Birthday Girl, shopping dramas & Australia Day

Saturday Jan 29: The 'Birthday BBQ'

Today is the day we celebrate S's 5th Birthday!!

Up at 7.30am and then it's all hands on Deck! G cut up the mushrooms and the onions and packed as much of our picnic gear as she could last night but there are still things to do. We packed as best we could and then ducked out to get petrol, pick up some bags of ice for the cooler (or Eskie as it's known here in Australia), and the most important item of all: S's Barbie Birthday Cake! Mission accomplished!

K met us at home. Good thing. We needed to utilise her car to transport some items to the park. Sophia's Barbie bicycle and the folding table were monopolising a lot of our trunk space (I don't think I'll ever get used to calling it a 'boot')!! Only one last thing to secure: S's Birthday Tree! Fortunately for us, the park was deserted except for a few fitness fans. For a moment, I felt a slight pang of guilt as I watched one of them finish her run and start in on some curl ups. I haven't exercised since my last session with J on Tuesday. At least the new treadmill arrives on Monday (complete with personal fan, automatic incline and stereo speakers!!) I can't wait! I'm hoping to dive into my exercise regime with renewed vigor and dedication.

Picnic blankets: check. Streamers, balloons and a birthday banner tied to the tree: check. Table set up and laid out with goodies: check. In no time at all we had our special Birthday picnic all organised. My plan today, is to be a strict on my diet. That's not to say that I can splash out and be irresponsible. I know how hard it is to take off the weight, so I don't want to do too much to retard my progress. Before our other guests arrived, I ate 1/4 of a bag of cheese and bacon balls. I'm sure I could have eaten more, but it would have been out of habit and not because I really wanted them.

Our guests arrived around noon and S & L ran off to the play equipment: swings, climbing, sliding, etc. The grown ups started to organise the BBQ. I put out the usual BBQ fare: cabanossi, cheese cubes and Jatz (98% fat-free). I'd guess that I prolly ate 1 stick of cabanossi, 10 Jatz crackers and 10 pieces of cheese, all up. Not too bad.

Lunch was ready in no time: steak, lamp chops, rissoles, sausages, mushrooms and onions on the BBQ. Pasta salad, potato salad and all of the condiments lined the table. That was when the wind decided to part-take. Between managing paper plates and trying to keep things from blowing off the table, actually loading up our plates was a bit tricky!

Then it was time for sliced fruit: strawberries, grapes and rock melon. I think most people were hanging out for the birthday cake. I'm not much of a fan of birthday cake, so it was easy for me to pass that up. I settled for sliced strawberries instead.

L & S decided it was time to take their bikes out for an adventure. Helmets on. And we were off!! There's a nice wide sidewalk that forms a giant square around a portion of the park. It's perfect for young folks learning how to ride. L hopped on his Ben 10 bike and S hopped on her Barbie bike and 2 of us took them around the track. Very impressed with their skills.

Time to pack up the picnic and head home for a few games of Wii Just Dance 2! The competitive mood was palpable!! After heaps of hysterical fun, a few bruised egos and a lot of crazy antics, we decided it might be a good time to settle the kids down with a movie.

By 9.15, our guests were gone, S was tucked into bed and the clean up was underway. After relaxing in front of the TV until 11.30pm it was definitely time for be. I ended up with a decent sunburn on my triceps. Not impressed. I know better than to be out without sun block. Don't know what I was thinking today, but I'm sure paying for the oversight. Prescription: lots of water, lots of aloe vera & covering up if I need to venture out tomorrow!

Friday Jan 28

Hectic day at work today. With so many calls coming in, I'm unable to get much of my own work done. It feels like I'll never catch up. 

I finally hear back from our HR department regarding my Emerging Leader application. I've progressed to the next stage and they've asked me to prepare for an interview on Tuesday! I'm excited and apprehensive.

Late in the day I get a msg from C advising me of a change in plans. S's little brother is unwell and she needs to take him to the doctor. Rather than risk being late meeting me at the usual place, she asks if I can drive to her home to pick S up. It's no problem. Traffic isn't as bad as I expected and I arrive in good time. 

S is extremely happy to see me! She runs out of the house and into my arms!! 5. I can't believe she's 5! I tell her how grown up she looks. It's so nice to be holding her close! We're back home by 7.15. A big hug for G. 

We get dinner organised and as we're watching TV, we decide to give her a couple of her birthday presents tonight. She's over the moon with her Shnook!! It's something she really wanted at Christmas. I'm pleased we could find one! She's also pretty chuffed with the lip smacker and Disney Princess games that our cat Lestat picked up for her. All in all, she's a happy little vegemite when we tuck her up in bed. 

Big day tomorrow.

Thursday Jan 27

My alarm goes off at 5.20am. I don't press snooze. There is no way I have the energy to make it to my group PT session. And, facing work is so over-whelming. I get up when G's alarm goes off so I can msg J and call in sick to work. I'm so disappointed that I'm missing this training session. I look forward to these workouts- which, let's face it, is a little bit weird! Who would have thought that I would ever utter those words?

I sleep until 10am, stagger out of bed, get dressed and head off to order S's cake- one of the many chores that kept me up last night. I didn't want her to miss out on having the cake that she wanted. Once that's done, I feel lighter. One less thing to worry about for Saturday. Post office to pick up my aerobic step. Shop to pick up a couple of items. Home to rest. Breakfast. A bit of reading and back to bed.

I meet G after work at the shops to pick up our groceries for Saturday's pic-a-nic, as Yogi Bear would say. I'm still so tired and worn out. Dinner- which is still making me feel yucky. TV and bed.

Wednesday Jan 26  'Happy Australia Day'

Sleep in. It's hard to sleep at night these days due to the heat and humidity. At breakfast, we can hear the cicadas. It doesn't bode well for the temperature for the rest of the day. I know this Canadian isn't going to cope well with the heat!

Off to Roselands to pick up a wireless modem. I'm over my current provider. After heaps of phone calls and misinformation, it's time to find someone new. I'm loath to swap to Telstra, but I don't want a contract and I'm keen for some decent coverage. Dancing around the lounge room holding my laptop in the air in search of a 3G signal is wearing thin.

Turns out Telstra hasn't updated their 'shop locator' on the website and the store closed down at Roselands almost a year ago. Not impressed. Lunch at the food court: a burger on whole-wheat bun. And off to the next mall. We have more luck there. Modem in hand, we stop for coffee, but I find I can only drink about 1/2 before my stomach sends me the signal to stop. Sigh... Wish I knew what was happening with my gut. A quick stop at Kmart and time to head home.

I figure it's best to download the Princess computer games so that when S opens them on Saturday we can jump straight into playing them instead of waiting for them to install. Since I only use the PC side of my Mac for games, I haven't allocated much disc space. So, I need to find some way of re-organising things so that I can get the games downloaded. 

I decide to take a break and try installing the wireless broadband. Bad move. 90 minutes later I'm hot and furious! No one told me at the shop that it would take 24 hrs to set up an account and access the internet. What is happening this week!! From one bad customer service experience to another! I'm livid. The heat doesn't help.

I attempt to go to bed. No matter what I try, sleep eludes me. And to top it off, the longer I lie there, the sicker I feel. I'm so tired. Yet my mind is racing. This is my last 3 day weekend with S and I'm not coping.  Grief and panic simmer just below the surface. It's 4am by the time I finally close my eyes and find solace in sleep.

Tuesday Jan 25: S's Birthday

Coffee at the cafe. Time to ring S to wish her HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! The phone rings out. I sigh and pop my iPhone back in my bag. I know C has lousy mobile reception. Perhaps she'll ring me back. I kiss G and wish her a good day. By the time I reach my desk, my mobile is ringing. It's S!! I'm so excited to talk to her. I wish her Happy Birthday and ask her how her trip to Brisbane was. She told me all about it and then asked to speak to G. I told her G was on her way to work but that we had tried to ring so we could sing to her. 

S asked if I could sing anyways, and so I launched in to Happy Birthday, solo!  I love her so much! I can't believe I have to wait until Friday to give her a big hug and wish her happy birthday in person. It's the first birthday that I'm not celebrating with her. I'm at work, so I don't allow myself to give in to the tears that are lurking so close to the surface.

The day passes quickly and it's not long before I have to pack up my stuff and get ready for some quality time with J. My stomach is not feeling the best and I'm hoping it doesn't slow me down too dramatically. I offer my workmate a lift home and drop her off on my way.

It's 'progress photo & measurement' day. I've got my 'photo' clothes with me. So I change into them, J snaps some pics and then it's off to change into my work out gear. Measurement time! And, for once, I'm impressed! This is making a difference after all. It's even starting to show a bit on the scales. I'm liking it!

I told J that my stomach hadn't been the best since Saturday but that I would do my best. Warm up: the ski jumps weren't ideal for my guts. Off for the run: 8 times back and forth mural to mirror. On the last turn I felt a twinge in my left calf. Next thing I knew I was hobbling to the mirror. J asked if I was ok. I told her I wasn't. I tried to stretch it out on the step. Agony. I tried to do a star jump but one attempt was enough. J asked me if I wanted to continue. I opted out of the star jumps but was determined to give the circuits a go. J suggested I try the squats and hold for just 5 secs. I nearly fell over! I smiled up at her and told her that I'd psyched myself up for this and I wanted to go for 10 seconds as planned!

Squat and hold for 10 secs. The first set is always so much harder than the next 2. And, the further I got into the sets and the more I engaged my core muscles, the worse my stomach felt. Not ideal. Between sets I walked briskly across the Centre and back. Running was out of the question.

My arms are burning by the time we finish. My shoulders are aching. And my calf is agony. I try to make light of it because I feel like such a moron for injuring it during the warm up. Perhaps if I'd pulled a muscle doing something dramatic and interesting I'd feel better.

G is waiting for me in the car. I'm glad she's driving. An hour later when I go to step out of the car, it's not pretty. G offers to massage it later. I settle on the lounge and put some ice on my calf. Ice on. Ice off. A massage with Deep Heat. Dinner and then bed.

Monday Jan 24

Struggling today. The more I think about S starting school and not being able to spend Mondays with her, the sadder I become. I'm hoping today's session with V will help me clear my head.

Work is work. The only high light of my day is lunch when I get to read my Millennium books at lunch. The food itself is less appealing. Since Saturday, whenever I eat, I end up feeling queasy and unsettled in my stomach. It's uncomfortable and I find myself eating because I have to, and not because I want to. 

It's a tough one. They often are when it comes to dealing with my feelings- particularly in relation to S.  I end up in tears as much as I try to fight against them. It does help to share how I'm feeling. 

This worry and sadness is certainly zapping my motivation. I have no desire to run on the treadmill by the time I get home. It's not looking good. Aside from my walk on the weekend, I haven't done any other exercise.  Hopefully I can shake this off.

Sunday Jan 23

Another lovely sleep in. My body is much happier waking up at 9 than at 5.50am! Breakfast, shower, dressed and it's off to take care of the chores I didn't do yesterday. S has her heart set on a Rapunzel wig from the new Disney movie Tangled. We spotted it at Wal-Mart when we were in Canada back in September. Rather than pack it and risk it getting all messed up in our suitcases, I foolishly believed I'd be able to purchase it in Australia. 

The movie poster we received on opening night hi-lighted Target as the store to buy our movie merchandise- including the hair. 2 Targets and a phone call later, no joy. Target tells me they don't carry any of the Tangled merchandise. I lost the plot a little when the manager of one store told me they didn't stock it! I told him that I bought the horse Maximus, Flynn Rider & Rapunzel from his store at Christmas and, that even as we spoke, the horse was sitting in a box on his toy shelf. He continued to give me a vacant stare and insist that Target doesn't carry that line of toys. Unbelievable!!

Even a trip to Toys R Us in Parramatta did not yield much better results. At least they carried the tower and the lantern. We settled on the lantern. I knew it would not be a 'hair replacement', but I decide it's the best I could do for now. Things seemed ok until I got to the register, then it went pear-shaped in a hurry!! NOT ideal!

Sigh, shopping in Australia shouldn't be so hard! Sometimes I really miss Canada.

I headed straight for the computer when I got home. It was time for some 'Heroes of Might & Magic' to calm my nerves. Worked like a charm!

Saturday Jan 22

Much needed sleep in.

G has some stuff to take care of online and I have a package to pick up from the post office. I wonder which one it is. I've spent a bit of time on the internet surfing Deals Direct and I settled on an aerobic step and a powered USB hub. It's a gorgeous day.

I power up my new workout app on my iPhone, grab my headphones and set out on foot! Might as well get in some exercise and enjoy the weather at the same time. It's the USB hub. Nice one! Package in hand, I wandered down to the 'Out of Print' bookshop to see if I could find a book for G. Scored!! Very pleased with my purchase!

By the time I get back home, I'm not feeling that well. My stomach and guts seem to be unhappy with me. So much so, that I just don't feel like doing much. I finally muster up enough energy to head out to the grocery store to replenish our stock. 

Broiled salmon for dinner. TV, tea & then bed.

Friday Jan 21

Not much to report, aside from being sore all over. My shoulder muscles are so stiff that I'm unable to do my bra up behind my back. I really am Lactic Acid Girl.

Relatively quiet day at work. Off to take care of some business in North Sydney. Just as that was finishing up, I got the call about the delivery of our treadmill. It could arrive as soon as Monday!! But someone needs to be home to help the courier. Instead, I organise it for Monday Jan 31. It's hard to wait, but I know it will be worth it.

Home to relax.

Thursday Jan 22

Crawl out of bed wondering how I'll fare today at Group. My muscles are still so sore- especially my quads. Ah well. I'm sure I'll be fine. Breakfast on the go: banana and nectarine. It's about all I can stomach this early in the morning.

There's a new face in the Centre! A & I shake hands with B and welcome him into the group. Still no sign of K, but maybe she's only coming on Mondays. B is very fit and J's New Year circuits do not seem to slow him down at all. I make it through the triceps circuit-including 20 triceps dips without too much trouble. Time runs out before I can get all the way through for the second time. I got as far as the chest press. Only the squats and some running to complete it for the second time. I'm impressed!

One minute break, then on to the biceps side. Tricky! My arms are aching! Once through wasn't too bad, but by the time I got to the hamstring curls for the 2nd time through, the bell rang. Just pushups, star jumps and squats to go. Getting better every time.

Staggered down the stairs...and the muscle soreness did not improve from there. Even the hot shower at work was not enough to take the edge off. Lucky I'm just an office worker. Still, typing and working the mouse was tricky enough.

Bit the bullet and put in a 'Best Offer' on a new treadmill on EBay. I've been 'watching' this one for about a week and I think it's going to be the best one for us. It will fit nicely in the space occupied by our current treadmill and it's got some awesome features: auto incline, personal fan (loving this!!), speakers and a plug in for my iPod. Too cool!

About 7pm, I rec'd the news that my bid was accepted!! Wooo hoo!! Very Excited!!

Now for a relax and some TV.

Quaking Quads

Wednesday Jan 19

Geez...I was convinced that a long soak in the tub would be enough to make this morning bearable! Oh how wrong was I?! As I lay there wishing I could 'beam' myself out of bed and into the shower, I did some calculations: 3 sets of 15 medicine ball 'dead lifts' and 3 sets of 15 sumo squats gives me a grand total of 90 squats!!! No wonder my quads are killing me!

Of course, today is a train day. I hobbled up the stairs at the station, grimacing, but determined not to catch the lift. It wouldn't be so bad if it was just my quads that were hurting. My right knee is extremely sore too. I don't understand. I mean, I figured all the squats that I've been doing over the past few months would be strengthening my knee in some way. Just gotta hang in there, though. I'm sure it's making a difference.

Walking is a bit uncomfortable, but not as much as the process of sitting or standing. Now that is unpleasant!! G was teasing me on the train and telling me that I should have more compassion for her when she can't keep up with me. 

I smiled and jokingly said, 'Hey, if you can't keep up with the fat girl...." and shrugged.

She turned to me and replied, "Hmmm...you've got to stop referring to yourself that way."

I thought for a second and shot back, "Just call me Lactic Acid Girl!!" 

Both of us laughed. I wish I could fly...cuz man, walking is not ideal!!

Work was uneventful. My legs weren't feeling any better by the time I got home, so I decided to give the treadmill a miss. I know that all of me will get a full on workout during tomorrow's group PT session.

Dinner. The first of Oprah's Australian episodes. The new season of Fringe and then it's definitely bed.

Tuesday Jan 18

I woke up feeling very emotional. I'm grateful that we have training scheduled today at work because I'm not sure that I could manage speaking to customers. Our training is about stress management and how to handle, identify and manage stress-specifically in the workplace, but I'm sure many of the skills will be transferrable to our personal lives.

When it came time for lunch, I was nervous and excited. The sandwiches looked divine...but they were all made using *gulp* white bread! One of my favourite things. And, one of the things that mustn't appear in my food diary. Ohhh...what to do!!

They were cut into triangles and after much deliberation, I choose 2 tuna and 2 egg sandwiches. As the first bite touched my tongue, I closed my eyes. 

One of my work friends caught me in the act and quipped, "Don't speak, she's savouring her first white bread in months!!'

Everybody laughed!!

At first, I thoroughly enjoyed the taste. As I ate the 3rd triangle, the thought of finishing the last one became less and less appealing. My stomach was not happy with me. I'm sure it wasn't just the bread. I hadn't had butter in months either.  Add mayo to that equation, and it was no wonder I was feeling a bit queasy.

The fruit platter was spectacular! Yummo. I filled up on kiwi, apple slices and strawberries. Knowing I was only hours away from a training session made it easier to turn down afternoon tea: caramel slice, florentines, pastries, brownies and other delights.

Worried that I would be late for my session with J, I left the training as quickly as I could. Turns out I was only a couple of minutes late. A quick chat about my food diary, my knee and my left ankle and then we were straight into it.

The 'new' warmup: 30 seconds of ski jumps, 8 'laps' of the centre and then 30 seconds of star jumps. I'm puffing and sweaty. Stretches and then onto the core: curls ups on the Swiss ball to target my obliques, rolling on the ball and stretching forward without allowing my back to dip. Then it's game on!

15 medicine ball dead lifts, 15 jacknifes, 15 sumo squats and then running the length of the Centre and back. Repeat 3 times. Short break. 2 sets of 15 leg lifts, 2 sets of cobra stretches. Warm down stretches. And done for the day.

My legs are a bit wobbly on the way down the stairs and I have to hold on to the railing to keep my balance. I reckon I'll be sore tomorrow. Hopefully a bath with Raddox will take the edge off.

Bath. Book. Dinner and bed.

Monday Jan 17

Little Miss woke up early when G went in to give her a kiss good-bye. She climbed into bed with me for a cuddle. I love her so much. She's not one to lay around in bed, so it was up and into the kitchen to get breakfast ready. Fresh fruit and toast for S and my usual yogurt and muesli. 

We played in her room for a bit but she still felt like something was missing. When I asked her what she really wanted to do, she told me she wanted to do some painting. We have the paint; we just didn't have anything to paint. Time to shrug off our PJ's and head out to the shops to see what we could find.

We ended up with some canvasses and, after a quick wander through K-Mart, we picked up a sticker mosaic jewellery box. I wasn't convinced that S would enjoy doing the mosaic. WOW! Was I wrong! From 11.30am until 2.30pm, with only a 15 minute break for lunch, S dedicated herself to applying every last mosaic sticker! It was amazing!! I was so proud of her. It looked fantastic! We didn't have any other distractions: no TV, no music, just her and me and 800+ stickers! 

I love spending time with S. As Kindergarten approaches-it's now only 2 weeks away- I feel an over-whelming bittersweet sadness. I am going to miss our Monday's together. My baby girl is growing up.

I gave her a big hug and told her that I was so happy that she loved spending time with me. In a teasing voice, I told her one day when she was a teenager, she would think that hanging out with me wasn't cool. Much to my surprise, she burst into tears. I hugged her tight and asked her what was wrong.

In a trembling voice, she said, "You hurt my feelings, Mumma Jay."

I cuddled her close, apologised and tried to explain that I hadn't meant to upset her. When she had collected herself, I went to get the laundry out of the dryer. She followed me outside and said, "You have to promise that you will never say something like that to kid who is just about 5. I love you very much."

And it was then that I realised that in her mind, it was inconceivable to even imagine a world or a time where she would not want to spend time with me. That moment was very humbling. At not-quite-5yrs old, she is such a wise soul and she teaches me so much.

I hugged her tight when it came time to say good bye. She grabbed my hand, held it close to her cheek and for a few minutes, refused to let me go. When she finally lifted her head, there was one solitary tear on her face. It breaks my heart each time I drop her off.

Feeling sad, I made my way home, waited until G finished her workout and took my turn on the treadmill. Symbolism. I walk and walk. And, yet, when I look up, I have made no discernible progress. 

Progress

Sunday Jan 16

Wow! What a night!! I made every effort to be in bed at a reasonable time and it was probably a good thing too! It was so hot and humid that poor little S came in about 12.50am because she was too hot in her room. She climbed over me to her spot in the middle. I got up and turned on the fan. It made a difference, but with 3 of us (and a long-haired cat) on the bed, there was too much body heat for any of us to sleep comfortably.

I suggested that S take off her singlet and tucked her back into her own bed. That didn’t last long. 30mins later, she was standing beside me again. I rolled off the bed, turned on the fan so that S & G would be comfortable, and went into the lounge room. I figured the only way any of us would get a decent sleep, would be to take the black fan into S’s room. I get it all up and then picked her up off my bed and settled her into her own.

The fan did the trick and all of us managed to sleep the rest of the night through. Nights like last night make me think longingly of air-conditioning!

Breakfast, whilst watching the rest of Pocahontas and then it was time to play some computer games. We started with Barbie Island Princess, and ended with Leo’s Cool School. S practiced drawing all of the letters of the alphabet. Only 2 weeks to go until she’s officially in kindergarten.

Our plan today is to take S to see Disney Live at the Sydney Entertainment Centre. We promised her lunch at McDonald’s. I was not prepared to have McDonald’s appear again on my food journal, so I made myself a healthy pizza and ate it before we left.

By the time we parked the car, walked to the Entertainment Centre and found a table, we were running out of time for lunch. G went in to brave the crowds at McD’s and S and I sat and waited anxiously. I still needed to collect the tickets from the ticket office. Finally, I turned to S, asked if she could wait until after the show for lunch (she’d already had a snack of grapes before we left) and when she nodded, we jumped up from our seats and headed into McD’s to get G. She was the next person in line. I tapped her on the shoulder, explained the change of plans and we went off in search of the ticket office.

Collecting them was easier than I expected.  With the tickets in our hot little hands, it was time to execute a ‘quick change’. We slipped her Disney Princess Tiana dress on over her head and then, quickly took off her light pink trousers. Change complete!

There were heaps of little princesses strolling around! We saw lots of Snow Whites, a few Sleeping Beauties, some beautiful Belles, a few Cinderellas and even an Ariel or 2. As far as we could see, S was the only Tiana.

The show was fantastic! They enacted 3 Fairy Tales: Snow White & the Seven Dwarfs, Cinderella & Beauty & the Beast. Minnie Mouse, Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck & Goofy introduced each Fairy Tale and they engaged the audience as well. It was like being transported back to Disneyland for just a couple of hours! Magic!

S had a wonderful time and so did we. 

Saturday Jan 15

Today we’ve been invited out for brunch! To insure I wouldn’t over-indulge, I thought it best to have breakfast at 8 when we all woke up. We watched a bit of TV and then got ready to go.

Our friends put on a brilliant spread: poached eggs, bacon, English spinach, pancakes, and croissants. Divine! We had a lovely visit. S watched a couple of Disney movies while we chatted.

It was a wonderful way to spend the afternoon. G dropped us off at home and went out to face the crowds at the shopping centre. It’s amazing how quickly we go through fresh fruits & veggies! We seem to be at the shops twice a week to restock!

S and I played some computer games and then we popped her into the bath so that she would be ready for bed after dinner.

For dinner, we had broiled salmon with lemon juice and a healthy salad. S had 3 fish fingers with some veggies. Then we settled in to watch part of Pocahontas.

Then bed.

Friday Jan 14

And there it is. I thought it was too good to be true!! Some time during the night, the rest of my muscles jumped on the bandwagon- particularly those connected to any part of my arms, shoulders, back, neck and legs! I thought I was sore yesterday, but today, my arms are very unhappy with me! My left arm and shoulder seem to be worse than my right side.  That’s ok! Now that I can see some definition in them, I’m willing to put up with a bit of soreness!

Typical day at work. I’m a grateful that it’s Friday for 2 reasons: the obvious and the fact that it’s an S weekend!! I watch the arms travel slowly around the face of the clock until it’s finally time to tidy up my desk and hit the road!  Traffic is not as bad as I expected and I arrive at our drop off point 15 minutes early. No problem.

I rolled down my window, turned off the engine, grabbed my snack from my bag and settled in to get through as much of my novel as I could! I’m reading the Millennium series and I’m only part way through the first book. It’s got me hooked!

S isn’t as talkative today. Perhaps it’s because C and I chatted about her latest adventures. Strict rules for this visit. S had to have a molar pulled out due to an abscess and the Dentist is concerned that 2 others are at risk. That means: no lollies, no juice and extra teeth brushing!

Homemade pizza on our brand new pizza maker, an episode of Handy Manny and then time for bed. I have a surprise planned for tonight! Earlier in the week, I downloaded the Velveteen Rabbit on my iPhone. I remember loving the story as a child but both S & G have never heard it.

S cuddled up in my lap and G sat beside me on the bed. S held the iPhone and the 3 of us settled in for the story. There’s one part in the story where the little boy becomes very ill and once he’s recovered, the doctor orders all of his clothes, his bed linen and his stuffed velveteen rabbit to be burned. At this point, S burst into tears. G’s eyes were watering and my eyes had been leaking for ages! It took us a while to convince S that the rabbit was going to be ok. Both of them were very relieved that the story had a happy ending!

As I tucked S into her bed, we chatted about her stuffed animals and which ones we thought were loved enough to be ‘real’. It’s wonderful to have her here to tuck into bed. I miss her so much when she’s not with me.

Thursday Jan 13: ‘The new group circuit”

It’s just me and A today. J has designed a whole new program for us starting with the warm up.

warm up: medicine ball squat and raise to the sky x 10; lunge across the centre and back, run 4 times back and forth

new stretches:

cobra: lying on your stomach raise your chest and squeeze your shoulder blades close together

lower back rotation with medicine ball between my knees

The new circuits look very challenging. Some of the new things have already been incorporated in my ‘B’ day one-on-one sessions with J, so I know what to expect.  As she walks us through each exercise and demonstrates the proper technique, I’m convinced there’s no way we’ll be able to make it through the each circuit twice in 15 mins!

New triceps: 

20 x hip ext (back & chest on ball so that it forms a  bridge, lowering bum and raising it. Essentially it’s the reverse of the previous hip extensions that we were doing)

20 x triceps dips on weight bench: supporting my weight with my arms, I lower my bum below the bench, then raise myself back up. I can’t make it to 20 and J lets me stop after 15.

20 x leg extensions: lying on my stomach on the weight bench, I have to lift my legs until they are level with my body

20 x chest press on the ball keeping hips up: forming another bridge with my upper back on the ball and my knees bent at 90 degree angle, I have to keep my hips up, and chest press 6kg in each arm.

10 x running across centre

20 x squat & hold for 3 secs- not as bad as my new ‘A’ day Tuesday routine where I have to hold each squat for 10 secs, but by the time I get close to the end of the set of 20, my legs are definitely burning.

J takes pity on us and gives us a 3-minute break before we have to swap over to the other circuit. I think this one will be easier to get through.

New bicep:

10 x bicep curl with the same leg lifted off ball (balancing) as the arm holding the dumb bell.

20 x sword pulls per arm

20 x hamstring curls: I can manage 12 on a good day…so I’m not sure how I’ll get through 20 twice!!

20 x push-ups

20 x jumping jacks

20 x squats with 3kg bar on shoulder: the bar bell isn’t heavy, but 3 kg’s on my shoulders definitely make a difference

By the end of today’s session, I’m stuffed. The 3 minutes of BLISS are much needed and I flop gratefully onto the floor where I stood. No time or energy to make it to a mat.

A and I stagger down the stairs and out into the early morning sunshine. My arms are heavy and I’m hoping a warm shower at work will be enough to loosen them up.

No such luck. They feel like they’re made of lead. Lifting them shoulder height takes effort and even just typing and using the mouse is uncomfortable. Foolishly, I tell the girls that my plan is to go home and spend another 30 mins on the treadmill tonight. I know my arms are sore, but I figure I can still get a bit more out of my legs. Turns out I can’t. I’m happy to just relax when I get home.

Wednesday Jan 12

Remarkably, my legs still bend and getting out of bed is not the nightmare I was expecting. I’m pleased. This definitely means that my fitness is improving. My legs are tougher than I thought!

There’s a surprise waiting in my inbox when I get to work. J has obviously passed on my progress photos to V and she’s posted them on the Sacred Centre website.

At first, it takes me a minute to register what I’m looking at. Then it sinks in that the shot on the left of each pose is the ‘before’ and the shot on the right side is the ‘progress’.  The voice in my head tells me that the difference is due to the way J took the shots. After much inner dialogue, I convince that voice to ‘rack off’ and I am finally able to see and accept the changes.

I’ve lost 8kgs and I can fit into clothes that I haven’t worn for more than 3 yrs. That is definitely progress! My session with V on Monday really helped to cement that for me. Up until now, I’ve been very attached to the numbers-to the kgs—needing to get to 25kgs less before I see any of my success. Now, I’m thinking that maybe I can measure success in a few ways. If I can’t make 25kgs by my birthday, perhaps I can assess my goal by the size of the clothes that I’m wearing then.

Spurred on by my photos, I decide to work out when I get home. I know I worked out yesterday with J and I have a group session tomorrow, but a little more can’t hurt, right?

I walk 2.5kms on the treadmill and gently do the following weights. I know I shouldn’t over due it today: 2 x 10 bicep curls with 9.5kg,2 x 10 chest press with 9.5kg, 2 x 10 curl ups, lower back rotation 2 x 10. A quick shower, some TV and then definitely bed!

Tuesday  Jan 11

J decides to add a twist to today’s work out, starting with the warm up. I’m expecting to run across the Centre, but it’s not that simple. We start with running 4 times across. Then it’s 30 seconds of ski jumps followed by 30 seconds of star jumps. Thank goodness I forgot my work out shirt and NOT my sports bra!! I’d have been in big trouble!

It’s the normal Tuesday day ‘A’ but instead of holding each squat for 5 seconds, she’s increased the time to 10! OMG. That would be hard enough, but she’s also increased the reps from 12 to 15. My legs are jelly but somehow, I manage to hold all 15 for 10 secs in the first set, 12 in the second and 11 in the third. The remaining squats in each set, I hold for 5.

She’s also changed one of my arm exercises.  Rather than lift the barbell from a kneeling position, I now sit on the Swiss ball, a 3kg dumb bell in each hand, and leading with my elbows, I raise both weights until they are level with my nose. I feel a bit like a bird flapping its wings. 15 of those followed by the normal shoulder weights and my arms are shaking. I know I’m going to feel this tomorrow.

J put me through the paces today. I felt like crying at times-especially during the squats- but I survived. J always tells me that she never gives me anything that she thinks I can’t do. I’m here for the ‘tough love’ and that’s what she gives me. I’m always amazed and impressed with what she’s able to bring out in me.

I’ve got the best team ever.

Monday Jan 10

I’m looking forward to my session tonight with V. It’s been a month since my last appointment, and I can feel that I’m due for it.

True to form, she hones in on the difficulties that I’ve been having. I’m going through the motions, but it feels like something is holding me back. I need to get my head sorted out.

We talk a lot about my inability to see how far I’ve come. I’m feeling the pressure of my birthday being less than 2 months away because I’ve lost less than half of what I wanted to lose. I can feel that iPad slipping through my fingers.

V is persistent; she doesn’t let me off easily and I’m persuaded to see things from her perspective – a healthy perspective. It feels much better than the thoughts that have taken root in my mind over the past couple of weeks.

I walk out of the Centre, feeling like the garden of my mind has been thoroughly weeded; the unhealthy thoughts plucked from it and tossed aside. Much like a real garden, I know I’ll have to continue this process regularly.

Sunday Jan 9:

So tired. Not cut out for late nights anymore. And, 1am isn’t really late by most people’s standards. I feel hung over- but I think that has more to do with all of the cigarette smokers last night. It’s been ages since I’ve been around smoke for any length of time. Besides, water wouldn’t give me a headache like this.

Coffee, breakfast and a shower later, I’m feeling much more like myself. We have a friend coming over at 11 for a visit and lunch out. I’ve already decided what I’m having: 300g of rib eye steak, with pepper sauce, mashed potatoes and grilled veggies. If I can convince G, we’ll be sharing another order of mixed berry crepes. Ahhhh. YUM!

I do not add sugar to my cappuccino when it comes. I know that won’t make up for the ice cream, but at least it won’t compound the situation.

By the time we finish lunch, I’m stuffed! We strolled through the shopping centre to see if Target has a pizza maker. Ours finally bit the dust a couple of weeks back, and I’m missing it. As luck would have it, they did. It’s a beautiful black model and I can’t wait to use it. Won’t be tonight though. In fact, I’m so full after lunch I don’t eat another thing before bed. Not the greatest thing for my metabolism.

Saturday Jan 8:

The plan for today was to get up early, head off to Marrickville for a haircut, come home and work out, then head off to have a BBQ with my workmates. Well, we managed to get up early and get our haircut, but by the time we got home, I really wasn't feeling very well. The intention to work out was definitely there. While we were out, we picked up a barbell to add to our collection of workout gear and a couple of pairs of running shorts and a top for G. Rather than put myself through the paces, I drank some water, had a second cup of coffee and watched a bit of . It didn’t help that I was still recovering from Thursday’s session with J.

About 2.30pm, it was time to jump in the car and head out Campbelltown way to meet up with out friends for a BBQ. I packed 2 litres of water so that I wouldn't be tempted to drink anything else. When we got there, A had put out the standard cabanossi, Jatz crackers and cubes of tasty cheese, along with a bowl of salt & vinegar chips. I tried very hard to ignore the jar of my favourite lollies that were perched at the other end of the table. I finally succumbed to the cabanossi, cracker & cheese combo -eating more than should have, but much less than I wanted and was capable of eating! Salt & vinegar chips are a weakness as well and 3 small handfuls later, I had eaten enough to satisfy that itch as well.

There was much laughter and teasing! We exchanged work stories and chatted over the cheerful sounds of kids splashing in the pool behind us. About 7.40pm, the guys made a move and got the BBQ lit. A brought out lamb chops, sausages, onions, mushrooms, 2 different salads, rolls and condiments. Unfortunately, the bugs liked the smell of the BBQ as much as we did, and it wasn't long before flying ants of all shapes and sizes made their presence known. By 9.30, we'd made short work of the food. However, it wasn't until 11 when we finally got up to say our good byes.

Needless to say, it was well past my 10pm bedtime by the time my head hit the pillow. Sleep, glorious sleep!

Be Afraid Day...

Jan 7

My eyes open and I try to take stock of my body. Sore? Without question. My abs, both upper & lower, are achy. My legs? Very unwilling to take themselves off the bed. Even my arms and shoulders are sore. They say day 2 is often worse and they're right.

Time wins the 'stand-off' and I'm forced to roll out of bed and get ready for work. At least it's casual day, and I can slip into some jeans. Not just any jeans. Jeans I haven't worn in over 2 YEARS! And, they're even a bit loose! Very very cool!

The scales still refuse to show what G and others are noticing. Maybe I should pay more attention to my measurements instead of the digital read out. Still, it frustrates me.

One of the girls at work notices that I'm looking different and she asks if I've lost weight. That felt really, really good. It's nice to be able to say that I have lost weight. And, it's super cool that others are starting to notice.

Home to a nice healthy dinner, TV and my blog.

Night all!

Jan 6 "B Day"

I slept badly last night. It often happens when I know I have to get up early the next day. Add a few disturbing dreams to the mix and it's no wonder I wake up feeling exhausted. Fortunately, I organised my clothes last night before dropping into bed. I pull on my workout gear, zip up my bag and head to the kitchen to prepare my lunch and my pre-workout breakfast. Bananas are hard for me to eat first up so I cut one in half and throw it and a nectarine in the ziplock. I'll eat them on the way.

It's cool this morning and it looks a bit like rain. Traffic is still pretty reasonable. Some people must still be on vacation. Suits me fine. A little aircon, some tunes to get my blood pumping and an easy trip across the Harbour Bridge. Not a bad start to the day.  I wonder if it will just be me or if A will be joining us today.

It looks like it's gonna be me and J. She's got the new circuit worked out for me. We start with the familiar warm up of running back & forth across the Centre. Stretches and then straight into the new stuff. Elbows on the ball, and rolling forward to stretch my lower back. 2 sets of 15. Then, with my lower back on the ball, it's curl ups with a twist to target my obliques. 2 sets of 15. Hip extensions- 2 sets of 15.  Are you noticing a pattern!? Finally, we finish that bit with a new stretch. I steady myself against the wall, bend my knees slightly and then raise up on my toes. It's meant to target a muscle in my foot and ankle. Seems ok, but by the second set of 15, I'm feeling it.

Then the real fun begins. The new circuits are predominantly legs and core. We start with the 'medicine ball dead lift'- essentially a squat to pick up and put down a medicine ball. Yep you guessed it- 15! Followed by sumo squats- standing with legs wider than shoulder width apart with the heels pointing towards each other. How many you ask? 15.

When J shows me the next exercise I give her a look of complete disbelief! She smiles and demonstrates it for me. She lies face down on one Swiss ball with it positioned under her chest. Then, she lifts her feet and places them on the 2nd ball. After steadying herself, she rolls the ball under her feet towards the one she's resting on and then rolls it back. It's like a hamstring curl but instead of lying flat on my back, I'm gonna be suspended between 2 balls on my stomach!! This is insane! My attempt did not go so well. I couldn't get the hang of balancing.

Let's put it all together, she says.

Yeah, let's, I think to myself.

So, here we go: 15 medicine ball lifts, 15 sumo squats, 15 jack-knife rolls, run back and forth and start all over.  The second set of Jack knife swiss ball rolls go better in the balance department, but my legs are killing me.

Time to move this party into the weight room. I get my wish. It's finally time to use V's weight bench! But, instead of lying on my back doing, some wicked chest presses, J's got me lying on my stomach, with only my legs dangling off. Now, using my glutes, I've got to lift my legs level with the rest of my back. Another 2 sets of 15.

I haven't felt this bad during a workout for a long time. New exercises are always challenging, J tells me. And, she's preaching to the converted. I'm definitely a believer.

We finish with a cobra stretch. I lie on the floor on my stomach, lift my chest and squeeze my shoulder blades together. 2 sets of 15. It's harder than it sounds. Stretches to warm down. As I sit on the ball to stretch out my neck muscles, I get a painful head-rush. I can feel each heart beat as it pulses through my brain. J asks if I'm ok. I know if I breath deeply, I'll get through it.

By the time I finish the stretches, my head is back to normal. Then, I collapse in a heap on the floor. J gets the Bliss cd sorted...but it seems to have a mind of it's own. It sticks a bit and it sounds like a DJ remix! Both of us have a giggle and then J changes it. Man, I'm needing this 3 mins of BLISS. Today has been really tough. I was right to think 'B-day' could stand for "Be afraid day'! Oh, where was A when I needed him! He could have saved me from this circuit --well, at least prolonged the inevitable for another few days!

I say good bye to J and make my way slowly down the stairs. My body aches in a whole bunch of new places!

Later in the day, I try sucking my guts in, but I can't. Guess that's the true measure of a good core muscle work out.

My workmates gang up on me- and 2 of them order pad se ew for lunch. I wonder when I'll be able to eat Thai again. Certainly won't be for a while. My birthday deadline is looming!

Home for a long, luxurious bath and a good book. Then TV. Salmon for dinner and early to bed.




Jan 5

I'm not as sore as I thought I'd be after yesterday's full on '60min 4x through the Tuesday circuits' session with J. Actually I am quite impressed with myself for getting through it. 2 months ago, I would have paled at the thought of all of those squats! Today, I can say I DID IT! Too cool!

Typical day at work. My work mate has a thing for vegetarian pad se ew. She sits beside me, and as soon as she unfolds the flaps on the takeaway container the aroma fills our pod. OMG. Thai used to be one of my staples. In fact, from 2005 to 2009 I'd say I prolly had Thai for lunch 98% of the time and pad se ew was one of my 3 favourites. It is SOO hard to look forward to my healthy lite cottage cheese with the smell of her lunch in the air. Sigh...

After work, G and I pop by Woollies to pick up some more supplies. They're out of mangos. Bummer! I've been loving my daily mango. Instead I have to substitute with kiwis, bananas and nectarines. Thought I'd branch out a bit so I popped a package of tofu into the trolly. Might be nice to shake things up a bit. J mentioned quinoa as a pasta substitute, but I think I'll save that for next time!

Another dinner of scrambled eggs and sauteed vegetables. YUM. A bit of TV and it's time to hit the blog. Gotta catch up on the last few days. It takes me longer than I think. I don't make it to bed until 10.45pm.