can drive to her home to pick S up. It's no problem. Traffic isn't as bad as I expected and I arrive in good time. 

S is extremely happy to see me! She runs out of the house and into my arms!! 5. I can't believe she's 5! I tell her how grown up she looks. It's so nice to be holding her close! We're back home by 7.15. A big hug for G. 

We get dinner organised and as we're watching TV, we decide to give her a couple of her birthday presents tonight. She's over the moon with her Shnook!! It's something she really wanted at Christmas. I'm pleased we could find one! She's also pretty chuffed with the lip smacker and Disney Princess games that our cat Lestat picked up for her. All in all, she's a happy little vegemite when we tuck her up in bed. 

Big day tomorrow.

Thursday Jan 27

My alarm goes off at 5.20am. I don't press snooze. There is no way I have the energy to make it to my group PT session. And, facing work is so over-whelming. I get up when G's alarm goes off so I can msg J and call in sick to work. I'm so disappointed that I'm missing this training session. I look forward to these workouts- which, let's face it, is a little bit weird! Who would have thought that I would ever utter those words?

I sleep until 10am, stagger out of bed, get dressed and head off to order S's cake- one of the many chores that kept me up last night. I didn't want her to miss out on having the cake that she wanted. Once that's done, I feel lighter. One less thing to worry about for Saturday. Post office to pick up my aerobic step. Shop to pick up a couple of items. Home to rest. Breakfast. A bit of reading and back to bed.

I meet G after work at the shops to pick up our groceries for Saturday's pic-a-nic, as Yogi Bear would say. I'm still so tired and worn out. Dinner- which is still making me feel yucky. TV and bed.

Wednesday Jan 26  'Happy Australia Day'

Sleep in. It's hard to sleep at night these days due to the heat and humidity. At breakfast, we can hear the cicadas. It doesn't bode well for the temperature for the rest of the day. I know this Canadian isn't going to cope well with the heat!

Off to Roselands to pick up a wireless modem. I'm over my current provider. After heaps of phone calls and misinformation, it's time to find someone new. I'm loath to swap to Telstra, but I don't want a contract and I'm keen for some decent coverage. Dancing around the lounge room holding my laptop in the air in search of a 3G signal is wearing thin.

Turns out Telstra hasn't updated their 'shop locator' on the website and the store closed down at Roselands almost a year ago. Not impressed. Lunch at the food court: a burger on whole-wheat bun. And off to the next mall. We have more luck there. Modem in hand, we stop for coffee, but I find I can only drink about 1/2 before my stomach sends me the signal to stop. Sigh... Wish I knew what was happening with my gut. A quick stop at Kmart and time to head home.

I figure it's best to download the Princess computer games so that when S opens them on Saturday we can jump straight into playing them instead of waiting for them to install. Since I only use the PC side of my Mac for games, I haven't allocated much disc space. So, I need to find some way of re-organising things so that I can get the games downloaded. 

I decide to take a break and try installing the wireless broadband. Bad move. 90 minutes later I'm hot and furious! No one told me at the shop that it would take 24 hrs to set up an account and access the internet. What is happening this week!! From one bad customer service experience to another! I'm livid. The heat doesn't help.

I attempt to go to bed. No matter what I try, sleep eludes me. And to top it off, the longer I lie there, the sicker I feel. I'm so tired. Yet my mind is racing. This is my last 3 day weekend with S and I'm not coping.  Grief and panic simmer just below the surface. It's 4am by the time I finally close my eyes and find solace in sleep.

Tuesday Jan 25: S's Birthday

Coffee at the cafe. Time to ring S to wish her HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! The phone rings out. I sigh and pop my iPhone back in my bag. I know C has lousy mobile reception. Perhaps she'll ring me back. I kiss G and wish her a good day. By the time I reach my desk, my mobile is ringing. It's S!! I'm so excited to talk to her. I wish her Happy Birthday and ask her how her trip to Brisbane was. She told me all about it and then asked to speak to G. I told her G was on her way to work but that we had tried to ring so we could sing to her. 

S asked if I could sing anyways, and so I launched in to Happy Birthday, solo!  I love her so much! I can't believe I have to wait until Friday to give her a big hug and wish her happy birthday in person. It's the first birthday that I'm not celebrating with her. I'm at work, so I don't allow myself to give in to the tears that are lurking so close to the surface.

The day passes quickly and it's not long before I have to pack up my stuff and get ready for some quality time with J. My stomach is not feeling the best and I'm hoping it doesn't slow me down too dramatically. I offer my workmate a lift home and drop her off on my way.

It's 'progress photo & measurement' day. I've got my 'photo' clothes with me. So I change into them, J snaps some pics and then it's off to change into my work out gear. Measurement time! And, for once, I'm impressed! This is making a difference after all. It's even starting to show a bit on the scales. I'm liking it!

I told J that my stomach hadn't been the best since Saturday but that I would do my best. Warm up: the ski jumps weren't ideal for my guts. Off for the run: 8 times back and forth mural to mirror. On the last turn I felt a twinge in my left calf. Next thing I knew I was hobbling to the mirror. J asked if I was ok. I told her I wasn't. I tried to stretch it out on the step. Agony. I tried to do a star jump but one attempt was enough. J asked me if I wanted to continue. I opted out of the star jumps but was determined to give the circuits a go. J suggested I try the squats and hold for just 5 secs. I nearly fell over! I smiled up at her and told her that I'd psyched myself up for this and I wanted to go for 10 seconds as planned!

Squat and hold for 10 secs. The first set is always so much harder than the next 2. And, the further I got into the sets and the more I engaged my core muscles, the worse my stomach felt. Not ideal. Between sets I walked briskly across the Centre and back. Running was out of the question.

My arms are burning by the time we finish. My shoulders are aching. And my calf is agony. I try to make light of it because I feel like such a moron for injuring it during the warm up. Perhaps if I'd pulled a muscle doing something dramatic and interesting I'd feel better.

G is waiting for me in the car. I'm glad she's driving. An hour later when I go to step out of the car, it's not pretty. G offers to massage it later. I settle on the lounge and put some ice on my calf. Ice on. Ice off. A massage with Deep Heat. Dinner and then bed.

Monday Jan 24

Struggling today. The more I think about S starting school and not being able to spend Mondays with her, the sadder I become. I'm hoping today's session with V will help me clear my head.

Work is work. The only high light of my day is lunch when I get to read my Millennium books at lunch. The food itself is less appealing. Since Saturday, whenever I eat, I end up feeling queasy and unsettled in my stomach. It's uncomfortable and I find myself eating because I have to, and not because I want to. 

It's a tough one. They often are when it comes to dealing with my feelings- particularly in relation to S.  I end up in tears as much as I try to fight against them. It does help to share how I'm feeling. 

This worry and sadness is certainly zapping my motivation. I have no desire to run on the treadmill by the time I get home. It's not looking good. Aside from my walk on the weekend, I haven't done any other exercise.  Hopefully I can shake this off.

Sunday Jan 23

Another lovely sleep in. My body is much happier waking up at 9 than at 5.50am! Breakfast, shower, dressed and it's off to take care of the chores I didn't do yesterday. S has her heart set on a Rapunzel wig from the new Disney movie Tangled. We spotted it at Wal-Mart when we were in Canada back in September. Rather than pack it and risk it getting all messed up in our suitcases, I foolishly believed I'd be able to purchase it in Australia. 

The movie poster we received on opening night hi-lighted Target as the store to buy our movie merchandise- including the hair. 2 Targets and a phone call later, no joy. Target tells me they don't carry any of the Tangled merchandise. I lost the plot a little when the manager of one store told me they didn't stock it! I told him that I bought the horse Maximus, Flynn Rider & Rapunzel from his store at Christmas and, that even as we spoke, the horse was sitting in a box on his toy shelf. He continued to give me a vacant stare and insist that Target doesn't carry that line of toys. Unbelievable!!

Even a trip to Toys R Us in Parramatta did not yield much better results. At least they carried the tower and the lantern. We settled on the lantern. I knew it would not be a 'hair replacement', but I decide it's the best I could do for now. Things seemed ok until I got to the register, then it went pear-shaped in a hurry!! NOT ideal!

Sigh, shopping in Australia shouldn't be so hard! Sometimes I really miss Canada.

I headed straight for the computer when I got home. It was time for some 'Heroes of Might & Magic' to calm my nerves. Worked like a charm!

Saturday Jan 22

Much needed sleep in.

G has some stuff to take care of online and I have a package to pick up from the post office. I wonder which one it is. I've spent a bit of time on the internet surfing Deals Direct and I settled on an aerobic step and a powered USB hub. It's a gorgeous day.

I power up my new workout app on my iPhone, grab my headphones and set out on foot! Might as well get in some exercise and enjoy the weather at the same time. It's the USB hub. Nice one! Package in hand, I wandered down to the 'Out of Print' bookshop to see if I could find a book for G. Scored!! Very pleased with my purchase!

By the time I get back home, I'm not feeling that well. My stomach and guts seem to be unhappy with me. So much so, that I just don't feel like doing much. I finally muster up enough energy to head out to the grocery store to replenish our stock. 

Broiled salmon for dinner. TV, tea & then bed.

Friday Jan 21

Not much to report, aside from being sore all over. My shoulder muscles are so stiff that I'm unable to do my bra up behind my back. I really am Lactic Acid Girl.

Relatively quiet day at work. Off to take care of some business in North Sydney. Just as that was finishing up, I got the call about the delivery of our treadmill. It could arrive as soon as Monday!! But someone needs to be home to help the courier. Instead, I organise it for Monday Jan 31. It's hard to wait, but I know it will be worth it.

Home to relax.

Thursday Jan 22

Crawl out of bed wondering how I'll fare today at Group. My muscles are still so sore- especially my quads. Ah well. I'm sure I'll be fine. Breakfast on the go: banana and nectarine. It's about all I can stomach this early in the morning.

There's a new face in the Centre! A & I shake hands with B and welcome him into the group. Still no sign of K, but maybe she's only coming on Mondays. B is very fit and J's New Year circuits do not seem to slow him down at all. I make it through the triceps circuit-including 20 triceps dips without too much trouble. Time runs out before I can get all the way through for the second time. I got as far as the chest press. Only the squats and some running to complete it for the second time. I'm impressed!

One minute break, then on to the biceps side. Tricky! My arms are aching! Once through wasn't too bad, but by the time I got to the hamstring curls for the 2nd time through, the bell rang. Just pushups, star jumps and squats to go. Getting better every time.

Staggered down the stairs...and the muscle soreness did not improve from there. Even the hot shower at work was not enough to take the edge off. Lucky I'm just an office worker. Still, typing and working the mouse was tricky enough.

Bit the bullet and put in a 'Best Offer' on a new treadmill on EBay. I've been 'watching' this one for about a week and I think it's going to be the best one for us. It will fit nicely in the space occupied by our current treadmill and it's got some awesome features: auto incline, personal fan (loving this!!), speakers and a plug in for my iPod. Too cool!

About 7pm, I rec'd the news that my bid was accepted!! Wooo hoo!! Very Excited!!

Now for a relax and some TV.

Quaking Quads

Wednesday Jan 19

Geez...I was convinced that a long soak in the tub would be enough to make this morning bearable! Oh how wrong was I?! As I lay there wishing I could 'beam' myself out of bed and into the shower, I did some calculations: 3 sets of 15 medicine ball 'dead lifts' and 3 sets of 15 sumo squats gives me a grand total of 90 squats!!! No wonder my quads are killing me!

Of course, today is a train day. I hobbled up the stairs at the station, grimacing, but determined not to catch the lift. It wouldn't be so bad if it was just my quads that were hurting. My right knee is extremely sore too. I don't understand. I mean, I figured all the squats that I've been doing over the past few months would be strengthening my knee in some way. Just gotta hang in there, though. I'm sure it's making a difference.

Walking is a bit uncomfortable, but not as much as the process of sitting or standing. Now that is unpleasant!! G was teasing me on the train and telling me that I should have more compassion for her when she can't keep up with me. 

I smiled and jokingly said, 'Hey, if you can't keep up with the fat girl...." and shrugged.

She turned to me and replied, "Hmmm...you've got to stop referring to yourself that way."

I thought for a second and shot back, "Just call me Lactic Acid Girl!!" 

Both of us laughed. I wish I could fly...cuz man, walking is not ideal!!

Work was uneventful. My legs weren't feeling any better by the time I got home, so I decided to give the treadmill a miss. I know that all of me will get a full on workout during tomorrow's group PT session.

Dinner. The first of Oprah's Australian episodes. The new season of Fringe and then it's definitely bed.

Tuesday Jan 18

I woke up feeling very emotional. I'm grateful that we have training scheduled today at work because I'm not sure that I could manage speaking to customers. Our training is about stress management and how to handle, identify and manage stress-specifically in the workplace, but I'm sure many of the skills will be transferrable to our personal lives.

When it came time for lunch, I was nervous and excited. The sandwiches looked divine...but they were all made using *gulp* white bread! One of my favourite things. And, one of the things that mustn't appear in my food diary. Ohhh...what to do!!

They were cut into triangles and after much deliberation, I choose 2 tuna and 2 egg sandwiches. As the first bite touched my tongue, I closed my eyes. 

One of my work friends caught me in the act and quipped, "Don't speak, she's savouring her first white bread in months!!'

Everybody laughed!!

At first, I thoroughly enjoyed the taste. As I ate the 3rd triangle, the thought of finishing the last one became less and less appealing. My stomach was not happy with me. I'm sure it wasn't just the bread. I hadn't had butter in months either.  Add mayo to that equation, and it was no wonder I was feeling a bit queasy.

The fruit platter was spectacular! Yummo. I filled up on kiwi, apple slices and strawberries. Knowing I was only hours away from a training session made it easier to turn down afternoon tea: caramel slice, florentines, pastries, brownies and other delights.

Worried that I would be late for my session with J, I left the training as quickly as I could. Turns out I was only a couple of minutes late. A quick chat about my food diary, my knee and my left ankle and then we were straight into it.

The 'new' warmup: 30 seconds of ski jumps, 8 'laps' of the centre and then 30 seconds of star jumps. I'm puffing and sweaty. Stretches and then onto the core: curls ups on the Swiss ball to target my obliques, rolling on the ball and stretching forward without allowing my back to dip. Then it's game on!

15 medicine ball dead lifts, 15 jacknifes, 15 sumo squats and then running the length of the Centre and back. Repeat 3 times. Short break. 2 sets of 15 leg lifts, 2 sets of cobra stretches. Warm down stretches. And done for the day.

My legs are a bit wobbly on the way down the stairs and I have to hold on to the railing to keep my balance. I reckon I'll be sore tomorrow. Hopefully a bath with Raddox will take the edge off.

Bath. Book. Dinner and bed.

Monday Jan 17

Little Miss woke up early when G went in to give her a kiss good-bye. She climbed into bed with me for a cuddle. I love her so much. She's not one to lay around in bed, so it was up and into the kitchen to get breakfast ready. Fresh fruit and toast for S and my usual yogurt and muesli. 

We played in her room for a bit but she still felt like something was missing. When I asked her what she really wanted to do, she told me she wanted to do some painting. We have the paint; we just didn't have anything to paint. Time to shrug off our PJ's and head out to the shops to see what we could find.

We ended up with some canvasses and, after a quick wander through K-Mart, we picked up a sticker mosaic jewellery box. I wasn't convinced that S would enjoy doing the mosaic. WOW! Was I wrong! From 11.30am until 2.30pm, with only a 15 minute break for lunch, S dedicated herself to applying every last mosaic sticker! It was amazing!! I was so proud of her. It looked fantastic! We didn't have any other distractions: no TV, no music, just her and me and 800+ stickers! 

I love spending time with S. As Kindergarten approaches-it's now only 2 weeks away- I feel an over-whelming bittersweet sadness. I am going to miss our Monday's together. My baby girl is growing up.

I gave her a big hug and told her that I was so happy that she loved spending time with me. In a teasing voice, I told her one day when she was a teenager, she would think that hanging out with me wasn't cool. Much to my surprise, she burst into tears. I hugged her tight and asked her what was wrong.

In a trembling voice, she said, "You hurt my feelings, Mumma Jay."

I cuddled her close, apologised and tried to explain that I hadn't meant to upset her. When she had collected herself, I went to get the laundry out of the dryer. She followed me outside and said, "You have to promise that you will never say something like that to kid who is just about 5. I love you very much."

And it was then that I realised that in her mind, it was inconceivable to even imagine a world or a time where she would not want to spend time with me. That moment was very humbling. At not-quite-5yrs old, she is such a wise soul and she teaches me so much.

I hugged her tight when it came time to say good bye. She grabbed my hand, held it close to her cheek and for a few minutes, refused to let me go. When she finally lifted her head, there was one solitary tear on her face. It breaks my heart each time I drop her off.

Feeling sad, I made my way home, waited until G finished her workout and took my turn on the treadmill. Symbolism. I walk and walk. And, yet, when I look up, I have made no discernible progress.